And this man’s standing here stroking my thigh, nuzzling my messy hair.
“I didn’t want to leave this morning.” His eyes catch on mine. “I stayed there watching you sleep for a lot longer than I intended to.”
More than Grinch cosplay, my heart doubles, then triples in size.
Colt continues, “I really considered pretending I overslept so I didn’t have to go, but I knew you’d kick my ass. Figured if I play my cards right, maybe one day I’ll get to wake up with you every day.”
I can’t look at him and hear those words. Not when there’s the issue of Jonas, and how he’d react to finding out about Colt and me. And definitely not when I haven’t worked up the courage to talk to Colt about what a future with me would actually mean for him—for us. I don’t know what happenswhen I finally tell him, but I want to enjoy whatever this middle part is until it’s time for the end.
“What’s up?” He squeezes my leg, demanding attention. “You seem a little…offall of a sudden.”
Wow, shocker. Maybe it’s that I’m convinced Colt won’t want me when he finds out I’ll never be able to give him a baby. The closest he’d get is Jonas.
I sigh. If only it were so easy to say the words simmering on the tip of my tongue. “I don’t want to get you involved in the bullshit.”
“I’m a ranch hand. Ithrivein bullshit. What is it?”
“Alex asked to take Jonas to the fair. And truthfully, after he didn’t bother telling me Jonas was at his house, I’m not exactly keen to give him what he wants. I mean…he’s basically never around. He constantly cancels on Jonas at the last minute, then comes in with these extravagant gifts and immediately wins him over again. It’s fucking bullshit. He’s never in a hurry to dole out money for any of the things a kid needs, or to spend time with him, or come plead with the principal not to expel Jonas.”
That’s the moment in my venting that gives him pause. His mouth opens, closes, opens. “Expel Jonas? For what?”
“Oh God.”Where do I begin?“For everything. By some miracle, they’re letting him go back when the school year starts next week. And I’m choosing not to dwell on the fact that he’ll have nowhere to go if he gets kicked out.” My shoulders slope. “Butsure,Alex, sounds like a great time for you to pop back up with your Fern and ask to spoil the kid and be fun dad once again.”
Colt chews on a thought, mulling it over with the side-to-side motion of his lower jaw. “But odds are he doesn’t show up, right?”
“Right.” I sigh. The heel of my hand drags over my brow bone. “Why did I pick such a loser to have a kid with? Why couldn’t it have been somebody nice, and funny, andthoughtful, and genuine…like…” I gesture toward him. “Somebody like you.”
I clamp down on my tongue to keep from talking. Pray I accidentally bite it off entirely, so I never say anything that stupid again. In a normal relationship, making comments about having babies together would be insane behavior this early on. But knowing what I know—and he doesn’t know—it’s insaneandincredibly misleading.
And because Colt is the nice guy he is—and would be an incredible father, I’m sure—he doesn’t call attention to it. Simply plants a kiss on my forehead instead. “Then you wouldn’t have Jonas, and he’s the coolest kid I’ve ever met. So as badly as I want to punch Alex in the throat for hurting both of you, I also want to shake his hand and thank him for fucking up enough that I get the chance to be here.”
Heat blooms beneath my cheeks, and I struggle to formulate a response. His eyes have me pinned to the counter.
“Whit, I know…I know you want casual for the sake of Jonas. And I’m guessing it’s also ’cause you haven’t had a chance to see that not all guys are like Alex. But I want you to know that when you’re ready…when you see how good this is, and how goodwe are,that I want all of you. You and Jonas.”
I’m so tempted to apologize for leading him to believe we could be anus,ignore that feeling of birds taking flight in my stomach, and end it all here and now.
“It’s not that simple. You’re just…you’re so sweet. And as much as I want this to be…this.” My voice cracks, barely letting the words escape. “I-I can’t help but feel like you’re better off without someone like me.”
Colt blinks at me.
Regret sweats from my pores and my insides twist. Rather than crumble away, like I expected, the heaviness on my chest compounds until every inflation of my lungs burns.Fuck, what did I just do?
Overhead, a pair of feet hit the floor with a muffledthump thump.
“You’re tired,” Colt says, shaking his head with an expression that says he’s not taking any of my last few sentences seriously. And something about that helps me breathe easier. “You’re tired and you don’t know what’s good for you. We can talk about this after you’ve had your coffee.”
Colt’s lips catch mine and I run my hands through his soft hair to deepen the moment. Indulging in one last long, slow, coffee-flavored kiss before his hands retreat from my thighs and he helps me off the counter.
We’re an appropriate three feet apart when Jonas bounds down the stairs, stopping in his tracks at the sight of Colt.
“Hey, dude.” Colt tips his iced coffee in greeting.
The confusion doesn’t last long. Jonas is already tucking into the box of cinnamon rolls, pulling one nearly the size of his face from the box and chomping down. “What are you doing here?” he asks with a full mouth.
I give Jonas an unimpressed look.
“Truck had to go to the shop, so I figured I’d see what you guys were up to.”
