"Shit! Fuck. Shit." I shoved my finger in his mouth and felt around for the ring, knowing it was gone. I looked at Lisa, and my panic was reflected in her expression.
"Um, did your baby just swallow that ring?" The sales clerk leaned over the counter, and all three of us began to panic. CJ was the only one who seemed unaffected.
“We have to go to the emergency room right now,” Lisa said in a stern voice.
A small crowd formed. The clerk reached for a telephone next to the register. “I have to call my manager. I don’t think I can let you leave with the ring.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Lisa screeched. “This baby needs to get to the hospital.”
I stepped in front of Lisa, shielding her from the sales clerk, but more likely shielding the sales clerk from her. I opened my wallet and handed her CJ’s insurance card.
"Take him to Lenox Hill, and I'll meet you there."
“Sir, I can’t—” the clerk began again.
"I'll pay for the ring," I shot at her and put my credit card on the counter. Lisa cast one last angry glance at the sales clerk before she ran out of the store, hailed a cab on Fifth Avenue, and disappeared with CJ in her arms.
The ring was less than six hundred bucks, so at least CJ had inexpensive taste, and it explained why the sales clerk tried to steer us back to the engagement rings. The clerk, whose name was Kaia, tried to apologize but I wouldn’t let her. She had nothing to be sorry about and I couldn’t be upset with her. This was a fucked up situation and I doubted there was an employee training video detailing proper protocol when a customer swallows the merchandise. I also practically handed CJ the ring, knowing his propensity for putting small objects in his mouth.
I signed the receipt, dragged our stroller outside, and hailed my own taxi and directed the driver to Lenox Hill's emergency room feeling guilty, terrified, and sick to my stomach.
I foundthem in a large room filled with gurneys separated by a curtain. Lisa sat on a stretcher with CJ on her lap playing some kind of clapping game while a South Asian man in scrubs placed a stethoscope on his belly.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked. I was out of breath and buzzing with adrenaline.
"Hi," the man with the stethoscope said. "I'm Dr. Choudry. I'm the pediatrician on duty. I'm just going to give little CJ here a preliminary exam. Then we'll send him upstairs for an X-ray, and figure out our next steps."
“What are the possible next steps?” I asked.
"Well, best-case scenario, he will pass it naturally, and we'll find a costly present in his diaper." He laughed at his joke, and Lisa and I glanced at each other, not amused. "Worst-case scenario, the ring could cause an obstruction, and we'd have to remove it with a surgical procedure."
The blood drained from my face, and I felt light-headed. I guided myself into the nearest chair and sat down.
"But most likely he'll pass it naturally. Babies swallowing things they shouldn't is fairly common. CJ seems fine and doesn't seem to be in any pain or distress, but either way, we'll keep him for observation until the issue is resolved." He patted me on the shoulder, and I jumped. "Don't be too hard on yourself. Like I said, it's fairly common. I'll order an X-ray." He walked away, pulling the curtain closed behind him.
A short while later, a nurse appeared with a clipboard. “Are you the dad?” she asked me.
"No, brother," I mumbled. Her brow furrowed. "Legal guardian. Are these for me?" I motioned to the stack of papers attached to the clipboard. She nodded and handed them to me before leaving me alone with Lisa.
"I can't believe someone is gonna give me a kid." I leaned forward, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“Shut up.”
I looked up at Lisa, and she was grinning. "What?" I asked.
"Shut up. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone." She started to laugh. "One of my brothers liked to stick things up his nose—marbles, rocks, dimes, Legos, peanuts. It was the worst. I think he's responsible for half of my mom's gray hair."
I laughed with her, relieved at the possibility that I wasn't the worst guardian on the planet. CJ would most likely be okay, and I was also relieved to see Lisa smile.
We both accompanied CJ upstairs for his X-rays, and he was so brave. My fingers twitched towards Lisa's hand, and she curled her fingers around my palm and squeezed without questioning me. We continued to hold hands as we waited for the results of the X-ray.
CJ would most likely pass the ring on his own. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. Dr. Choudry gave him a mild diuretic to help things along, but there was nothing left to do but wait.
An hour passed. CJ had fallen asleep in the hospital crib while Lisa read a book on her tablet. She caught me looking at her and gave me a small smile.
“Hey,” I whispered to her across CJ’s sleeping form. She raised her eyebrows and lowered her tablet. “Do you want to come on our family vacation next month?”
“What? No, it’s afamilyvacation.”
