“Mine?” Milo’s head pulled back. “I don’t know… I’ve obviously fiddled with quantum time mechanics but I’m not at that level. No one is.”
“Don’t you get it?We are!” Elio squeezed Milo’s shoulders and gave him a shake. “Together,wecan solve this. That’s why I came here, that’s why I need you.”
“Oh.” The numbers and symbols began to blur and Milo’s face tingled. “That’s…a lot of pressure,” he noted with a confused frown. “I’m beyond flattered that you think I’m capable butwhy, Eli? You’d sink any credibility you have as a scientist and I’d be an even bigger joke. You came all this way to find me just so we could implode together?”
“We wouldn’t! Not if we wereright. They’ll take us seriously if we solve P versus NP first but it doesn’t matter, Milo!” Elio’s hands moved from Milo’s shoulders to his face. “Who careswhat anyone says if we solvetime?”
“Some things shouldn’t be solved. Think about the consequences of altering timelines,” Milo countered but Elio’s eyes flooded and his lower lip trembled.
“I don’t care! Ihave todo this, Milo. Youhave tohelp me!” he rasped as the hands around Milo’s face shook.
“Why? What could be worth the consequences to our careers and…humanity?” Milo asked, his heart burning as Elio’s tears spilled over and dripped down his cheeks and from the tip of his nose.
“My parents!” he mouthed as he smeared the tears away from his face. “I want my parents back!” Elio pulled in a shuddering breath before he let out a strangled sob. “Please!There could be a version of them out there that I’m meant to find if I can just solve this!”
“Oh God, Eli…” Milo threw his arms around Elio and held on as tight as he could, crying as he imagined how lost he’d be without his parents. “I’m so sorry!”
“I never had any time with them,” Elio whispered, his tears soaking Milo’s hair next to his ear. “I was a baby when they died so all I’ve ever known is my brothers. I love them with all of my heart, but I want my parents, Milo. I know they’re out there somewhere, waiting for me to find them.”
For the first time in Milo’s life, he felt real pain. It wasn’t just a sharp twisting in his stomach or the throbbing in his head or the tearing of his heart as it broke, Milo’s soulachedas he held Elio and witnessed his grief.
“I’m so sorry.” Milo cradled the back of Elio’s head and pulled him as close as possible, attempting to absorb some of his loss and loneliness.
“Will you help me?”
Milo nodded. How could he say no? “I’ll do my best.”
The hands around Milo’s back spread and he was squeezed and rocked. “Thank you.”
They held each other for a while, their soft sniffles and sighs filling the silence. For Milo, it was stunning, just howwrongeveryone was about Elio. Including himself. Elio wasn’t impulsive and driven by ego, he was driven by loss and grief. Even his brothers didn’t understand how lost Elio was or how far he was willing to go to find the missing pieces of his life, not even his beloved Matteo. He was far too complex for any one person to comprehend but Milo understoodthisfacet of Elio so well and was one of the few people alive who could.
That, in itself, was extraordinary to Milo and he felt extraordinarily lucky because there were so few people in the world who understoodhimuntil Elio von Hessen stormed into Starlight. Milo had expected chaos and calamity, but they had shared an instant connection and had bonded effortlessly. It was both exhilarating and frightening, now that Milo understood Elio’s purpose, but he knew he was blessed and on the precipice of something huge.
He was standing on the edge of adulthood, professional upheaval, discovery, science fiction, social ruin, possibly the end of the world if they weren’t careful… This decision would carry him over the threshold of childish innocence and wonder and into a realm of responsibility and consequences Milo had yet to experience as a scientist and a human being. He was stepping into a brave and profane new world with Elio, but Milo wondered if he was also experiencing something else, something that was almost as risky as altering the fabric of time: love.
It had to be love overriding Milo’s common sense and intellect because he was committing to the impossible and could be risking his entire future—his career, his reputation, and his personal happiness. He would be risking it all for Elio von Hessen but Milo couldn’t think of a reason not to, aside from his own fear of failure.
Milo was used to being laughed at and pushed aside and would find a way to live with the jokes. Maybe they would call him “Wild Ashby” instead of “Mild Ashby.” But letting Elio down and losing him now seemed worse than the torching of their careers and credibility or the end of the world. Milo suddenly understood why people were willing to do irrational and occasionally illegal things for love and was humbled. He had thought that he was too cerebral and pragmatic to fall in romantic love but Milo was just as susceptible as anyone else.
And now Milo had a new problem: did Elio see more in him? Or was he only in love with Milo’s brain and what they could achieve together? Elio had said they werefriendsand it was Milo who had come onto him in the sitting room. Milo might not know much about sex but he understood enough about men to know that most wouldn’t say no to a sexual favor if the conditions were right. The conditions had been right and the more Milo thought about their first kiss, the less romantic and “real” it seemed.
He didn’t want to push and ask what had happened and what it meant after such ahugerevelation. Elio was feeling vulnerable and Milo didn’t want to be insensitive. And Milo didn’t want to make things awkward between them byaskingif Elio felt the same and wanted to be his boyfriend.
Who thought about things like that at a time like this? Elio wanted to solve the problem of time and bring his dead parents back while Milo wondered if that counted as his first kiss and if he had a boyfriend. Once again, Elio was in an entirely different league and Milo was a clueless kid with a crush.
There was only one thing Milo could do as far as he could tell: he would wait and follow Elio’s lead.
Thirteen
Some problems took decades to solve and there were problems that had yet to be revealed, but for Elio, his problem with Milo was immediately obvious when he awoke and prepared to go to work ateight in the morning.
It was an absurd time to be awake but Elio was anxious to talk to Milo and hemissed him. Which was troubling because Milo had stayed until almost 2:00 AM, looking over Elio’s research and making small corrections to his calculations. They agreed that they would focus primarily on P versus NP during the day at Starlight and would meet after work as needed to discuss time.
“Your lift has arrived,” Elio had joked when he walked Milo out and said “goodnight” at the elevators. “Thank you for listening,” he said gratefully.
“Thank you for—everything!” Milo was drowsy but smiling as he stretched toward Elio for a kiss.
“Everything” was an understatement, so much had happened and so much had changed. Elio laughed softly as he pecked at Milo’s lips. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll see you later.”
