Resting his forehead against the cushion beneath me, Ryder’s chest heaves against mine as he shifts his pelvis just slightly. Whether soaking up how it feels to be buried so deep or testing how far he can go, I’m not sure. Regardless, I don’t have time to question before he pulls back and slams in, hands squeezing my ass as he bottoms out.
A strangled groan rumbles from his throat. “Gonna go to hell for this,” he mumbles, then the damn breaks.
Whatever demons he was working out or restraint he was clinging to is overcome by carnal need. He pistons his hips back and forth, pounding his cock into me as hard and fast as our bodies will allow. The sound of skin slapping on skin reverberates through the room as he slams our bodies together, almost as if with enough force he could actually fuse us into one. Or fuck himself into oblivion.
I know the latter is more likely, and I shouldn’t let him use me that way. But right now, desire outweighs all sense of dignity. And common sense. For once in my life, I want to act on feeling, not logic, and what he’s doing to me right now feels incredible. Will he retreat after this? Probably. But that’s nothing new, and if it happens, I’ll be ready for it. Besides, I truly believe after the initial freak out he’ll see what I do. That there’s something between us worth exploring, above and beyond the chemistry we have. And I’m not opposed to relying on that chemistry to prove it.
Meeting him halfway, I moan into his mouth as he plunders deep. Lips, teeth, and tongues clashing as our war of wills turns physical, each of us battling for the upper hand the same way we battle at work. Only this time, I’m not looking to fight against him, but with him, as we push each other higher and higher.
He breaks away with a strangled cry as he drives deep, holding me flush against him as he plants a foot on the ground and resumes his punishing pace.
The new position puts more friction on my cock while the relentless pounding hammers my prostate with each thrust. It’s rough, but the carnal urgency has me spiraling toward the finish.
Ryder’s jaw is locked tight, his hooded eyes telling me he’s not far behind. Throaty cries spill from my lips as the pressure builds deep within, and I shamelessly grind against him to take what I need. Rubbing my palms over his ass, round and tight from doing the equivalent of a squat down the face of a mountain year after year, I pull him deeper.
“I feel your greedy little hole getting tighter.” His rhythm falters for a second before he resumes. “You ready to come on my dick?”
“Yes!” I cry.
Ryder’s neck stretches as he groans, circling his hips into me. His thick cock drives deep, hitting me just right. The pressure explodes, tremors wracking my body as my release seeps between us.
“Oh fuck.” His eyes roll back in his head as his eyelids flutter closed, and he thrusts forward one last time, sending another quake through my core. He stills, suspended above me with his lips slightly parted in awe. Then he jerks back and pulls out of me, wrapping his fist around his dick and squeezing the length as a stream of white liquid shoots from his tip and lands on my stomach.
Kneeling above me, his gaze settles on my abdomen, jaw slack with a mix of shock and fear.
“It’s ok. I’m on prep.”
His eyes blink into focus, traveling over my stomach and landing on the hand still wrapped around his swollen cock. “What the fuck? It’s not okay. That was... I should…fuck!!” He lets go of his dick, which slaps against my abdomen as he runs a shaky hand through his hair.
“I’ve gotta get out of here.” He pops off the couch and starts grabbing at his clothes, rushing to put them on.
Shit. I knew he’d probably backpedal after letting himself feel something—I’ve seen it before after his façade started to crack—though I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. And I didn’t expect it to sting this much.
Taking a deep breath, I will myself to remember his reaction right now is more about him than me. It doesn’t make his panic hurt any less, but it keeps me from feeling like it’s me specifically he regrets instead of the situation.
I wish there was something I could say to make this better, but I’ve seen this reaction so many times over the years with other clients, I know my words won’t chase away the demons. Only he can do that.
Even though it pains me, I don’t fight him. Instead, I sit up and watch him dress over the back of the couch. I hate that I can’t help noticing what a damn nice view it is, even under these circumstances.
“Toss me my clothes, please.” I force my voice to sound normal, though I’m feeling anything but, knowing my calm will help to bring down his anxiety.
Ryder pauses with his arms through the sleeves of his shirt and cocks his head to the side like he’s confused by my reaction. Then he pulls the fabric on and bends down to snatch up my clothes.
Arm extended, he takes a few steps forward so he can give them to me, averting his eyes from my nearly naked body. It’s better than having him observe me with regret, confirming my suspicion that he’s confused about what he did, not who he did it with. That subtle sign of respect makes it possible for me to keep my head level.
“See you at work tomorrow, yeah?” I pull my shirt on, feeling somewhat relieved that the fabric acts as a shield. Stupid, but comforting in its own way.
“Yeah,” he grunts, ducking his head as he turns for the door. Yet, instead of rushing through it, he pauses with his hand on the knob and rests his forehead against it. “Sorry for… Look, I’m broken. I know you know that. If you don’t want me to break you too, you’ll stay away.” Then he flings it open and stalks out into the night.
Well, that went…worse than expected.
Ryder’s letting himself do and feel things he was determined not to when we first met, and where I see that as progress, he sees further proof that he’s not worthy of redemption, even when he hasn’t done anything wrong. Now, he’ll probably associate me with something he’s screwed up and go out of his way to avoid me.
I really thought we were getting somewhere.
Maybe I saw what I wanted to, instead of what was there. The way he kissed me… I was sure he wanted this as much as I did. And yes, I expected a little bit of panic to follow since he’s still coming to terms with his demons, but I thought it would come tomorrow morning, and that I’d have time to reassure him he’d done nothing wrong.
Based on the way he bolted out of here, he’s either on the verge of a breakthrough and he needs space to come to terms with that, or he’s retreating to a place where I can no longer reach him. I can only hope it’s the former.
