He nodded as he shook her hand, really happy but feeling super gross and his head was pounding the way it did when he needed to throw up. “It’s really nice to meet you. Is it okay if I scream into something and lay down?”
Twenty-One
So much more than Elio’s life flashed before his eyes when the alarms went off at Brookhaven. Instead of his own childhood and personal triumphs, Elio saw Milo with Luna and his parents and was terrified of the pain he would cause them. And Elio saw Felicity’s cousin, Daniel, and imagined her mother’s devastation. Logically, Elio understood that Matteo’s and Truman’s lives were also in danger but as the consequences toppled around him like dominoes, those were the faces that haunted Elio.
In the aftermath, Elio was deeply ashamed and had no one to blame but himself as he quietly erased the boards in his bedroom at Muriel’s.
It was all meant to be harmless. Elio’s plan to fool Hector and the Mean Guys so Milo could save the day had gone terribly awry. Foolishly, Elio had believed thathewas the primary hazard and the only variable that needed controlling. He was so focused on giving Milo a win over the Mean Guys, Elio hadunderestimated how dangeroustheycould be in a facility like Brookhaven.
Elio only wanted to go back one day to Hector’s office and call off the field trip. He still missed his parents and would always dream of getting them back, but Elio had almost lost Milo and the future they were supposed to have together. The tragedy of his parents’ death could have resulted in a mushroom cloud of destruction in Upton, New York, taking Milo, Felicity, andthousandsof others with it.
The plan had been to lead everyonedirectlyto the simulator. There, Elio would stand by and act afraid as Milo prevented the collider from experiencing asimulatedcatastrophic meltdown. Several strings had been pulled so they could access the facility after it had been shut down for the day with only minimal supervision. A team from an escape room company had also been hired to orchestrate the scene and dial up the tension over the intercoms but Milo and the Mean Guys never made it to the simulator.
Of course, Milo had been incredibly graceful and promised he wasn’t mad at Elio. “I blame Brad. The rules never apply to him and hehas tobe the leader, even if he doesn’t have a forking clue.”
Milo wasexhaustedafter preventing a real catastrophe and slept most of the trip back to the city. No one was in the mood to talk, especially to Brad, but Elio snarled at anyone who tried to disturb Milo. They were dropped off at the Olympia and Elio bundled a drowsy Milo through the lobby and into the elevator. Not ready to part with him, Elio tucked Milo into his bed at 6A and called Giles and Claire to let them know he wouldn’t be home.
“I’m so very sorry for what happened today and I promise that I will never, ever put Milo’s life and safety in danger again.”
Elio had apologized profusely and preemptively begged for their forgiveness, promising that Milo would explain it all later. He also told them that they should be extremely proud because Milo had been a hero that day and might have saved half the state of New York from annihilation.
With Milo safely sleeping, Elio silently tidied up his room and turned his attention to the boards and his work on the time problem. The fire in his belly had been completely extinguished when Milo shut off the alarms at Brookhaven. All that mattered as Elio held Milo wasthemand their future. Nearly losing it all in a bright, hot flash had completely rearranged Elio’s perspective and his priorities.
And Elio knew without a single doubt that itwas notwhat his parents would have wanted. Nothing that he had done in his entire ridiculous, reckless life would have disappointed them but Elio had almost broken his parents’ and his brothers’ hearts at Brookhaven. All of their pride would have been obliterated in the blast, leaving nothing but a vast crater of grief and devastating disappointment.
“Eli! What are you doing?” Milo mumbled, groggy as he pushed back the duvet and reached for his glasses on the bedside table.
“Go back to sleep!” Elio set down the eraser and went to the bed, shushing as he eased Milo back and pulled up the duvet. “I’m just doing a little tidying so this place isn’t a wreck when you wake up.” He tried to take off Milo’s glasses but he grabbed Elio’s hand.
“Why are you erasing all your work on the time problem? You’re not giving up, are you?”
Elio pushed out a hard breath, shaking his head. “I’ll never give up, but it’s not my priority anymore. Imightfind the pieces to solve that puzzle in time, if I’m meant to. But I can’t let the opportunities within my reach go and let you slip through myfingers by being stubborn and fixated on the past and achieving the impossible.”
“Does that mean you’re giving up on P versus NP and leaving Starlight?” Milo asked, his brow furrowing with concern.
“No. I’m staying at Starlight with you,” Elio whispered and used his thumb to smooth away the wrinkle in Milo’s brow. “A much wiser astrophysicist reminded me that we’re still very young and we have time to grow and prove that we’re the brightest minds of our time and the future of quantum physics.”
Milo smiled and rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure if that isexactlywhat he meant, but I’m glad you’re being more realistic about the expectations you set for yourself,” he said, making Elio snort.
“I’ve found an even bigger and worthier challenge than solving time.”
“Uh oh…” Milo leaned away, looking wary. “The measurement problem?” he guessed but Elio laughed and shook his head.
“No, I’m not talking about wave collapses and spooky action at a distance. I’m going to put us first and be the best…boyfriend or whatever you want me to be. That will be a huge challenge because I’ve never cared about anything but myself and my brothers and all I had was my work before I fell in love with you.”
"That's not true,” Milo said and gestured at himself. “You’ve been incredibly generous and thoughtful. Look at everything you’ve done for me since you came to Starlight.”
Elio gave him a flat look. “I almost got you killed.”
“Bradalmost got us all killed,” Milo corrected sternly. “And the fail-safe was there and had initiated, I just didn’t see it because I was busy shutting down the accelerator manually.” He shrugged it off but Elio shook his head.
“I’m never taking a chance like that again with your safety.”
“See? You’re already putting me and us first!” Milo said as he wound his arms around Elio’s neck. “So responsible,” he added and kissed Elio loudly on the cheek.
“I have changed a lot,” Elio conceded as he settled over Milo and nibbled along his jaw. “I love you and I want tolivewith you. Not as a boyfriend or a research partner, but as your lover and partner in whatever adventures life has in store for us.”
Milo’s nose wrinkled and he winced. “I am feeling braver and more confidentnow, but what if I get agoraphobia like my dad and the adventures are limited to the Olympia?”
