“Moving into the tough ones here, so hang on,” Orie rubs his hands together, “Assuming that test was right, and you can’t make a baby, then you already knew Gus wasn’t yours, correct?”
I grit my teeth, then answer, “Correct.”
“And you still wanted to be with her. That’s what you were going to say that morning before Alena called.”
“Yes.”
“So, what, exactly, has changed?”
“Jules thinks I’m Gus’s father,” I explain, each word coming out painfully. “And if I do that test, and she realizes that’s not true, she might be?—”
Orie shakes his head, waving his hand at me, “You can’t make up a fake reality and live inside it, man. Plus, you really think Jules is like that? If she was, wouldn’t she have spent a lot more time looking for Gus’s dad?”
He has a point. I’m not going to tell him that.
“Next question,” Orie says, bringing his pointer fingers to his mouth, “Did you only spend time with Jules because she was your ticket to save the clinic, or because you liked her?”
“Because of her, obviously,” I grind out. Of course, it was because of her. Even before I realized it, I came up with any excuse to spend time with her.
“Again, I’m going to say this because I’m your best friend, and I’m going to remind you that I have a surgery on Monday, and the guy needs a good surgeon, okay?” I glare at him and Orie raises his hands up, laughing. “You’re running away because you hate the feeling that you’re not good enough. Your dad put so many expectations on you that you started to hate the feeling of failing. Of not being good enough, right? So that’s part of the reason why you ran off to NYC?—”
“—I did notrun off, I was going to school?—”
“—so, you could get out from under those expectations. With Margot, you experienced failure. This is less about the Gus thing, and more about not wanting to let Jules down. And once you realize that it really doesn’t matter if your sperm made that kid, and that Jules loves you for who you are, you can let go of all that.”
Apparently, you can be with someone for decades and still be shocked at how well they know you.
“You really think that?”
“Yeah, man, I mean—I’m adopted, and my mom is still my mom?—”
“No,” I wave my hand, not wanting to hear Orie’s adoption story again. “You think Jules loves me?”
Orie stares at me, his jaw slack for a moment before he starts to chuckle, reaching for his beer. “Man, just go after her.”
So, I stand up from the seat and walk into the concourse, pull out my phone, and dial her number.
Chapter 34
Jules
When I open my apartment’s front door, it reveals Sienna on the other side, a coffee in each hand.
“I’m sorry,” she says, at the same time that I say, “I feel terrible, Sienna.”
We hold the gaze for a second, then let out a shared breath of nervous laughter, and I usher her into my apartment.
“How is he?” Sienna asks, nodding her head toward Gus’s room, where we can just see him through the crack in the door, his little head on the pillow, his arm thrown over the side of the bed.
Gus came home yesterday, and while he’s still sleeping a lot, he’s also being his normal bubbly self when he’s awake, so it’s a big relief.
I tell her about his recovery, about how scary the surgery was, and eventually, what it was like to have Russell there with me.
“Sorry,” I mutter, laughing at myself and tracing my finger along the rim of my cup. “I know I talk about him too much.”
“No—it’s not you, Jules,” Sienna sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Yeah, it sucked that you were late, but I realized later that I didn’t even ask you what was going on. I just jumped rightinto assuming you were fucking around with Russell. So now I’m here to ask—what happened that night? Why were you late?”
I bite my lip, then tell her the story. Quitting. Finding Russell in the park with his sister, niece, and nephew. Sienna’s eyes get wider and wider as the story goes on, and by the time I’m finished, she’s shaking her head.
