I gave Macy a tight smile that I hoped didn’t look like a grimace and pushed my cart outside.
The wheel squeaked in time with my limp. A breeze blew the smell of burgers across my nose. I glanced toward the bar. Not many cars were in the lot. I didn’t care about being a spectacle. The freedom from the fear was short-lived. I also didn’t want to be asked about Summer.
What would I tell people?
How did I know anyone would care to ask? They might not have believed the talk if they hadn’t been there themselves. And also... people might not be fucking talking about me. Why the hell was I newsworthy when others were going about their lives trying to survive and buy groceries?
None of my pondering mattered when my stomach growled. Had I eaten yet?
For the last four days, I’d been eating sandwiches until I was left with nothing but the memory of lunch meat in the fridge. Last night, I’d eaten a cheese sandwich rather than make a meal that might summon memories of Summer puttering around in my kitchen.
With or without Summer, I wasn’t going back to being a hermit.
It’d be without Summer. She wasn’t with me, and she wasn’t planning to go out with me anytime soon. But I’d gone to the dive bar before without her.
Except I’d stopped there and ordered a burger because of her.
A car slowed to pull into the parking spot next to me. I jerked. I was standing right where they wanted to park. How long had I been there, twiddling with myself while I thought about Summer?
I lifted my chin as acknowledgment and shuffled out of the way. I got into my truck and drove to the bar. Then I sat there and stared at the door.
They had good food, and I would’ve loved to have taken Summer here. We’d eat and then return to the cabin and get lost in each other. The next morning we’d... What? I’d go work in the shop. She’d bum around the place and maybe visit her family. Without me. Then we’d go out again. More sex. Rinse and repeat.
I had liked our routine. But going through the motions by myself wasn’t the same. Had I been using Summer as my emotional support girlfriend?
Had she been my girlfriend?
Of course she had.
Had I ever called her that?
She’d wanted to know about our future, when I’d been satisfied with the most monogamous semirelationship ever.
Someone pulled up next to me, and I opened my door before I was busted once more staring at nothing. A couple that had to be at least ten years younger than me got out of their car. The guy was vaguely familiar. Ittook a few moments before I recognized him. His name was Bennett. He’d delivered barrels from Copper Summit a few times.
I grabbed my cane once I got a good look at the pockmarked parking lot. Winter had been hard on the asphalt.
Bennett nodded at me. His wife gave me a friendly smile, then clasped his hand. Together they strode toward the entrance, and I trailed behind them.
After she went inside, Bennett stopped to hold the door. I needed a few seconds to catch up.
“Thanks,” I said.
“No problem.” After I entered, he followed me in. I stepped back to let him go around me and link back up with his wife. He nodded almost sheepishly. “Our date nights are getting earlier and earlier.” His laugh was dry.
When he’d made deliveries, he’d tried chatting before. I’d returned his conversation with little more than grunts. Now, I didn’t want to be rude. For once. “Hey, I know the feeling.” Did that sound as empty as it felt?
His smile was quick. “Right? When our babysitters aren’t much older than the kids, we’ve gotta be in earlier than them.”
I had no fucking idea what he was talking about, but I nodded. Idle chatter like this hadn’t happened to me in a long time. Strangers didn’t talk to me unless it was about my injuries. If I weren’t feeling like a kicked dog, I’d appreciate the man’s efforts.
“It’s like the best of both worlds,” his wife added, tangling her fingers through his. “We get to eat out, but then we get to tuck them into bed.”
Normally, I’d want to get away, but the couple’s openness made me want to reciprocate. “That sounds nice.”
Something twisted behind my sternum. Then longing took its place. Well, fuck me. This was what I got, trying to move on mere days after Summer had left me. Why couldn’t I run across a couple that’d talk about cars or the weather or something? Why did I have to run across two parents excited to be on a date in the earliest hours of the evening? I should’ve stayed in my shop and found some priceless artwork some customer wanted me to pour epoxy on.
“Oh, over here.” She tugged Bennett toward a table by the window.
