“You wanted more to call your own.”
I gnawed on the raw spot of my cheek. I released my flesh before I could bleed and pressed my fingers into the top of my desk. “I freely admit I suffered from middle-kid syndrome.”
He snorted. “There’re a lot of middle kids in your family.”
“True. But Summer’s the oldest of the girls. The guys deferred to her.”
He cocked a brow. His expression was a few shades shy of arrogant. “Just because she’s the oldest?”
He knew to dig where it was most sensitive. “Yes and no. When we arrived at the Baileys’ after our parents’ accident, Summer and I were both recovering. I took longer with the broken bones, and I guess I always felt like I was the one they had to watch out for.”
I pushed my hands through my hair. Guilt ate at my insides. “I’m really useless to you. God, I should’ve been less evasive?—”
His sharp laugh echoed in the otherwise empty building. “You call the deal you made with me in my bed after our weddingevasive?”
“You thought I had more authority over my family.”
He let out a long breath, his solid green gaze never leaving my face. “Perhaps we both hoped you did. It’s the marriage I need, Autumn. I can commiserate with not feeling heard when it comes to family.”
The lonely boy in him had never been louder. What his dad was doing had hurt him. “I wish I could help you more.”
“Likewise. The idea of kids...” There was a brief glimpse of stark fear.
The dream that I’d be a married mom with a good job took its last breath. I couldn’t do that to him. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hold you to it.”
“Autumn—”
“No, it’s fine. Really. I don’t want to get so focused on having babies that I run over people. You’ve already said you wouldn’t ditch a kid, so we’d have to figure out custody. The thought obviously bothers you, so I’m not forcing your end of the deal. The thought gives me the ick.”
His brow arched again. “The ick?”
“You’d be surprised how young kids are when they pick up slang. I’ve learned the floss and heard a kindergartner tell me I’m sus, no cap.”
“I have no idea what that last sentence meant.”
“The floss is a dance move that I can only do in slow motion before I pull a back muscle. Sus is suspicious. No cap means no lie.”
“Was she suspicious of your floss?”
“Basically, yes.”
A low chuckle came from him, and his smile would’ve incinerated my panties right off if it weren’t for the heavy topic we’d just discussed.
His grin faded. “Kids were always a thought for the future. And then you proposed the idea. I know I should jump on it, especially if Percival becomes mine.” He shrugged. “I don’t know a thing about kids.”
I held my hands up. “No need to explain. They can be scary. But they can be sweet, and smart, and smelly, but also so witty. Even at eight, they can tell jokes with timing professional comedians would be jealous of. And some of them try so hard to impress you— Anyway. I like my job. I love it. I love teaching in my hometown. I like working at the bar. I get to go home to the ranch and do chores whenever I want. I just have to suck up getting reminded about the touchy clutch in the old front-end loader, and the stubborn gate in the north pasture that has an extra latch, and to take bales from the north end of the stack, as if I hadn’t been doing all that since I was a kid too.” I shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“Which part of the Bailey property did you get?”
“It’s gorgeous—on the edge of the forest, and a creek runs through it, but there’s also a spring-fed pond, whichis why the cattle graze there in the summer. Daddy found a spot that was accessible already and had a good view for each of us. When the sun’s setting, it’s just gorgeous.” I sucked in a breath. His family property would have the same traits. “I shouldn’t gush about it. That was callous.”
He sidled around the desk until he faced me. “I’d be a coldhearted bastard if I made you quit talking about something you so clearly love.”
“I know you’re not coldhearted,” I said, breathless. He was close. I tipped my head back to look at him.
“How do you know that?” he murmured.
I put my hand on his chest. His heart beat steady under my palm, the rate increasing. “You saved me from humiliation that night.” Only a few nights had passed, but it felt like months ago.
