“It was never going to,” I say softly. I halt our motion, needing to put an end to the farce. “I really am sorry, Noah.”
He shrugs, and I try not to be offended by how easily he takes it. “It is what it is.” He adjusts the cuffs of his suit jacket and strides out of the tent without a backward glance.
I do my best to avoid looking at Ben and Lindsay, but they’re right there in front of me. Ben catches my eye over her shoulder, and I layer a million questions in that look.What are we doing hereandAm I the only one feeling this wayandWant to get the hell out of here please?
His eyes are unreadable.
I wait for him to come to me, to gently set Lindsay to the side and take his rightful place in my arms, but the two of them continue to sway while I stand in the middle of the dance floor alone, looking like the complete moron I must be.
I catch his eye and mouth the wordsCan we talk?
He looks pained, mouthsI’m sorry.
Wow. I turn on my heel and make for the exit, keeping my head down so I don’t have to make eye contact with anyone along the way. Technically this is my fundraiser and I should not be abandoning Emma, but I can’t stay here for another minute. Not when I’ve realized what’s been right in front of me this whole time. Not two minutes ago, we were wrapped up in each other’s arms, our heartbeats synced, and now he’s sorry?
Maybe this is what the whole purpose of Heart Springs really is, to show me what it feels like to be treated as disposable, like I have treated so many others. Well, joke’s on Heart Springs because I’ve been disposable my whole life.
I don’t run, and I keep a smile plastered on my face until I’m free and clear from the town square. As far as anyone else is concerned, I could be dashing to the store to pick up more ice.
But the only thing I need right now is to get away.
Thoughts swirl around in my brain like some kind of tornado, and parsing them out, making sense of them while my chest feels like it’s been caved in with a hammer, doesn’t seem likely.
I reach my front door just in time. As soon as it’s safely closed behind me, I dissolve into the kind of tears I don’t remember crying as an adult. The kind of hopeless sobs that come easily when you’re a teenager and you’ve just caught your boyfriend making out with your best friend, the ones you typically don’t have much occasion for as a grown-up.
At least I haven’t had much occasion for these kinds of tears as a grown-up because that would mean I would have to be emotionally invested in something other than my career.
And this right here is as good a reason as any to keep my emotions walled off because look what happens when I start to feel things.
My chest is still heaving, I’m still struggling to catch my breath when there’s a knock on the door. I should have suspected Emma would come look after me, but I’m not about to let her risk her big night for my dumb feelings.
I open the front door, ready to tell her to get back to her party, that I can lay all my problems on her tomorrow.
But Emma doesn’t stand on my front stoop.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Ben steps through the front door, takes my face in his hands, and kissesme.
22
I melt into the kiss, fall into it, sink into it, only for it to end a second later.
Ben keeps his hands on my cheeks, wiping away the remains of my tears with his thumbs. “I didn’t mean for you to leave. I just needed a second to tell Linsday it isn’t going to work out between us.”
My hands find the lapels of his coat, hanging on like he’s a life jacket and I’ve just been thrown overboard. “Just to clarify, theusit isn’t going to work out between would be you and Lindsay, right?”
A small smile tugs on his lips. “Yes, sweetheart.”
I tilt my head up, searching for another kiss. He doesn’t make me beg for it, his lips brushing against mine with the softest of flutters. And it’s perfect and zingy and I want more. I rise up on my toes, circling my arms around his neck as I deepen the kiss. His arms cinch around my waist, pulling us so close together, his heartbeat thrums through my chest.
We kiss for what feels like hours before we part, chests heaving, needing to catch our breath.
Ben presses his forehead to mine. “Maybe we should slow down for a minute.”
I groan, sliding my hands down to his chest. It’s firm underneath my palms, and I want to feel it without the layers of fabric separating us. “Or, alternative plan, we should keep going at this rate and see where the night takes us.”
He leans down, planting a gentle kiss on the curve of my neck that makes me shiver. “Trust me, that is most definitely what I want to do.”
“So then what’s the problem?”
