Denver:Another bad day?
I look over at Mom, who finally got her shoelaces tied on the seventh try. It’s not a bad day—not at all—and that’s exactly why I can’t jeopardize my own mental health. I need to remain strong and put together, so I can relish her good days and be her support for the bad.
Blair:No, I just need some time alone with my mom.
Whit’s waiting for us at the stop sign, and Mom gives her a hug that makes up for the disaster from last night. And we turn toward the Wells Ranch Road, aiming for a walking trailthat skirts town, running beside the Timothy River and through thick forest.
“Night and day difference from yesterday,” Whit says quietly, hooking a thumb toward where Mom’s a full twenty feet ahead like she’s practicing for an Olympic speed-walking event.
“Thankfully. Poor Dad would probably quit the family if both of us were in a weird mood today.”
She turns her head slightly, skirting around a tree branch fallen halfway across the trail. “Why are you in a weird mood? Last night you seemed cute and love drunk after kissing Denny.”
“I snuck him into my room last night.”
Besides Cassidy, Whit’s the only person who knows how often Denver used to sneak into my room. Mostly because, at only two years younger than me, she was frequently still awake when he snuck in. I did alotof her homework to stop her from telling our parents.
She slaps me on the arm. “You’re close to thirty-two and still sneaking boys into your room?”
“Apparently.” I kick a pebble down the trail like I’m dribbling a soccer ball. “I think it was a big mistake though…. I was feeling like total shit after everything with Mom. And asking him to come over seemed like a good idea, so I wouldn’t be alone with my thoughts.”
“Then you hooked up.”
I scoff. “How dare you assume?Okay,yeah, we did. And now I’m messed up over it.”
If we were still teenagers, I’d smack the smirk right off my sister’s face.
“Sis, take it from somebody who’s had some on-again-off-again with my ex. Follow your gut. If you’re not feeling good about this, walk away before you’re in too deep.”
“You’re right.” I gnaw at a piece of chapped skin on mylower lip. “I just…what if there’s no such thing as getting over your first love?”
“Then I’m doomed to a life where Alex gets to hold power over me forever. I refute that idea.” She grabs my hand, squeezing. “Do you think you’re simply feeling nostalgic for the way things used to be, or do you actually love him still?”
I think about the way he held me last night, wiping my tears and kissing away every thought in my head.I needed him, and he came.
“What if—hear me out—part of me wants to take a risk and find out the hard way?”
“Then you should follow your gut, just like I said.”
“But I’m terrified, Whit. He might hurt me all over again.”
She nods. “He might. And if he does, it’s gonna suck.”
For a moment I stay quiet, listening to the crunch of compact dirt under my sneakers, waiting for her to add abut.
She doesn’t.
So I do. “But…he also might not.”
“Absolutely. He might not.” Her lips roll into a flat smile. “Guess you need to decide which ‘might’ you want to bet on.”
We turn a corner on the trail, coming to a fork I don’t remember existing. Immediately Whit looks at me with wide eyes, then calls out for Mom.
Holding my palms to either side of my mouth, I scream, “Mom!”
Hearing nothing, I say, “Okay, it’s fine. There’s only two ways she could’ve gone. So we’ll each take a trail and…jog, so we can catch up to her, since she was walking pretty fast.”
Without another word, Whit takes off down the left trail, and I take the right. Running until my lungs burn and every breath brings me one second closer to collapse. When the trails converge again, Whit’s waiting with her hands on her knees, keeled over, catching her breath.
