“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled.
She froze and looked over her shoulder. Her skin was paler in the light from the windows. “You said to leave.”
“Not in a fucking blizzard! I meant leave my room.”
Her mouth formed an O. Even as I raged, my attention was on her ripe lips and her tousled hair, messy from being in my bed.
Goddammit. My brother had died over this.
I stomped back into my bedroom and slammed the door.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Summer
I blinked awake. I must’ve fallen asleep after hiding in the guest room. I’d cried myself to sleep a few times over the years when the wind howled outside. An effective sleep tactic. My eyes were crusty and I had a dull headache.
How late was it?
Noon.
Crap.
My pounding head was likely from the exertion to keep from wailing, and dehydration. If Jonah kept alcohol in the house, I would’ve dived into the bottles last night.
No, I wouldn’t have. Too similar to what Eli had done. I wouldn’t do that to either of us even if I weren’t planning to drive anywhere.
I rolled up and hung my legs over theside of the bed. My phone lit with a message from Autumn.Was it planned this time?
I scowled at her question. She had no idea the flame I’d held for Jonah all these years. No one did. I’d been moderately successful at forgetting him until he’d shown up to my wedding.
I lay back, letting my feet dangle. The thudding in my skull grew stronger. Things between me and Jonah had been going so well, but at the base of our talks, and every time we smiled, I’d had a jolt of guilt. True remorse. He blamed himself, and there was no way I could spin the story to make it okay not to tell him what had really happened that day. His parents didn’t even know.
I was a horrible person.
I dialed Autumn.
She answered. “Are you calling because it’s so good you can’t type the words because they’ll steam off the screen?”
Tears welled in my eyes. “No.”
“Tell me what happened,” she said sharply.
“I messed up so bad.”
Then I told her what I’d told Jonah. Every horrid detail.
“I’m such an awful person. He hates me and now he’s stuck with me.”
“Oh, honey.”
I wept, staying silent like last night, my face screwed up and my cheeks hurting.
“I know you’re not going to listen to me,” she started and I recalled saying similar things to my siblings when I gave them advice. “But this is neither your nor Jonah’s fault.”
I shook my head, my hair flying and my head pounding. “No, it’s?—”
“Eli’s feelings were his feelings. His actions were his actions. You can’t know he wouldn’t have done it anyway. You can’t know he wouldn’t have gotten into his parents’ stash and driven into town. You can’t know whether he would’ve gotten hurt or hurt someone else, or both.”
