“You’re…you’re not coming, are you?” I fight the urge to cry, emotion clung to every word, saliva pooling in my mouth.
“I wanted to so fucking bad, Eira. Honest.”
My lip quivers, and I bite down until the physical pain nearly outweighs the emotional anguish.
“I just can’t get away from this place this weekend. I had something come up, and I tried to move it but…” Admittedly, there’s a small shred of joy in my soul when his words trail off because his voice is too shaky to finish. I probably shouldn’t feel comforted by his pain, but hurting together is better than wondering if I’m alone in my anguish.
“It’s okay.”No, it’s not.“I understand.”No, I do not.
“I’m going to make this up to you, I promise.”
I turn off the burner to slow the roll of the boiling broth. Based on the way my stomach’s already twisting itself into tight knots, I’m not eating anything tonight anyway. With a focused breath, I shut my eyes and don’t bother stopping the tears building in the corners.
“I-I really wanted to see you,” I say softly. “I miss you.”
“God, I miss yousomuch. It’s killing me not to be coming there. I can’t stand it.”
“Lucas…” My voice breaks for good. I don’t even know what I was about to say. What can I even say in this situation?Give your dreams up for me because I think I’m in love with you?
“Please don’t cry,” he pleads. “Please. I swear, I’ll come visit as soon as I can.”
“I know.” My face scrunches in agony. “It’s okay. I’ll go to that country concert with Holly tonight instead. And I’ll call you tomorrow like normal, right?”
“Fuck.Um… yeah, but can it wait until tomorrow night? I have some important ranch business I need to handle during the day.”
Sighing, I nod despite knowing he can’t see me. “Sure, tomorrow night. I… uh, guess I better go get ready for the concert.”
“Have fun, baby. I miss you so much.”
My knees buckle at the precise moment I end the call, and I remain nothing but a lump on the kitchen floor for the next hour. The concert was simply an excuse to hang up before I said something I didn’t mean. Or,worse, something Idomean.
Sobbing into my knees, arms wrapped around myself, I question every interaction we’ve had lately. Plucking figurative daisy petals in my mind.Does he love me? Does he love me not?
And when I’ve peeled myself from the floor, barely dragging my broken heart down the hall to the bathroom, I strip the cute loungewear from my fully shaved and exfoliated body, and cry my eyes out in the bath.
The water barely covers half of my body, leaving me shivering despite the hot water, and I can’t help but think of Lucas’s rough hands holding a small, soft washcloth as he sweetly cleaned my skin. I can’t reasonably ask him to throw away his entire life, and all the things he’s worked so hard for, because I would give anything to see his smile, feel the warmth of his hands on my skin, and taste the sweetness of his lips on a daily basis.
I would give anything…
Fate brought us together twice before, but I can’t sit back and naively expect it to realize we’re idiots who need repeated meet-cutes to help us stay together. I have to take it into my own hands and find a way to show him how good we are together. Give him reason to believe we can make it.
Chapter twenty-three
Lucas
March 25
Itoss a hay bale over the paddock fence and yank my phone from my pocket. My sister’s obnoxious personalized ringtone has gone off no less than four times in the last half hour.
“Fucking Christ, Holly. This better be an emergency.” I wipe a bead of sweat from my eyebrow and start the trek back toward the hay shed. The piece-of-shit skidsteer brokeagain, so I’m hand-bombing hay out to every animal on the property. Flames lick at the muscles in my back with each movement, and my shirt’s drenched in sweat despite the cool temperature.
“Oh, it’s about to be if I have to drive out there and wring your neck.”
I reach for my water bottle sitting on the fence post to pour equal amounts into my mouth and overtop of my head. “What for now?”
“Eira,” she spits into the phone.
Her name clobbers my heart with a steel pipe. I already know I’m fucking things up with her—praying it’ll be worth it if she sticks this out for a while longer.
