Days later, I walked into the big house to find Lucy in the kitchen for the first time in weeks, sipping on chamomile tea. Noticing me enter the room, she looked up and smiled weakly. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Hey, Mama.” I wrapped my arms around her small body, inhaling the musky scent of her favorite body wash—it was technically “formulated for men,” but she said it made her skin soft for half the price of women’s body wash. And anyway, it wouldn’t matter what she smelled like, because her husband, Bennett, would love her even covered in cow shit.
“You feeling good today?” I asked, pouring myself a cup of coffee.
“Great, actually. I was thinking I’d go sit on the back porch in the sun for a while. Boys probably won’t be back until dusk.”
I nodded, stirring the sugar cubes until they’d dissolved, then I led the way to the porch swing. “Maybe the meds are working, if you’re feeling better.”
Lucy didn’t say anything, but she sipped her tea and looked out at the lush hayfield separating the big house from the main road. And I took in her frail, pale body in my periphery—so different even from the last time I saw her. Her house slippers dragged on the wooden floorboards with every slow swing.
“Thank you for being in our lives, Blair.” Her voice wavered as she said it, and she stopped to clear her throat. “I know you’re sixteen, with big plans for university, and a whole life ahead of you. It’s a big ask, and I promise I’ll love you all the same if you tell me I’m being a selfish jerk.”
I turned to look at her, catching the glassiness in her eyes and the way her small smile faltered. “You know I’d do anything you asked me to do.”
“Look out for my boys? When…when they don’t have me here to make sure they’re staying out of trouble, and not fighting with each other, and…” She stopped to aggressively wipe the tears running in rivulets down her cheeks. And I did the same, my jaw quivering as I struggled to find words.
“I will,” I choked out. “You know I will.”
“I really hoped I would be having this conversation with you before your wedding one day. You know the whole ‘look after my baby for me’ speech.” She sniffled, blinking rapidly to clear the pooling in her eyes. Denver’s seemingly random proposal suddenly made perfect sense to me; she’d likely had a very similar heartfelt conversation with him recently. “Andwe can hold out hope for a miracle, but I don’t think it’s coming. So I want you to know now how lucky we are to have you—how lucky he is. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”
I grabbed her hands in mine, smoothing my thumb over her soft skin. No longer caring enough to keep up with wiping away every tear hanging from my jaw, or the snot running from my stinging nose. I swallowed thick saliva, fighting to breathe as I stared into the eyes of the woman I considered my second mother. A woman who had given me so much, and who looked completely at peace with this conversation—as if she innately knew I would follow through with looking out for her boys and taking care of her baby. Lucy trusted me like I was her own daughter, and I fell into her. My head resting on her shoulder as I wept, letting her stroke my hair softly.
“I know, honey. It’s going to be okay. You’ll all have each other, and it’ll all be okay.”
Denver
July seventh is a weird day on the ranch. Has been since the last birthday we had with Mom, when Dad carried her out to a lawn chair set out on the grass and we pretended like she’d be around for a hundred more birthdays to come. We ate our weight in the delicious food Kate made, while filling the hot summer air with stories and laughter. Blair sat on my lap, drinking fruit punch and running her fingers through my hair. When Mom got tired, Dad brought her to bed, and the rest of us stayed up until two o’clock in the morning around a bonfire.
But it’s been different without her. Dad shows up at the ranch twice a year—to commemorate her birthday and the day she died. We have an uncomfortable family dinner, always without Austin, and I try my damnedest to keep things lighthearted.
Hopping out of the shower, I send Aus one last text invite for dinner. I know he won’t come, but I can’t help shooting my shot at getting everyone together. For Mom. For Grandpa.
The walk to the big house is slow and torturous until I see Blair’s vehicle parked out front. Then my pace quickens, until I’m practically at a jog. Taking the front porch stairs two at a time, and blowing through the screen door. With one long exhale as I stroll down the hallway, I play ittotallycool walking into the kitchen. In a split second, the wind deflates from my sails when Blair is nowhere in sight.
But my dad is.
“Hey, Dad.” I give him a nod hello, immediately heading for a cold beer out of the fridge.
He briefly looks up from where he’s drawing with Odessa at the table. “Hey, kid.”
I fish a key out of my pocket to crack open the beer, then take a swig and lean against the counter next to where Kate’s chopping up vegetables. Mid-dice, Kate casually mutters, “She’s over at Cassidy’s. Maybe you should text her and ask if she wants to stay for dinner.”
I nearly choke on my drink. Doeseveryonearound here have bets placed on us getting together or what?
“I’m not subjecting her to this shit show,” I say under my breath.
Just then, Blair walks into the room, instantly invigorating the overall energy with her sunshine smile. “Bennett Wells? No way!”
She rushes around the side of the table, wrapping him in a hug, and Dad smiles for what’s probably the first time all day.
“I heard you were back in town,” he says. “Didn’t expect to find you out here causing trouble after all these years, though.”
Probably also the most Dad hasspokenall day.
Blair steps back, smiling at him. “Yeah, my best friend is Red’s baby mama, so I’ve been here a lot lately. But what are you doing here?”
I wince and take a sip of beer, waiting for the hammer to drop and all the happiness in her tone to dissipate in an instant.
