When the procedure was over, so was any chance of fixing Denver and me. Without explanation, the one person I’d always felt safe relying on—trusting—didn’t show up when I needed him more than ever before.
Blair
Letting his ice cream spoon drop into the tub, Denver tugs me into his side, smushing my cheek against his warm, bare chest.
“I carried—carry—so much regret about everything that happened. I know having an abortion was the right choice, but I also know I could’ve handled things differently.” I breathe the musky scent of his skin, holding as tight to him as I can. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first.”
“You were right—we were in no position to have a baby. I was in no condition to actually make good on the promises I was making. Hell, I was acting like a baby myself.”
“I wish we would’ve been in a situation where we could’ve kept the baby, because then I could’ve kept you. It sucks knowing I’m the one who broke us,” I admit with a tear-filled sigh.
“You didn’t. It wasn’t your fault.” His lips press to my head. “Good to know we’ve both been blaming ourselves, though.”
I settle into the grounding thump of his heartbeat and say, “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
I take a deep breath and center my palm over the small bear tattooed on his leg. “Why didn’t you come to the appointment back then? Or come to check on me after? Youdidn’t—” I pause to compose myself, fighting the burning in my lungs. “I needed you to be there. I needed you to be with me.”
“I hate myself for not being there. There’s no excuse that’s worth the air it would take to speak it. I was being a selfish kid, and you deserved better from me.”
“Okay, so no excuses. Give me five seconds of honesty and tell me what you were doing that day, even if it hurts me to hear it.”
I’ve always told myself I don’t need to hear whatever excuse he had for not being there, thinking it would only cause more devastation. Now here I am, practically begging him to destroy me with his words. If there’s any hope for a future, we can’t sit with a live bomb in the room anymore.
“It’s fucking stupid, though, Blair. I don’t want you to hate me all over again.”
“Ineverhated you,” I admit. “I was heartbroken.”
“To-may-to, to-mah-to.”
I give his side a little pinch. “You’re breaking the rules. You’re supposed to be giving me your truth right now.”
“I drove to Vancouver the night before and knew you were with Cass, so I stayed away. In the morning, I went to Stanley Park and walked along the seawall trying to clear my head—ended up scaring some old ladies because I was crying so hard. I had no reason not to be at your appointment. Hell, I sat in my truck in the hospital parking lot the entire time. And I knew I was being a complete piece of shit by skipping it, but I justcouldn’t.”
My eyebrows pull together, and I tear myself from his arms to look at him. “I waited in the lobby for an embarrassing amount of time, hoping you’d show up. And you…were sitting in the parking lot?”
“See, I told you it was a shit excuse. I was so fucking lost that day.” In a rapid succession of blinks, tears pool in his eyes, then dissipate. “After I left, I convinced somebody tobootleg alcohol for me, then I sat in the back of my truck bed drinking for the rest of the day. Cassidy sent me some threatening text messages, and I didn’t bother responding because there was no explaining myself.”
“What about after? Why not come after? Or call me.Something.”
“Figured I’d already lost everything I cared about, and there was no way you’d forgive me after that, so I gave up. Losing you was my punishment.”
“You’re my person. I would’ve forgiven you in a heartbeat.”
“I-I wish I could change the way things went down. I shouldn’t have proposed to you in the middle of the night in your dorm room in a last-ditch effort to keep you. I shouldn’t have tried to make you give up your dreams because I saw a way to have a family while mine was crumbling. And I really shouldn’t have made you go through it alone.” His fingers press so hard to the inner corners of his eyes, I begin to worry he’ll blind himself. “Thatis the biggest regret of my life. Followed closely by every action that made you think I’d moved on over the last fourteen years.”
“I forgive you. A thousand times over, I forgive you.” I pull away from his chest to look into the rich browns of his sad eyes, then I kiss the worry away from his face. Letting my tongue swipe across his lower lip and trailing my fingertips over the muscular ridges of his shoulders. “I hurt you, too. You needed me there for you just as badly as I needed you there for me. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I forgave you so long ago, Blair.”
We didn’t break—not completely. Years ago we splintered, but every whispered truth and healing kiss is bonding us back together. Stronger than before, with any luck.
Licking my lips between kisses, I test the way telling him I’m in love with him would feel. Last night it was said in a way that made it seem like a throwaway statement, rather thanthe emotional confession it should be. And he deserves more. He deserves the world.
My phone rings on the bedside table, and I groan at the intrusion, reluctantly peeling my skin from his to reach for it. If it were anyone but my dad, I’d ignore it without a second thought, never wanting to leave this moment with Denver.
“Hey, Dad. What’s up?”
