“You might know, but I was the one who found Jocelyn’s body all those years ago. No, I didn’t just find her body, I saw her die, and I wasn’t able to stop it. I was too outnumbered. I didn’t get to her in time. We were surprise attacked by a gang who wanted our territory. We were on our way home one afternoon and were quickly surrounded. They tried to take her, but she fought hard, and during that fight, she was killed. I killed many of our attackers, but they were too much of a distraction for me to get to her. I failed her.”
My voice broke, and I looked down at my lap, rubbing my hands over my thighs. I felt nauseous again, reminded of that time. I could see her body in front of me. Clawed and torn. Although it had been quick, she had suffered. I had tried to feed her my blood, but it had been too late. Her eyes had already been dulled by death.
I didn’t look up at Billie. I didn’t need her to see the emotion in my eyes at that moment. I wasn’t supposed to look weak. I needed her to feel protected by us. She wasn’t supposed to comfort me. No wonder the guys didn’t want me going to her first. They were concerned enough she chose me after Kai. They had a right to be.
I rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m probably not the best person to be protecting you. It was selfish of me wanting to be here.”
Billie reached out a hand and placed it on top of my own, giving it a light squeeze of encouragement. I hadn’t touched her since our hugs that first night of meeting her. She’d pulled away physically from me since then. I think our easy connection scared her. As much as I craved her touch again, I wouldn’t pressure her. So just the feel of her now made me tremble, and I fought the urge to pull her close to me. Instead, I slowly moved my hand away and crossed my arms, hunching forward. I didn’t deserve her touch. I’d gotten swept up thinking I was good enough for her, but seeing Anil reminded me that I wasn’t suitable.
She sighed and lowered her hand back to her own lap. That small retreat made me want to kick myself. She had offered what I desperately wanted, but I was too in my head with self-pity to accept it. It was probably too late to touch her hand now.
“Ty,” she said in a quiet voice. “You are here because I want you here. And so far, you’ve been protecting me just fine.”
I still couldn’t meet her eyes. She only liked me because she didn’t know me. Didn’t know how damaged I was. How damaged we all really are. It would be a while before we’d tell her all our trauma. We’d moved on, some better than others. Well, some better at hiding it than others.
“No one actually said I let them down, but I blamed myself enough. I couldn’t look anyone in the eye, and I couldn’t pass anything in the house without being reminded of her. We had barely begun, and then she was gone, just like that,” I continued.
I could still see their faces when I had brought her broken body home in my arms. Lance had actually attacked me, but the others had pulled him off of me. I hadn’t fought back. I had understood his anger. He hadn’t said I let her down, but there had been no need. He had apologized, but it didn’t matter. I had already became a husk of who I once was. I wasn’t able to hear words.
“Ty,” she sighed. “I’m sorry.”
I looked up this time and saw the sympathy in her face. She raised her hand as if to reach out to touch me again but then placed it back down. I dropped my shoulders but put my hand down between us so that my pinkie not-so-innocently grazed the outside of her skirt-covered thigh. It would have to do for now, and even that minute contact felt like a relief.
I went on with my story. “I had to leave for a while. When I was gone, I fell into some bad times. I did bad things like getting into fights and stealing. Went blood lust. I didn’t kill anyone, but it was a matter of time. I came close. Anil came in when I joined his gang for a while. And Anil was no saint. He was a womanizer and chauvinistic. He did awful things, but I wasn’t in a place to judge. I will say, I don’t believe you could ever be safe with him. Not from outside threats but from him.”
She nodded, not looking like she needed that much convincing there. “So, what got you out of the hole you were in?”
I gave a light chuckle, memories flashing back in my mind’s eye. “Believe it or not, Kai. None of them gave up on me, but he was especially persistent about dragging me back. He came to blows with the leader of the gang I was in and then teleported me away. They then locked me up until I got out of my bloodlust haze. Eventually, I came back to my senses. Had to face the music. Anil left the gang as well and straightened up, but clearly, he has the same arrogant personality he used to have. He used to get a lot of attention from women. I’m sure it’s eating him alive that he didn’t immediately get you.”
She scoffed, rubbing her stomach. “If looks were all that mattered, I would have signed at the dotted line with you guys.”
I gave her a slow grin, comforted we had gone to lighter territory. Perhaps I hadn’t run her away. “You think we’re sexy?”
She rolled her eyes and looked me up and down with a suggestive look that sent a bolt straight to my stomach. Even her eyes turned me on.
“You know you are. Don’t play cute. But seriously, thanks for telling me the truth.”
She leaned toward me, and I got a welcomed whiff of her flowery perfume over her natural scent. My briefs grew tighter, and I fought the urge to adjust myself. It was both frustrating and exhilarating to have her scent affect me like that.
She touched my thigh, lips parting in a soft smile.
I tensed, afraid she’d feel how her closeness was turning me on but also excited she was touching me again. I wouldn’t move away this time.
“I can put your mind at ease and say nothing you said will affect my decision if I were to give in and pick an alpha. Well, not in the negative. Truth works best with me. You seem really sweet, and I’m sorry that you went through all of that,” she said.
She moved her hand upward an inch, and I inhaled. What was happening? My story couldn’t possibly have turned her on.
She leaned in closer to me and then wrapped her arms around my waist, her chin resting on my shoulder. “I’m feeling weird again,” she sighed.
“Define weird,” I said in a low voice, although I knew exactly what she meant. She was perfuming like crazy, and her body was burning hot. I knew it wasn’t my story, and more so, her omega hormones going out of control. However, I didn’t want to take advantage of that.
“The same thing that happened to me on vacation. It seems to like popping up at inopportune times.”
Her breast smashed against my side. I could feel her hardened nipples through her light blouse, and it was driving me wild. I clutched a throw pillow tight enough to tear it. I would have to give her a new one. I wanted to push her down and take those buds into my mouth. I wanted to taste her skin. All of her. The thought of her blood on my lips sent me throbbing. I had to maintain control, but it was in no way easy.
I grasped her back, the heat of her skin warming the cool tips of my fingers. “I can help, if you feel comfortable.”
“I—I don’t know if I should.” She sounded unsure, her voice light and whispery.
