“You want to take it?” Boris makes a questioning sound.
Do I want to go back to Russia?
Five hours ago, I would have said no.
Now, I don’t know.
“Is there any reason for me to stay?” I ask quietly. “If we go back, we’re free of this mess. I take over for Andreyevich. I’ll find a position for you. Kolya… I don’t know if he’d want to come, but it would be better for him to lie low for a while anyway.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Boris says. He gives me a sad smile. “There are other fish in the sea, Boss. Russian fish, even. You’ll be able to whisper sweet nothings in the most beautiful language in the world.”
“No.” I shake my head decisively. “I’m going to give up fishing. I tried, but clearly I’m no good at it.”
“Nah. It just takes a while before you find your best catch.” Boris stands up then. “I’m gonna head to bed. Don’t go anywhere without me.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I wait for Boris to leave, then pull out my phone. I find the text conversation with Micah. Most of it is deleted already, thanks to the settings of my app.
Ilya
Tell me you’re all right.
I wait, but I don’t expect an answer. It’s almost two a.m. Micah is probably asleep already.
Asleep, in Adam’s arms.
I shudder at the thought.
Ilya
Don’t let anyone erase you.
Once I send it, I get up and head to my own bedroom.
I’ll make my decision in the morning.
TWENTY
MICAH
Unknown
Tell me you’re all right.
Don’t let anyone erase you.
I shouldn’t have opened the app.
I shouldn’t have seen the messages.
I shouldn’t have found out that Ilya still cares, despite it all, despite the fact that I betrayed him.
I wish I didn’t know.
I want to reply, though with what, I don’t know.
To tell him to stop contacting me?
To lie and tell him I’m fine?
