“So let’s talk about the scrawny baby elephant in the room,” he says.
“Jonas hasn’t been happy when I’ve gone on dates before. Last time was a couple years ago, and he lied to his babysitter about throwing up so she’d call me.”
“Okay, not to toot my own horn—but actually,beep beep—Jonas thinks I’m really cool. I doubt he’ll be mad about me being around more often.”
Until his heart breaks when you’re not around at all.
“But that’s as a friend, not as his mom’s boyfriend. He’s never done well with change, so there’s a good chance he’s going to feel differently if we’retogether.”
“That’s kind of what my mom said, too.”
Something spins and fizzes in my stomach like the drop of an Alka-Seltzer in a glass of water.
“You talked to your mom about this already?”
“I did. And she told me to take things slow….” He mouths the wordoops,and smiles sheepishly. “Maybe Jonas doesn’t need to know right away. Love the kid, but he seems to have been oblivious to us eye-fucking the hell out of each other so far. I’m sure we can pretend to only be friends for a while longer.”
“Yeah…” I glance down at his hand, which has slowly inched its way from his thigh to mine and is rubbing softly. “Something makes me think you’re going to have a hard time with that.”
“No way. I can fake it so good, you’ll nominate me for an Oscar.Pretend Jonas is coming into the room.” He raises his eyebrows in challenge.
I lick my lips. “Oh,shit. Jonas just walked in the door.”
Using his hands on my knees, he launches his chair backward, dragging across the floor with a harsh squeal. Two of the four legs lift off the ground, and Colt grabs frantically atthe table to stop himself from crashing down. He teeters there for a second before the chair rights itself with a resounding thud. Wide-eyed, he clutches his chest.
“Oh, he’sdefinitelynot going to be suspicious of that.” I laugh, wincing only slightly at the way it makes my head pound. The joy’s worth the pain. “So…you want to be friends with benefits?”
I guess that’s sort of what Alex and I have always been, haven’t we? Well…we weren’t really friends. And the benefits were largely for him.
But no strings. No promise of long term. No need to worry that he’ll want to have a talk months or years down the road about marriage and babies. Emotion clings to my throat. I know how that talk goes, and it never ends with a man sayingI don’t care because Jonas is the only kid I want in my life.
“No, Whit.” He scooches toward me again. All the grating chair noises are seriously aggravating my headache. But the next words crack my skull—and chest—open entirely. “I want to be your boyfriend.”
I choke on my own spit and frantically reach for his coffee. The sugary concoction invades my mouth, annihilating my taste buds and forming cavities as I cough and sputter.
“Colt, that tastes like you wafted coffee in the general direction of a cup of sugar.”
“Anette added extra chocolate and caramel to my frappe this morning because I needed the pick-me-up.” He takes the cup from my hands and takes a quick sip before setting it down. “I don’t think I should be your boyfriend right this second. At the very least, I need to take you on a date first. I want to do everything the proper way, withoneexception.”
Don’t waste your time on me. I’m a fruitless endeavor—literally,I want to scream.
I don’t. Instead, I straighten myself in my chair and rasp, “What’s that?”
“I’m kissing you. Not when Jonas is around, obviously. ButI’ve been staring at your lips since I woke up this morning. I don’t think I can wait until after we’ve gone on a date to kiss you again.”
I know I should let him down gently right here and now. End things before they start. Go back to watching him from the opposite end of the couch and reliving it in my bed alone.
“Colt…I—” I stutter. The instant flash of hopelessness in his ever-confident expression has me backpedaling. I know the grief of wanting something so desperately and having to come to terms with the fact that you won’t ever have it. And at eight a.m. while nursing a hangover and still feeling the chafing on my lips from his facial hair, I can’t do it to him. I can’t tamp out the hope he has thatmaybe,with enough time, I could be the one.
I won’t be. He’ll find that out soon enough. Just not today. And hopefully the joy will be worth the pain.
“Not when Jonas is around,” I reiterate. “And it’s going to be casual.”
“Can I ask you on a very casual date? The drive-in doesn’t end their season for a few more weeks.”
Wow. I didn’t anticipate the beginning of the end to come so fast. I didn’t expect Colt, of all men, to forget about the fact that I have a child.
“What about Jonas?”
