In spite of the tension, I curl my fingers around the shower door handle. An hour ago, I would’ve slipped in after him without question, kissing him deeply and maybe suggesting we go for round two. But now I don’t know what’s going on.
What if he’s as sullen and closed off as people say, and now that he’s gotten what he wants, he’s driving me away?
My eyes dart to the door, debating if I should sneak away and go back to the cabin. Except I really don’t want to leave tonight. Part of me doesn’t want to leave, period.
I sat with thoughts of staying for the entire drive back to the ranch after the day at the stables and a drive past the elementary school to see the snowmen Lucas loves. I found myself inadvertently scanning store windows in town forHelp Wantedsigns, as if I could pack it all up and move to Fox Ridge. Hell, I’d even settle for a snowstorm that keeps me here until the new year.
But now…
“Come in here, Doodlebug.”
Releasing a pent-up breath, I slip into the steamy box, and his hands instantly find their way to my hips. In spite of theunanswered questions and ache in my chest over his potential answers, I lap up his touch.
Once I'm fully enveloped in his arms, my heartbeat becomes indistinguishable from his, and Lucas stops the Earth from spinning altogether with a ravaging kiss. Wet hands grabbing either side of my face, stealing my breath with the firm stroke of his tongue on mine, and shutting up every anxious thought in my brain.
I still have to leave after Christmas. But right now, I’m his.
“Are you okay?” he asks quietly.
“That was unexpectedly rough, but I’m fine.” I tuck into the space under his jaw. “Are you?”
“I got a little lost in my head.”
“Happens to the best of us.”
“And then I just got angry—not at you. Angry with myself for… feeling.” A half laugh slips out of him. “Wow, hearing that though out loud…yikes.If you’re sore at all, I’ll draw you a bath while I feed you Christmas cookies and wash your hair to make up for it.”
“In that case…” I groan dramatically, keeling over in mock pain. “Make sure you condition it, too. And while you do all that, you can tell me about this big, elusive, scary feeling.”
He sighs, and that alone tells me how hard he’s grappling with something. “Fate is so fucking cruel to only give me a small taste of what having you is like. To show me what I can’t have… It's infuriating.”
My lips roll together, and I fidget with a lock of wet hair. There are so many things I could say, but shouldn’t. So many things I should say but can’t.
What a fucking mess we’ve created.
“And now you’re completely freaked out, probably thinking I’ll lock you in this house to keep you forever or something.”
I shrug casually. “I get it. If I thought talking with you all night at the bar—and then your hotel room—was the best night I’d ever had, this has been…”
No words.
“Yeah…”
No words from him, either.
“Yeah,” I concur.
One more day together, and regardless of our feelings, this conversation doesn’t warrant more than ayeah. I have a job and a life in the city. He has a job and a life here. Does it suck? A little.
Okay…a lot.
“Merry Christmas,” Lucas whispers in my ear before I’ve fully awoken. For a moment, I let him think I’m still asleep, revelling in his soft breath against my shoulder and the feather-light touch of his fingertips stroking my hair.
And I do my best not to dwell on the what ifs. That was the promise we made while he washed my hair—in the shower, not bath, because I was rushing to curl up next to him under the covers. We agreed that December twenty-sixth was something we’d face no earlier than 11:59 p.m. on Christmas day.
When I peel open my eyes, sunlight’s streaming in through his bedroom window, blanketing our bodies in a pink-hued morning glow. And Lucas is looking at me with a smile that rivals the sunshine. Like a small child on Christmas morning, he’s practically bouncing in place, and my heart rate innately speeds up to match his.
“Morning,” I rasp, half-closing my eyes until they adjust to the wild world around me. “What time is—”
