I telepathically threaten my best friend, Blair, while pacing my kitchen. When her smiling face appears on the video call, I burst into tears for approximately the thirteenth time this morning. Truthfully, I’m shocked I have tears left to shed.
“Hey, oh my God.” Her face blanches at the sight of me. “Sorry I missed all your calls. I’ve been swamped at work. What’s going on?”
I scrub my hands over my face, smearing mascara and snot. A rattling, painful breath overinflates my lungs, and there’s no option but to scream to release it. A blood-curdling, peel-the-wallpaper type of scream.
“Cass. What the fuck is going on? Is somebody dead? What’s happening?”
“I don’t even know. You’re the medical professional, so please tell me.” I bite my lip, frantically wiping my blurry eyes with my free hand, and tap my phone screen to switch to the rear-facing camera. Showing her the half-dozen pregnancy tests I’ve peed on so fartoday.
“Cassidy!”
“That’s why I’ve called you eighty billion times. I’m freaking the fuck out here.”
“Holy fucking shit! I don’t think you needed to take that many tests, but kudos to you for being so well-hydrated. No need for my medical advice, Cass. You’re definitely pregnant.”
Obviously, I knew that. The second pink line showed up within minutes.Super pregnant. So pregnant I didn’t need to wait the full timespan on the instructions for confirmation. So pregnant the test line is somehow darker than the control. But hearing her say it out loud hits me like a ton of bricks.
“What do I do?” I ask her, while also talking to myself.
“Well, okay… speaking as your nurse practitioner, you have options. Do you know what they are?”
“Yeah, yeah. In theory, I do. I just need you to tell me which one to pick.”
She laughs under her breath. “You need to decide for yourself. I mean, if you really want input, you could always tell Derek… but only if you want to. It’s not his decision, at the end of the day.”
Derek.She assumes I’m pregnant with Derek’s baby. Of course she does. That’s what everybody will assume. And I could’ve easily convinced myself that was the case, except I got my period the day after we broke up. The phone hits the table, and I bury my head in my hands.
“Except…” I scrunch my nose up and catch her staring back with wide eyes. “He isn’t the sperm donor, so there’s no sense involving him.”
“You’ve been holding out on me? You found a rebound guy and didn’t bother to tell me about it? Here I thought we were best friends, asshole. Who’s the guy?”
“I can’t tell you. It’s the most embarrassing thing. I drank a lot, and it was a moment of weakness—I mean,clearly,I was ovulating at the time. So we’ll chalk it up to primal instinct.”
“Cassidy Marie Bowman. Tell me this instant. I’ve been your best friend for close to thirty years and I demand to know who you slept with to get over your moldy muffin of an ex.”
I don’t know if the nausea is morning sickness or anxiety induced, but I take a long sip of water to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth. And to delay the inevitable.
“Nobody can know this, okay?”
“Sure. Unless you decide to keep the baby… then I think people will find out.”
I cover my mouth with my hand, letting the word trickle out from between my fingers. “Red.”
“Thompson? Are you messing with me? What the hell were you thinking?”
“I told you.Ovulation. I was at the mercy of thousands of years of human instinct and a few too many beers.”
“Wait… hold up. Didn’t you have a crush on him at one point? Maybe that’s why you chose him to hook up with. Do you secretly have a crush on him still?”
“Don’t you dare. I was twelve and collected crushes as a hobby. I had a crush on Max fromA Goofy Movie,for Christ’s sake. Briefly liking Red when I was a dumb kid means absolutely nothing.”
“Oh my God, I forgot about your Max phase.” She laughs so intensely it turns into nothing but a wheeze. “To be fair… I kind of get Red’s allure. He’s always been hot for a ginger, and puberty did good things for him. I think it’s honestly better than if you were pregnant with Derek’s baby. Fuck that cheating prick.Red might have a temper and be rough around the edges and be a bit of a manwhore and—”
“You’re not doing a great job selling him. I know I fucked up. Derek and Alyssa came to the rodeo. He said some rude shit. Ugh, and he looked at me likeIwas the pathetic one between us.” My blood pressure rises thinking about the interaction. “Red was available and willing to help me get back at him, so we fucked on the hood of Derek’s car. Left behind some scratches in the paint, and I think he actually hung the condom off the side mirror afterward.”
Blair cackles. Doubling over with laughter and accidentally dropping her phone on the hospital floor.
“Fuck, that’s incredible. Did I just become team Red?” When she picks the phone back up, tears brim her lower lids and she’s massaging her cheek muscles. “Okay. Anyway, my point stands. If you want input, I guess you’ll have to talk to Red then.”
