“We tell Kane about us. The real us, not the casual roommate situation he thinks we have going on.” Blake narrows his gaze, hazel eyes becoming a murky brown, as he watches my brows draw together. “You don’t agree?”
“I agree we need to tell him, I’m just not sure we should do that so soon.”
“Why not?” Despite the fact he’s lying down, I can see Blake’s limbs stiffen.
“Two minutes ago, you were worried about Kane feeling left out because I grabbed your cock while talking about pleasuring him. Now you want to tell him I’m your live-in boyfriend and not the roommate you casually fuck? You don’t think that will really make him feel left out?”
“I… We can’t just keep that from him though.”
“Not indefinitely,” I agree. “Temporarily. A couple weeks, max. Just until he has a chance to see how well the three of us fit.”
“Then what? We saysurprise, you’ve been auditioning to be our third and you passed?” Blake shakes his head in disgust.
“What?No. God no. First off, there’d be no talk of a third if it wasn’t Kane specifically, so don’t cheapen it by using the word audition. Second, I’m only trying to ease everyone into this the best way I know how. Kane just took a new job in a new town and came face toface with two people he’d fucked before, who by the way live together. That’s a lot even before you factor in our relationship and the one we want to have with him, and like Kane pointed out it’s probably better to get his footing career-wise before he announces he’s in a poly relationship with a guy he works with. Then there’s the fact you’re still closeted, so even if we jumped right into thelet’s all date each otherconversation we’d still be in hiding until you’re ready to come out.”
“Yeah, I know all that. I’m just not sure it justifies keeping the part aboutusquiet for a few weeks.” Blake pops his jaw as he focuses his gaze on the ceiling again, and even though we’re talking about some heavy shit, it takes all my willpower not to smile. His protective instincts are cute.
“Look.” I tilt his head so he’s looking at me. “The way I see it, if we tell Kane about us now he’s likely to think he’s a new toy for our amusement. And yeah, we could tell him we’re interested in more, but wouldn’t that put pressure on him to try to fit into what we have? I’d rather he come to the realization he fits naturally, and I’m afraid if we tell him we’re already a thing, he’ll second guess this every step of the way. He’ll wonder how we sleep when he isn’t there, and whether he’s taking someone’s spot. Or he’ll hang back and wait to be invited to have sex instead of initiating it. He’ll wait for cues from us instead of just being himself.”
“You really think he’d be that timid around us if he knew?”
I link our fingers together and rest our hands on his chest. “Wouldn’t you be that way if you were joining an established couple? I know I was when I was the third.”
“Wasn’t that a married couple that had been together for a while?” Blake’s nose wrinkles, and once again I have to force myself not to smile at his adorable confusion, which I know only exists because he’s got such a pure heart.
“Yeah, but I’m not sure it would be any different with us. It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been together, just that we are. And if Kane thinks he has to tread carefully in order to fit into our relationship it could take him months or even years to feel like he really belongs in it. I want him to feel like he belongs from the start. And we can make that happen if we wait a few weeks to tell him we’re serious about each other, and that we want him to be part of it.”
“I hate that that makes a certain amount of sense.” Blake’s chest rises and falls on a heavy breath. “Okay, we’ll wait. Just a few weeks though. I’m not sure we can hide things with the three of us as long as you and I could’ve hidden behind the roommate excuse, and he deserves to know the truth before the rest of the town starts speculating.”
“A hundred percent.” I nod vehemently.
Blake’s body seems to sink further into the bed as the tension he was trying to hide subsides, and once again, I’m grateful to have this time with just him to reassure him things will be okay.
Though I hated to see Kane leave as much as he did, Blake has a lifetime of confusion he’s grappling with while Kane probably only has a night’s worth, and Kane’s absence gives Blake the chance to process what he’s feeling instead of burying it in an attempt to comfort him.
Scooting closer, I nudge Blake to his side and press against him, draping my arm over his waist. “Let’s stop trying to solve everything after one night. We’ll figure it out as we go, right?” I repeat the mantra we’ve been living by since we first decided to give this thing a shot.
“Right.” He relaxes into me, drifting to sleep while I hold him tight. And even though deep down I know I’m where I’m supposed to be, I’m more certain than ever that Kane is supposed to be here with us.
***
The next morning, Blake is his usual laid-back self, and after giving him a proper wake up I send him off to work feeling confident that he’s on board with living in the moment instead of stressing about the ‘what ifs.’ At least, I hope he is, because I have to concentrate on my own ‘what ifs.’
I told Axel I’d help him out with his training camp idea, but I’m not sure that’s the best career move for me. First off, only part of the job would involve filming. Second, it’s a job, and I’m not sure I want one of those. Not when I could have my own gig.
Talking to Blake and Kane about the trails we want to explore, I realized there’s probably a ton of terrain that'd be great for filming, and guys who merely pass through here—like I did last month—don’t really know where that terrain is. If I live here, and have the opportunity to fully explore the place,I’llbe the guy who knows where the best spots are, and I could be the local expert. Whether that means consulting with other film crews or doing the filming myself, I could build something that keeps me outside instead of behind a desk. And the best part is, I could do that year-round, because snowsports have just as much need for video as bike sports.
I have a lot of thinking to do before I move forward with something like that, but ever since the idea popped into my mind at dinner last night, I keep coming back to it. I’m taking that as a sign the idea has merit.
Another sign – shit.
I don’t know if it’s the thin air at this altitude or my subconscious telling me I’m ready for a change, but the longer I’m here the more signs I see, and since they’re all pointing in a direction I’m happy to go, I guess I’ll keep paying attention to them.
Unfortunately, following my signs means for the first time in my life my path might not be the same one as Axel’s. I always figured thatwould happen eventually, though it’s coming sooner than expected. In my mind we’d be working together until forty at least, and we’re not even thirty.
I suppose even if I do pursue my own thing, I could still partner with Axel on some aspects of his gig. Maybe that would make our paths separate yet parallel instead of completely divergent. I could spend a day or two a week working his camps, and the rest of the time on my own projects.
Either way, I’ll still help Axel get his venture off the ground. After that, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, I’ll just concentrate on making his vision a reality, since I’ve got a lot more thinking and prep work to do before I attempt to put any of my ideas into motion.
