Storm reached out and grabbed my hand. “We have been practicing for our entire lives, but your magic appeared only a week ago. It is not surprising you’re struggling.” He released my hand and lifted his palm in front of his face. A tiny flame floated above his hand, no larger than a pebble. “For me, I focus my mind and reach down in my core. Breathing deeply used to help me pinpoint where it settled. Jax says his magic lives in hisheart, encompassing all of it. He yanks his power from there. Once you find your ‘well,’ that place it feels like your magic rests, it will be easier to access.”
Storm’s gentle and patient approach to talking me through how to access my magic was in stark contrast to the way Andras tried to torture it out of me. What would have happened if he had actually succeeded?
“While your magic is beautiful, Lana, it would be normal to have some negative emotions tied to it,” Storm whispered.
I swallowed. “I was just thinking about Andras.”
Storm stayed quiet, allowing me space to process.
“If I’d been able to bring it up back then, would Ian have been spared? Would we have had an easier childhood, free of the things that haunt us both now? He became a target for Andras because of my deficiency.”
“Stop,” Storm said firmly. “You are not, and were never, deficient. Fate determined when your light would show. Your magic pouring out of you in that moment saved us all. As for Ian, I promise you he wouldn’t change a thing about you or your past because none of it was your fault.”
My lip trembled at his words. I didn’t realize how much resentment I had for my magic. There hadn’t been time to really process it thoroughly.
“Our magic is a part of us. I wish we had the luxury of time to let you work through your feelings about it, but we don’t. Only you can come to terms with that and build the connection to your light.”
Storm was right. Holding on to anger over my repressed magic did no one any good. In fact, it gave Andras the power back that I’d worked so hard to take away from him. I wouldn’t go back to that place of helplessness. Too much time had passed. Too much was dependent on me learning to harness this power now that I had it.
“Close your eyes again. This time, start with your mind. Clear your thoughts so we can invite your magic to simply be here with you. Just be calm.”
I opened one eye and shot him a look.
Storm rolled his eyes. “Just try it, okay?”
I wasn’t good at calm, but I would try.
Storm continued, speaking softly. “Okay, after you’ve cleared your mind, I want you to relax every part of your body, limb by limb. Start with your toes, up your legs, and so forth. Notice how each part of you feels. Does any area feel different?”
Breathing in and out, I tried Storm’s method, but with my guard down and logic slipping away, every part of me demanded I run toward Mysthaven. All my mind could think of was Kade.
The part of me that felt different was the ache in my chest where my tether to him lay quiet. Every moment of every day that we had been apart, my soul longed to be near him. Even for a second, just to ensure he was all right. It hurt so much, I had to physically restrain myself from leaving. Digging my nails into my thighs, I forced the pain to ground me here. My head dropped.
“I miss him so much.” A tear rolled down my cheek and I let it fall onto the leather of my boot. The droplet stuck to the end of my woven lace before falling onto the ground. “What if he’s not okay? What if he can’t be saved?”
Storm reached over and pulled me into a hug as the tears flowed faster and harder. “I know, Lana. I miss him too.”
“I feel like I should be able to harness this ache, this anger at what’s happening to him, and instead I’m floundering. What use am I if I just sit here sad?”
“You aren’t sitting here floundering. You’re demanding answers from the crazy seer sisters.” He smiled. “You’re softening William to the hordes of Fae coming in to train.You’re moving forward each day. But that doesn’t mean you stop needing Kade.”
“When did you get so wise?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“If Kade knew you were suffering on your own and I didn’t do everything to help, he’d have my head. You know that, right?” Storm chuckled dryly. “Besides, you also mean something to me, Lana. You forget you’ll be my queen too. And my family.”
I couldn’t form words at his declaration. So instead, we sat there silently, and Storm held me as I wept. For the first time I truly had the chance to let all of my emotions out. Too much had happened in such a short period of time. It would take me years to work through the trauma of the last few months, but letting myself grieve for a minute helped. Eventually, I pulled away, and when Storm wiped the last remaining tear from my face, I felt lighter.
“If anyone can save him, it’ll be you,” Storm reassured.
I nodded, sitting up straight again. “Let’s try to coax my magic out one more time. That way I can kick Kade’s ass when we see him next.”
Chapter 10
Lana
Weak.
Pathetic.
