“Thanks to the Baileys, so do we,” Lane said, his expression sober.
“He’s talking about me,” Cruz added. “I’d have definitely seen the inside of a jail if you hadn’t made me shovel cow shit.”
I smirked. “We used a loader.”
Mama swept into the kitchen. Her lips tipped into a wry grin when she noticed how far we hadn’t gotten with cleanup. “Lane, do you mind taking over for Tenor?” She looked at me. “Get us a couple of glasses. I’ll be on the porch.”
Mama wanted to talk. I ignored the chasm forming in my stomach and did as she asked. With two fingers of Solemn Summit in each rocks glass, I found Mama outside. She slowly rocked in one of the chairs. Another was empty on the other side of a little stand.
I handed off the glass and sat. “What’s on your mind?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing.”
I swirled the amber fluid in my glass. Had I acted differently over dinner? “Nothing.”
“I thought Ruby was going to be with you.”
“She has her own life.”
Mama rocked and took a sip. “Things okay between you two?”
One weekend apart and everyone thought we were over? We were, and that didn’t help my rising frustration. I really should be honest. I was lying to Mama. I had already lied to her. This was my moment to make things right, but I couldn’t. I told Ruby I’d keep her confidence. “It’s not healthy to be together all the time.”
“It’s not,” she agreed. The gentle scrape of her chair mixed with the crickets and frogs. “Teller said you were having fun with her at the dance.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s okay, you know.”
I gripped the armrest of the chair. I wasn’t rocking. Mama was in that mode where she could see right through me. She could open the lid of a mental box I had padlocked for a reason. “What is?”
“To trust her.”
My mental box snapped shut. “I do trust her.” Ruby had put all her confidence in me to treat her right, so that was what I’d set out to do. And I’d let her in. Not intentionally, but she’d catered to me, strip board games and all.
“Mm.” Mama took another drink.
“I do.”
Mama rotated her glass like I had done. “I think you want to. It’s been a long time since you put yourself out there.”
I pried my fingers off the armrest. “It’s not easy.” I’d give Mama that much truth.
“I can’t imagine it is, but it’ll get easier. If she’s the right one, you’ll want to try.”
I started rocking. Our movements were out of sync. I took a drink and gazed into the darkness beyond the circle made by the yard light. Nothing but dark pastures greeted me.
IfRuby was the right one. I’d made a pact with myself. I wouldn’t go through another Katrina. No one would make me feel like I wasn’t good enough again. No one would mock me to my face again. I wasn’t enduring more pitying looks because I was a pathetic bastard. I’d had enough as a kid, and then, because I must not have gotten the message, I had endured more as an adult.
But I was even older, and that came with perks. I could choose who I surrounded myself with. Ruby had been one of those choices—as an employee. As a girlfriend, she’d leave. They always did.
If she’s the right one . . .
I didn’t tell Mama it wasn’t about who was right for me.
But who I was wrong for.
Ruby
