Jackson pats his stomach. “Well, when a woman cooks as good as you.”
I didn’t even notice Denny sneak in on the other side of me until he opens his dumb mouth. “Red doesn’t need to worry about getting a dad bod, then. He doesn’t have a woman cooking for him.”
“Good,” Kate says, glaring at Denny. “It shouldn’t have to be the woman cooking all the time,Denver.”
“Jesus. Put more words in my mouth, why don’t ya.” Denny throws his hands up in surrender. “It’s not that only women should cook, I’m just saying he doesn’t have a woman,period. He’s too scared to make it official.”
“Shut the fuck up, Den.” I’d love to tell him he’s wrong, but he’s not. Cassidy’s after-sex speech has made it obvious she has no interest in dating. And, as much as it kills me, I can’t say I disagree with her logic. We’re having a baby together, and a messy break up is the last thing we need. She’s hormonal, I’ve never been in a relationship before—the odds of us lasting are low.
“Red, you just gotta do it.” Kate adjusts in her seat, wiggling closer to the hot flames. “It’s scary, but if you don’t say anything, you run the risk of losing her entirely. Ask Jackson all about that.”
Jackson throws her a look, clearly not appreciating being dragged into this.
“I had to tell him to ask me to be his girlfriend,” Kate continues. “After their mom passed, he was going to let me leave here and move back in with my parents.”
“I was not!” Jackson protests.
“No? That’s why the night before I was supposed to leave, I confronted you and asked why the hell you weren’t asking me to stay. Sounds to me like you were letting me go.”
Jackson grabs her hand and kisses it before placing their clasped hands in his lap. “Nah, I just knew you weren’t serious about leaving.”
“Okay, but Cassidy isn’t going anywhere.” I sip the hot cocoa, ready to be done with this discussion. It seems every conversation around the ranch circles back to talking about us.
“She’s staying in Wells Canyon, sure.” Kate leans forward to look past Jackson, staring me down in a way that says there’s no sense arguing. “But there’s other men out there. You like her, and I’m pretty confident she feels the same. And you’re gonna lose her if you keep fucking around.”
19
Cassidy
This babymoon, getaway, girls trip, whatever you want to call it, could not have come soon enough. With the exception of two days over Christmas, Chase has slept at my house every night for weeks. Honestly, I think my vibrator’s starting to feel a bit put out.
Having him around has been good… dangerously good. So good I’m struggling to remind myself that we’re nothing more than friends. Because I know friends don’t look at each other the way we do.
If he was just coming over for a booty call, there’s a chance I could manage to keep my emotions tightly guarded. It’s the rest of it. Cooking dinner together, cuddling on the couch to watch TV, talking until long after we should be asleep. It’s feeling completely comfortable wearing baggy clothes and no makeup when he’s around. Being with him is effortless in the same way breathing is. I don’t have to think when he’s there. We fit together—there’s no denying that—but some part of me is terrified we’re not like puzzle pieces. Maybe he and I are broken chunks of glass mod-podged together; we fit well enough for now, but are bound to fall apart eventually.
Wereallyneed these few days apart to reset, then we have to set boundaries. Because, as of right now, the only rule is no kissing. Thedinners, cuddles, sex, sleepovers… I know it’s a bad idea. That’s not how I operate. I like rules. I like feeling in control. Having sex with somebody I’m not dating, playing fast and loose with my heart—two things that aresonot me.
Blair buzzes me into the building, and I move as fast as my tired feet, sore back, and extra twenty pounds will allow me. She briefly stopped by The Horseshoe on her way into town for Christmas, mostly because my dad would never forgive her if she didn’t at least say hi. But this is the first time we’re having a proper reunion, and I throw myself into her as soon as she opens the apartment door.
“God, I missed you.” I clutch her tight. “Please can we never go this long without being together again?”
“Never.” She lets go of the hug to caress my stomach. “You’ve grown over half a human since the last time we hung out.”
“Again—concerned that you work in medicine. She’s afullhuman, just… small.”
“You know what I meant.” She rolls her eyes, caressing my stomach like a fortune teller with a crystal ball. “How’s my future best friend? Come in and sit.”
I follow her inside, tossing my duffle bag to the ground. Despite spending hours seated in the car, my spine’s on fire, begging for a break from the weight of my stomach and boobs. So I sink into the plush, white couch next to her.
“She wants me to eat all the time and then gives me killer heartburn. Makes me constantly tired, but I can’t sleep. Our relationship has a lot of ups and downs.”
“Typical parent and child shit, then. Speaking of which, how are things with your dad? When I was there it seemed… tense.” She plucks at a loose thread on the hem of her shirt.
“Still tense. Christmas was weird. We watched alotof movies to avoid talking. And he insists that he’s fine when I ask, but he’s clearly super disappointed. It’s like the time I got a C in grade ten math and he sighed every time he looked at me for two weeks.”
I pull my legs onto the couch so I’m sitting criss-cross and slowly rub my sore knees. I’ve had chronic joint pain for as long as I can remember, but everything hurts even more these days.
“He wasn’t this dramatic about you getting pregnant in the first place. Is it because of Red?”
