A knock on the door keeps that thought from intruding further.
Jake and Chelsea reenter the room, each of them coming to one of our sides. There’s some adjusting of blankets, and Chelsea puts some kind of pillow underneath my feet.
“Normally, we incorporate some relationship exercises into our session, to help our couples connect with both body and mind.” Chelsea’s voice is soothing, so quiet and peaceful she probably puts many clients to sleep. “Would you like us to skip those exercises today?”
I’m about to tell her she absolutely should, but Jess answers first. “Actually, I think we could really benefit from some of those exercises, to really help us get in touch with our emotions. Don’t you think, Nick?”
This time I’m the one glaring, and if this is supposed to be payback for the free show I just put on, well, that would mean she would have to be pretending like she didn’t love every second of it.
“Nothing I love more than getting in touch with my emotions,” I grind out from between gritted teeth.
“Fantastic!” Chelsea exclaims in her melodic voice. “Let’s get started.”
Chelsea’s warm hands land on my shoulders a few seconds later, slick with some kind of oil that smells like eucalyptus and lemon. My eyes flutter closed, happy to have a reason to not have to stare directly at Jess. Looking at her this close is like looking directly into the sun. I don’t mean to let the groan escape when Chelsea digs into the knots of my upper back, but it slips out anyway. I spend my days sitting in front of a computer; my back is a wreck.
For a few minutes, there’s quiet, nothing but the sounds of the ethereal music and the occasional brush of movement as Chelsea and Jake continue our massages.
Then Chelsea breaks the silence, and even her soothing voice isn’t enough to make what’s going to happen next any easier. “Why don’t we start with each of you saying one thing you admire about the other?”
I pry my eyes open in time to catch the regret flashing through Jess’s eyes. I smirk, because she brought this on herself. She wanted to “get in touch with our emotions” and now she’s going to be forced to say nice things about me.
“I’ll go first,” I volunteer, because I know it will annoy her even further. “The easy compliment would be to point out the obvious—Jess is nothing short of gorgeous. But really, part of what makes her so beautiful on the outside is the positive light she carries on the inside. She is kind and generous and is always willing to go out of her way to do nice things for others.”
It’s all true, of course, but I deliver the words with a tilt of a sarcastic smile, just to get in her head.
“That was lovely,” Chelsea praises, right as her elbow digs into a knot in my shoulder. “Jessica?”
Her eyes look everywhere but at me, which is kind of impressive given how close our faces are to each other. “Nick is a good writer.”
No one says anything for a minute, giving her the space to elaborate, which obviously she chooses not to do.
“Okay, great,” Chelsea says after an awkward pause. She blesses us with a few more minutes of peaceful silence before delivering the next question. “Now, why don’t each of you tell the other what physical trait you find most attractive in the other?”
“His eyes,” Jess says immediately, the answer flying out of her mouth before I even have the chance to think of my response.
In reality, I find every inch of her attractive, from her thick dark brown hair, to her wide smile, to the body that haunted my dreams even before we were stuck sharing a bed. But that’s a cop-out, and so I narrow in on something a little more specific. “I love her skin. How soft it is, and how it flushes whenever she’s embarrassed or…”Aroused, I think but don’t say out loud.
Those cheeks are bright pink at the moment, probably due to a combination of both emotions.
“Fantastic.” Chelsea rewards us with a break from questioning, though she uses that time to dig into the muscles of my upper back. I’m going to be sore tomorrow, but it feels amazing in the moment.
While we all sit in the quiet, I crack one eyelid, just a smidge. Jess’s eyes are fully open, watching me with an unreadable expression on her face. I blink my own open all the way, meeting her gaze full on. I would give just about anything to know what she’s thinking right now.
She searches my eyes, then lets her gaze wander. Both of us are bare to the waist, where Jake and Chelsea have tucked the sheets low around our hips. The very top of her ass is exposed, and since she is taking the opportunity to look me over, I allow myself to indulge in the same.
Our eyes come back to each other’s just as Chelsea delivers her next question. “What is your favorite memory of the other person? Nick, why don’t you go first?”
I hesitate, forcing myself to shuffle through the memories like songs on a playlist. The one that’s my real favorite is one I can’t mention. I wasn’t even really there to experience it with her, so I’m not sure it counts anyway. But nothing could ever top watching Jess sign her first book deal and publish her first novel. I had to watch from the sidelines, through Instagram and blog posts, but seeing her dreams come true, well, it was everything.
“I can go first,” Jess offers, and I’m not sure if it’s hurt in her voice or understanding.
Does she think I can’t think of a single favorite memory, or does she know there are just too many to choose from?
“Our first Christmas together was my favorite. We were still newly dating and we stayed home, just the two of us. We ordered Chinese and watched Christmas movies. I know you never liked the holidays, but I loved that you were willing to put up with it because it was important to me.”
My heart seizes in my chest. I never did like the holidays before I met Jess. And after I lost her, they became one of the most painful times of the year for me. But I loved that first Christmas together too.
“That was one of my favorites too.” But I can’tpiggyback onto her happy memory, so I pull a random one from a hat. “I loved traveling with you, everywhere really, but I think our trip to Scotland was my favorite.” It’s not a lie. Some couples are terrible at traveling together, but it was one of our favorite things to do. We had plans to see the world together.
