“I am,” I return, the locker room doors swinging open at the same moment.
Our head coach, flanked by Mars and the doctor, walk in slowly and seriously. Anya shrinks at their entrance, and judging by the look on Mars’s face this is not a “good news, you’re awake and all is well” morning meeting.
“How bad is it?” I’m able to ask with gravel in my voice. Anya reaches beside her and produces water, offering me a drink through a straw.
I greedily guzzle the water and when she pulls away, a drop escapes that she catches with her finger, smiling at me with so much love.
Mars looks at the ground while the coach’s lips are set in a thin line. They let the doctor take over which is never a good sign. “You suffered a pretty bad spinal cord contusion.” She begins, and my whole body deflates, knowing what’s coming next.
Humans don’t heal well from those. That’s a serious, career ending injury. We can’t possibly explain away an injury like that.A human would be at constant risk of being paralyzed if they suffered the same injury I did last night.
“We won’t release the decision yet. We’ll play it off that you’re healing and we’re hopeful. But, you unfortunately won’t be able to play anymore.”
Anya’s eyes well with tears and her sadness and worry for me. While I’m disappointed in how this is ending . . . there’s a strange feeling in the back of my mind. All this time playing football. Climbing the ladder. Everything I’ve sacrificed. And now it’s all for naught. It’s over. This thing I’ve been chasing for so long, just done. Gone. Over. I’m numb. The strange feeling is a numbness.
“I’m so sorry, Kodi.” Anya is the first to speak while I process the news. “They told me last night and I should have told you but I didn’t know how.”
Lifting myself into a seated position, I pull her to me. “Baby, that isn’t your responsibility. You were here with me and that’s all I could ask for.”
Taking in the coach and doctor, I ask, “What now?”
22
Anya
This whirlwind of the shit storm doesn’t show signs of letting up any time soon. The news articles have been a constant stream of Kodi and his injury. He had to “remain in the hospital” for a few days to match the timeline that it would take a human to be stabilized enough to go home after the injury he suffered.
Then, even after discharge, he had to keep up with doctor’s appointments to look as though he was consulting with different specialists before the news dropped that he would be retiringdue to his injury because of the risk of becoming paralyzed if he took another hit like that.
He still hasn’t had any kind of breakdown about being forced into retirement, and I worry about his lack of reaction to the news. Even his usual light demeanor hasn’t taken a hit. He’s trying to go about everything all business as usual, but I can tell it’s eating at him
The distraction from everything going on with Kodi is bleeding into hockey. I can’t focus. We lost a game last night that we should have won.
I usually never do anything for our Christmas week off because I don’t have anywhere to go, but I really think Kodi needs to get away for a bit. Somewhere cold and desolate so he can connect with his bear and unwind.
I’m just walking out the arena doors after my meeting with Coach when Kodi’s mermaid tail colored truck pulls in to pick me up. He’s taken complete and total responsibility of making sure I get everywhere I need to go, especially now that he can’t practice or be a part of his team.
“Hey, hot stuff! Need a ride? I’m headed in your direction!” he hollers dramatically out the rolled down window. The me before Kodi would have turned every shade of red and ran for the hills. Now that I know his obnoxious happiness is just part of his personality, him being himself without the sadness behind his eyes, makes me beam.
Playing along with his silliness, I lean against the truck. “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think my boyfriend would like me getting a ride home with some random guy.”
He scrambles out of the driver’s seat and around the truck to scoop me into his arms and toss me in the front seat of the truck, kissing all over my face and grumbling into my neck. “I knowyou were talking about me but it still made me unreasonably jealous to even consider your hypothetical situation.”
I have an idea but I don’t know how Kodi will receive it, so I need to get him all buttered up before I present it to him. Kodi and I have talked about our familial situations at great length, but his situation is so much different than mine. It’s not that he doesn’t have people that truly love him, he just feels like he can’t go back after everything. Meanwhile, my life was not the loving environment that he grew up with. I basically don’t have family.
That’s why I’m standing over the stove, making one of his favorite meals, while he hopped in the shower. He had pouted and eyed me skeptically because I wouldn’t join him, but I couldn’t get distracted. Not yet.
When he finally makes it back to the kitchen with his nose in the air, his eyes brighten. “Do I smell what I think I smell?”
Smiling wide while keeping my eyes on the butter melting in the pot, I answer, “You do. I wanted to make your favorite to cheer you up.”
His eyebrows crease together. “Why would I need cheering up? I’m in a great mood.”
Shrugging in nonchalance, I reply, “I just want to make sure you stay that way. I know the lack of football has been weighing on you.”
His shoulders droop slightly at the mention of football, but only for a moment before he picks them back up and beams at me. He makes his way next to me, kissing me on the side of my head and holding on to my hips while I cook.
“If you’re going to be in here trying to distract me, make yourself useful and get our plates and silverware out,” I tease when his hands leave my hips and start venturing out across my body.
