This farce could end here and now, and I won’t have to pretend to enjoy this life Ilya is offering me.
I’ll go back to myboyfriend, just like Adam wants.
It doesn’t matter. It never has. Right now, the only priority I have is to make sure Ilya didn’t overhear anything — that, and to find out anything I can.
I have to make all of this worth the risk.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” I pause. “Do you think you can drive? If not, let’s sit down while you?—”
I shouldn’t be ordering him around. I cower, expecting him to respond negatively to the attention.
“I’m sorry,” I add quickly. “I shouldn’t be telling you what to do.”
“Don’t apologize,” Ilya snaps, then he curses again. “Sorry. It is… I had rough evening. Give me ten minutes, I change clothes, get ready. We…We’llgo home.” He says another angry Russian word.
I want to go to him, but I can’t bring myself to get closer.
What if,a small voice whispers in the back of my mind, he doesn’t care where we are and he lashes out at you?
But I don’t think Ilya will.
I hope he won’t.
I don’t want him to be like every other man I’ve ever tried to trust.
“Okay,” I say, pretending my voice isn’t trembling.
Ilya runs his gloved hand over his face and takes a deep breath. “Ten minutes.” He goes to one of the lockers and unlocksit. He grabs a sweater from inside, but he stares at it for a few moments before he shakes his head and pulls it on.
He takes the gloves off and stuffs them into his pockets.
“I’ll use rest—I’ll usetherestroom and then we can leave,” Ilya says. He stops halfway to the door. “Or I can take you to a hotel instead. Whatever you want.”
I blink at him, taken aback. “Why would I want to go to a hotel?” I ask him, taking a few tentative steps in his direction. “I want to be aroundyou, Ilya.”
Even if I’m scared to death.
Even if I’m wondering if starting to place any trust in him at all was stupid.
Even if I’m still not sure he didn’t overhear my conversation, and he’s waiting for us to be alone before he acts.
Ilya gives me a sad smile. “I am a scary man, Mishka. I know how I look right now. I will not be good for cuddles tonight.”
“I don’t always need cuddling,” I say quietly. “I can handle this. I can handleyou.”
I’ve handled worse from Adam, and in the future, when I return to him…
“I want to go home with you,” I say instead of following that thought to its conclusion.
Ilya looks at me, and something shifts. His expression goes from angry to exhausted, and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me tight against his chest.
“Thank you,” Ilya whispers.
Relief floods me, and I nod before resting my cheek against his broad chest. “I’m not going anywhere. Not until you get tired of me.”
Not until I find out more about his secrets.
Not until I get to know more about the man behind the mask.
