All the energy drained out of me. For two weeks, I’d tortured myself about Summer. Jackie had hit me withsome hard truths. And now one of those guys I’d let down was berating me.
He was right on every account. I limped to the shop. My hip was not happy about my circles, but the ache was dull and would fade quickly. I sagged against the side of the shop. I let my head rest against the cool metal siding and soaked up the sun.
I was tired. Weary from it all.
Fuck it all, I was lonely too. “I have to live with not being there for Eli. I ditched you. I’m still not around for my parents, so much so that they’re moving and leaving almost everything behind. I can’t take that risk with Summer.” I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed hard. “And if we had kids...”
“You really think tragedy doesn’t strike anyone because they never let anyone down?”
“Teller.”
“I didn’t say bullshit, so you have to listen.”
My lips twitched. How could I find humor in this situation? “You’re a jackass.”
“I’ve been told that a time or so, in case we ever revisit the why-I’m-single conversation again. By the way, I failed you worse.”
I cracked an eye open. His stricken expression caught me off guard.
“I should’ve been there. You were like a brother to me, and I didn’t know how to deal with you being so angry, and it was easier to let you push me away. Then I didn’t have to figure shit out. I was a crappy friend.”
Would I have kept chasing him away, or would he have called me on the same stubbornness that made him relentless today? “We were young.”
“Not that young. Though Eli was. If nothing had happened that day because we’d packed up our fishing supplies early, then what about later when another girlfriend broke his heart? No one knows if he’d have made the same stupid decision, or if he’d still be with us today. We don’t even know if he’d have been out getting groceries only to get T-boned by another dude who got drunk over a girl.”
Logically, I knew everything he was saying made sense. Emotionally, I didn’t want to listen.
“But, yeah, you feel guilty. Honestly, I would too. I do. No one can tell me different. I talked you into staying out longer. So maybe we should quit telling you what not to feel and tell you that you have to learn to accept it and move on.”
I hadn’t accepted what had happened. The way I was living wasn’t moving on.
“As for your parents, have you talked to them about how you feel like you’ve been no help?”
I could barely shake my head. “They’d lie to keep from hurting me. They’re selling because Dad’s been alone for too long. He can’t do it by himself anymore.”
“Or they’ll say something that totally surprises you.” He pushed off the truck and paced between the rear end and the open shop door. “You know my dad used to say he liked ranching as a break from all things distilling. Dad fucking loved to ranch. He loved watching his kids learn about the animals and growing seasons and birth rates. He’d go into the hardware store for a box of screws and stay for an hour, shooting the breeze about feed prices.”
Darin Bailey had been thrilled about everything he did. Raising kids, ranching cattle, and distilling. He’dhad an enthusiasm that was rare. But I didn’t know what point Teller was making.
As if he heard my unspoken thought, he stopped his pacing. “I never got that impression from your dad.”
“What do you mean?” Dad liked working the animals and land just fine.
“Talk to him. You might find out that the thought of never getting a real retirement was a hell of a downer.”
“He never planned to retire.” Dad had never mentioned a thing about it.
“Yet he never pushed you into following his footsteps. He encouraged you to get out in nature as often as you wanted.”
“Eli was going to take over.”
“Because Eli loved the life. Hell, I don’t know. Maybe your dad is disappointed to sell, but that’s not your problem. My dad was always clear with us—no expectations. If we don’t love it, don’t do it. Just because we have two family businesses doesn’t mean they’re our destiny.”
Frowning, I contemplated the concrete pad under my boots. What if my dad didn’t think the same way?
What if he did?
“I can’t just talk to you and my parents and then go tell Summer I’m ready for all of it—kids and a minivan.”
