Instead, I clenched my hands into fists. “It should have been me.”
She didn’t say anything, just continued rubbing slow, reassuring circles on me.
“I should have kept up with Lana. I should have been the one who got to Casimir first.”
“So he could have stabbed you instead?” Raya asked plainly.
“No, but maybe I would have caught the movement faster, or moved out of the way more quickly?—”
“Was Corbin a poor fighter?”
I looked over at her, my brows furrowing at the question. “No, he was better than half the guards, but I’m the one who should have been leading. I’m the captain and he’s dead because of me.” My body slid to the ground and my head hung low.
Raya shifted to the floor and kneeled in front of me, taking my hands in hers. “He is dead because of Casimir. Corbin was a strong fighter—you’re the one who trained him. Fates, I saw him through your eyes during your escape from the dungeon. If it had been you chasing after Casimir, you would be dead instead. He died a warrior’s death. Do not let your guilt take away from his valor.”
I shook my head. “I wish it was that easy.”
“I understand, Ian,” she said squeezing my hands.
I met her gaze, soft and filled with compassion in a way so unlike anything I’d experienced with her. Or maybe this was who she was when she let her guard down.
“After Dargan used me to betray my friends, after everything that happened, I broke,” she said, her gaze dropping to the floor. “The guilt consumed me. I couldn’t help but think that if I had been stronger, if I had done something differently, then the people I love wouldn’t have been in danger. Storm wouldn’t have been tortured.” Her shoulders heaved, and I reached down, tilting her chin up and wiping a tear that had escaped.
“I still struggle. It’s why I’ve been distant with everyone.” She pulled back away from my touch. “I don’t think I deserve these incredible friendships. Much less”—her voice broke as she whispered—“a mate.”
She cleared her throat, meeting my gaze. “My point is, don’t let guilt destroy you. This was not your fault.”
“So it’s okay for you to feel guilty? But no one else?”
She didn’t answer, looking away. I gently caressed her chin, turning her face back to look at me. “I’ll try to forgive myself if you will too.”
“Ian—”
I rubbed my thumb over her beautiful lips.
“Ian, I just came to check on you,” she whispered, leaning away from my touch. “I should go.”
I shook my head. “You asked what you could do, did you not?”
She swallowed and I moved my hand from her chin and down her neck. “It’s okay to tell me if you think we’re going to make this work. That we’re going to stop fighting it and give us a chance. Give in to the mating bond.”
My fingers tingled touching her delicate skin, and she closed her eyes, slowly exhaling a breath. She was perfect.
Fucking perfect.
“You can give me everything, Raya. I don’t know what tomorrow or, Fates, the next hour will bring, but I don’t want to live this life pretending you are not my mate. I want you.”
“Why?” she asked after a quick breath. “I’m not someone who deserves a mate. So why?”
I smiled, continuing to brush my thumb over her soft brown skin, transfixed by the way it erupted with goose bumps. “You stayed with me in the dungeon.” If she needed an explanation before she agreed to our bond, I’d bare my entire soul. “You showed me that you could easily pull away, but you stayed. You shielded my mind, and when it came time to escape, you didn't leave. You experienced it all with me. Seeing every thought, all the pain. It didn’t make you run. In my weakest moments, some of the worst of my life, you endured it alongside me before you even knew anything about me.”
“You wanted nothing to do with me when we met in person.” Her lips twitched. I studied her face, unable to hide my smile atthe thought that I could continue to study her. Learn everything about her, what each facial expression meant. Forever. She was mine.
“I didn’t know how to handle you seeing me so vulnerable. Lana’s been the only other person who ever saw so much of me before. I hated knowing someone who might be my enemy saw my struggles.”
“And now?” she breathed out, flicking her gaze to my lips, leaning forward just slightly.
My smile spread. “Now?” Cocking an eyebrow, I squeezed my hand at her neck and leaned forward too, lowering my voice. “I will give you every part of me—pain, guilt, joy. You name it and it’s yours, Raya.”
