Shaking my head at his theatrics, I slowly approach and pull the sleeping bag-looking mass first, holding it out in front of me to get a good look at it. It’s an adult snow suit, the same color green as my Saguaros jersey. I turn it around to the front and see he even added a little cactus patch over the heart.
When he sees me notice it, he adds, “I just found the patch. Mam put it on there. It’s funny, it’s a press on patch which means it should stick and stay forever, but she doesn’t trust things like that. So, she stuck it with the provided adhesive, and then she went ahead and sewed it on too.”
Willing the surplus of emotions down so I don’t get all teary again, “It’s perfect,” I breathe.
He goes on to show me the rest of the clothes, which are just thick layers and knee-high socks to wear under the suit, a hat—even though it has a hood– gloves, and a scarf. By the time he gets me all bundled up, I’m starting to feel like the kid in the Christmas movie he made me watch last night.
“How am I supposed to do anything outside with you when I can barely move?” I can’t even put my hand on my hip while I snark at him.
He tries to smother a laugh with his hands and a delayed fake cough. “Let’s just try before you say it doesn’t work. I don’t want you to get cold.”
I roll my eyes but follow him outside where the morning sun sparkles off the snow. He stops just outside the door to the larger-than-life gingerbread house, and grins.
“What?” I look around me, but all I see is snow.
Reading my mind again, he says, “Exactly.” He goes on to explain that we’re building a snowman as he pulls a large crate of supplies from the side of the house.
An excited squeal peals out of me when he reaches me with the basket and huddled inside is a carrot for his nose, a big fluffy scarf, a black top hat—that they have to have just for snowman making because who just owns a black top hat—sticks for his arms, and buttons for his eyes, mouth, and well, buttons.
Kodi studiously elaborates on proper snowman making etiquette, which ends up with him making the giant snowballs we need while I throw snow at him and make snow angels, but I get stuck and he has to come help get me back up, which is made exponentially harder because I can’t stop laughing. When he’s finally able to get me back upright, there’s a bare snowman waiting for me.
I quickly set to work putting him together. My first snowman! While Kodi plays in the snow to the side. Just as I set my last button perfectly in place, I turn with a smile to announce that he’s done, but next to me and my completed little snow gentleman, is a second bare snow person. Next to the new, giant snow balls stands Kodi, and another crate of supplies nothing like the first.
“We can’t leave our man lonely. I thought you’d like to make him his own mate.” Jumping and clapping instead of accepting the second basket, I reach out and pull him toward me so we can finish this one together.
We’re cuddling on the coach watching a weird Christmas movie where a strange clay skeleton man finds his way to Christmas land when my phone rings for the first time since we’ve been here. Other than my texting with the girls on the team and Carrie, when I remember my phone exists, it’s been nice to just be here with Kodi.
“Hello?” I answer the strange number.
“Hello. Is this Anastasia Greene?” At the mention of my full name my spine locks straight and I put the phone on speaker. The woman doesn’t sound like one of my parent’s stuffy errand runners or anything like that, thankfully.
“Um, yes, but I go by Anya.”
“Ah, Anya, I’m glad I was able to reach you. I wasn’t sure with the holidays,” the voice continues, “My name is Whitney and I’m with the Fairbanks Glaciers. We know it’s late, but we would like to offer you a position on the team after graduation!”
Instead of the electric sparks of joy I expected to feel when I got this phone call, an odd weight settles in my stomach. Kodi notices my reaction and takes my phone, rises from the couch, and steps into the kitchen with it, because it would seem I can no longer process my thoughts into words because I just . . . why am I not excited?
Kodi returns, handing me my phone with knitted brows. “What’s going through your mind right now? You’re like a brick wall,” he says as he gently taps on the side of my head.
I hadn’t even realized I’d thrown a wall up between us. I try to look at him, but my eyes won’t really focus. “I—I—” I try to say while tilting my head and staring off into space for a minuteto align my thoughts in a way that I can communicate. “I don’t know if hockey is still what I want . . .”
My big bear sits and pulls me smoothly into his lap and wraps his arms around me. The weight of his touch loosening the knots in my stomach. “Keep talking it out with yourself. I’m just here for support.”
I force myself to strangle a sob caught in my throat. Not at our sudden development, but that this man has paid attention enough to understand and know what I need; even when I don’t.
“All my life. I threw myself into hockey and softball. Then I had to choose. I chose hockey. I wanted it to be my whole life. Because—” The back of my throat and eyes burn while I try to keep from crying. “Because it’s all I had. Then when I didn’t get drafted, I didn’t know what I’d do with my life.” I’m tangling my fingers together in my lap while my thoughts come unraveled. “Nothing in my life made sense. Then I met you. None of my plans or lists mattered anymore. It was terrifying.”
He squeezes me against him and wipes my face. When he pulls his hand away there are tears there. They’d started flowing even though I was actively trying to hold them back, so I let them come.
“I’ve never felt the things you made me feel. Safe. Seen. Loved. Treasured. All of a sudden, hockey wasn’t the only thing in my life anymore . . . and I didn’t care.” I turn toward him, resting my forehead on his. “I love hockey, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t know if I stillneedit the way I used too.”
Kodi leans back slightly, kisses my forehead, and then still holding my face in his hands pulls us far enough apart to look into my eyes. “I don’t care what you want to do. We can go anywhere. Do anything. As long as you are happy and I am withyou, nothing else matters to me. You’re allowed to change your mind.”
My eyes volley between his, seeing and feeling only certainty in every word. “But also like, how dare I say no to such an amazing opportunity? That would be so . . . selfish of me.”
“So be selfish, Anya. Do youwantto play professional hockey?”
I open my mouth to snap back, but his eyes narrow briefly, warning me to listen to him, even if only this once.
