“You do not think that he would say something to Major Cunningham?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “I do not. I have had reasons not to like the man particularly well, but he is no villain. Kathy, why did you refuse me yesterday? Because you were frightened? Because you felt you were guilty of some villainy? Because you are an unmarried mother? Or because you do not want me?”
Tears welled in her eyes. “Perhaps for all except the last reason,” she said.
“I will ask you again then,” he said, “after this thing is settled.”
“Henry,” she said, “what are you going to do?”
“I am going to consult with Kendrick first,” he said. “But one thing I promise you, Kathy: Cunningham will not be frightening you again. I can wager Kendrick will say the same for Lady Emily Marlowe.”
“You will not—” She gripped the edges of his coat beneath his cloak. “I could not bear it if you were hurt.”
He kissed her for the first time in years. She clung even more tightly, pressing her lips hungrily back against his.
“Just one thing,” he said when he raised his head. “You will not be living at Penshurst. But you might start wondering if you might like to live at Willowdale Manor. And if you think Lady Verney a prettier name than Mrs. Smith. And if you think Eric Verney sounds like the name of a successful lawyer or businessman or clergyman.”
“Henry,” she said, “be careful. Oh, do be careful.”
•••
Luke,Ashley, and Major Cunningham took the children riding and amused them outdoors for an hour afterward. Anna stayed at home with Emily, conversing cheerfully as she sewed. Afterward the two of them went to the nursery to play with James and Harry. Luke was there too, helping Joy practice her penmanship, listening to George read aloud.
Emily let James ride her around the nursery like a horse. She sat beside Harry, making his face light up with merriment and his arms flap and his legs kick with excitement. She looked at Joy’s writing when it was brought to her and smiled her approval. With her one good hand she helped James build a castle with his wooden bricks.
They were to go home to Bowden tomorrow. If it had not been for the difficulty of organizing all the children and their baggage as well as their own, Anna had assured her, they would go today. But she would see to it that Emily was not left alone for a single minute. Tonight she would sleep in Emily’s room and when Harry needed her, she would simply have his nurse bring him from the nursery.
None of them mentioned the incident of Alice’s room, though Emily was sure Ashley must have told them. It was too embarrassing and too disturbing to think about. She must have been sleepwalking from the effects of the laudanum. But she had actuallylainon that bed. She had brought those portraits back to her own room. And then she had gone to Ashley’s. She could not remember going there. She could remember only being in his bed there this morning, warm and comfortable and safe, and unwilling to wake up. There was only one isolated memory of the night before. She could remember his making love to her.
It was hard this morning to smile, to watch people’s lips instead of withdrawing into her own very solitary silence, to give her energy and her cheerful attention to the children.
She hated feeling like this. Frightened, out of control, haunted. Guarded. She hated thinking of Anna and Luke as guards, robbing her of privacy and curtailing her freedom. She was afraid to be alone, afraid to go outside, afraid to run up the hill to the summerhouse. And yet she wanted to do all three. She resented her fear. And irrationally she resented the people who protected her from it. The very people she loved most in the world.
She hated the feeling.
And she hated the thought of going. And of Ashley’s leaving Penshurst for her sake. Had he been serious this morning when he had talked of selling it? He must not do so. Not for her sake. She must persuade him not to do anything so foolish. But he would never be willing to bring her back here. And she would probably always be afraid to come. If he did not sell, then...
She did not believe she was going to be able to live without him. She had thought so before. She had thought so when he left for India, and again over a month ago at Bowden. She had lived without him for seven years. She had lived without him for that month in London. Yes, she told herself firmly, she would be able to do it again. But the very thought threatened to pitch her into a black void of panic.
And then she laughed as the tall, thin tower she had been building for James finally collapsed—and looked up to find that Ashley was there. He snatched James up, tossed him toward the ceiling, and set him down on the floor again. He was smiling, but she could see weariness and tension in his face.
“I shall be with Emmy for the next half hour,” he was telling Luke. “I have to go out then—Verney has summoned me on some business that apparently cannot wait beyond today. But when I return, we will all go out for a drive. The children too. We will take food and drink with us and have our tea in the outdoors. Rod is belowstairs now, charming my housekeeper and my cook and arranging it all for me. We must enjoy your last day here.”
Emily took his offered arm and allowed him to lead her to the library, where he seated her in a soft leather chair and perched on the arm beside her. He took her good hand in his.
She felt embarrassed with him. What must he think of her having gone to Alice’s room last night? Of her having lain in Alice’s bed? Of her having taken Alice’s portrait to her room? What must he think of her for going to him in his room during the night? She raised her eyes to his.
She saw a deep tenderness there. “Somehow,” he said, “I am going to make all this up to you, Emmy. I am going to see you happy and at peace again. Perhaps I can atone for some of the great wrongs in my life if I can do this for you.”
She tried to smile at him.
“I am going to ask you a question,” he said. “One I have asked before. I will hope that this time the answer will be different. But I will not ask it yet. Not here. This has become an unhappy place for you—and therefore for me too. I am going to sell Penshurst, Emmy. I will buy another home and hope that it will be happier—for you as well as for me.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No, Ahshley.” She would have liked to say more so that he would understand.
He kissed the back of her hand. “Rod is going to purchase it,” he said. “We have already come to an agreement between ourselves. It needs only for our lawyers to arrange the actual business details. He seems genuinely happy at the prospect of living here. And ’twill make me happy to know that it will be owned by a friend.”
She did not understand all that he said, but the main point was clear. Despite her efforts, she still could not like Major Cunningham. She could not bear the thought of Ashley’s selling Penshurst to him of all people.
