“You don’t think I’m a lost cause? I mean, logically, I know that people find a way to move on after someone dies. There's still lots to live for, but each time I try, I feel guilty afterward and I sorta lose my shit.”
Hayden offers me a timid smile. “That’s okay. Moving on is a process.”
“Pretty sure that process shouldn’t include me running out on you after…” I take a shaky breath and start again. “Wouldn’t it be better for you to stay away from me?”
“Is that what you want?” His brown eyes probe mine.
“I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m afraid to ask that question.”
“You’ll have to answer it at some point. Not for me, but for you.”
My fingers clutch at his waist as we rock to the music. “I know.”
We slow to a stop as the song ends, and an upbeat one takes its place. I can’t take my hands off him though, so we just stand there, watching each other, until Hayden’s glance suddenly moves past my shoulder before finding my face again.
“That guy is watching us. The one next to Kane.”
Twisting my head over my shoulder I spot Blake about ten feet away, standing with Jace and Kane. Though he has every right to give me a hostile look, he seems more curious than anything.
“Blake. He was one of my closest friends until I accused him of breaking Chase’s heart and driving him out of town.”
“He did that?” Hayden blinks up at me, jaw hanging slightly open.
“No… but I was angry and looking for someone to blame. Blake was an easy target since it turns out he’s also gay, and I figured if Chase knew as a kid that he wasn’t the only gay guy in town he wouldn’t have felt so alone.”
“I don’t understand.” He shakes his head slowly back and forth. “Why be pissed at Blake for liking guys whenyoulike guys?”
The room is suddenly uncomfortably hot. “Um, I don’t like guys. Or at least, I didn’t. Not until recently.”
Hayden’s jaw would hit the floor if it fell any further. “You’re straight?” he whisper-hisses.
“Doubtful, considering…” Hayden slams a hand over my mouth before I can finish.
“What’s the real reason you ran out the other day?”
I slowly peel his hand off my mouth. “I felt guilty about moving on without Chase. And for taking advantage of you.”
Hayden’s piercing chocolate gaze stays locked on mine. “That’s it? No sexual identity crisis?”
“No.”
He mutters something about gloating making sense as he relents. “Okay. So, back to Blake. If you know he isn’t the guy who hurt your brother, why were you so mad at him the other day?”
“Because he never told me about being attracted to guys. I found out around the same time the rest of the town did. That still seemed like a betrayal since he was one of my closest friends.”
Hayden chews on his lip as if he’s thinking. “I get that,” he concludes, “but you can’t really decide when is the right time for him to share his secrets, same as he can’t tell you when to stop grieving your brother. Everyone should get to move through their issues at theirown pace.” He tenses under my fingertips, as if he’s waiting for me to overreact to that truth. “Sorry, that wasn’t meant to be a low blow.”
Truthfully, I’m too tired of being angry for that to rile me. Plus, I don’t want to be the guy people are afraid to be honest around. Especially not him.
“It was fair.” I tip his chin up so he can see my face. “And I did tell you I like it when you call me on my bullshit, so I can’t get pissed when you do. Come on.” I take his hand and start walking. “You can watch me grovel for a second time tonight.”
“That was groveling?” He stops and looks back to where we were just standing on the dance floor, forcing me to stop with him.
“You got a better word for it?” I cast a challenging look at him over my shoulder.
“No, it’s just that I always thought groveling involved more begging and pleading. From your knees. And promises not to screw up again. Maybe a peace offering, like flowers. Or chocolate.”
“The ice prick likes flowers and chocolate?” I try to bite back a grin.I like that he hasn’t lost his snark.
