She wondered what the future would be like now that there had been this between them. She wondered if it would be more or less bearable than the past seven years had been. But suddenly she knew she would be fooling herself if she imagined even for one moment that it would be more bearable. She knew him now with her body as well as her heart. She had loved him with her body. She had given herself with the whole of her being, but it was her body he had taken, coming inside her and using her as a woman.
She did not regret it. She knew that tomorrow and perhaps for the rest of her life she would bitterly regret many aspects of what had happened tonight. But she knew equally that she would never regret loving Ashley. With her body as well as with every other part of herself. She always had loved him. She always would.
Without even realizing that she was close to doing so, she slept.
•••
Shehad slept, he guessed, for well over an hour. Perhaps two. Deeply. As he might have expected Emmy to sleep, warm and relaxed and trusting.
But finally she stirred and looked at him and smiled—how could shesmilewhen she had been so misused tonight?—and moved away from him in order to sit up and pull on her shift and her dress. He adjusted his own clothing, shook out their cloaks, set hers about her shoulders and buttoned it at her throat, pulled his own about him, and led the way through the trees back to the house.
He considered sending her on ahead of him when they came to the open lawn and keeping an eye out for her safety—for hersafety!—but he rejected the idea. If they were seen together, what difference would it make now anyway? Tomorrow everything must change. He walked beside her, not touching her, not saying anything. He had not spoken a word since she woke up.
He took her to the door of her room and opened it for her. But there was not enough light for her to see his lips. He put his arms about her and set his lips to hers. Without passion. Merely a good-night embrace.
“Thank you, Emmy,” he said afterward, though he knew she could not hear him. “For what you tried to do and for what you did, thank you. Good night, little fawn.”
He took a step back and waited until she had closed the door between them.
He spent most of the rest of the night standing fully clothed at his window.
He had debauched Emmy.
Through all the darkness that had engulfed his life in the past three years, he had finally touched the very heart of darkness. He had taken sweet and bright innocence and destroyed it, pulling it into the darkness with him.
And perhaps she did not even know it yet.
Emmy!
•••
TheEarl of Royce had walked with his wife and child and some of his nieces and nephews out to the hill behind the house. Ashley was strolling alone on the terrace when they returned. He declined the children’s eager invitation to play, and Constance, throwing him a look of sympathetic apology, herded them into the house. Victor would have followed them after nodding amiably, but Ashley stopped him.
“I would have a word with you, Royce, if I might,” he said.
“Certainly. ’Twould be my pleasure,” Victor said, making to stroll along the terrace instead of accompanying his wife and the children indoors. He schooled his features to quiet sympathy.
“In greater privacy,” Ashley said. “Luke is out riding. The study will be unoccupied.”
“Certainly.” Victor looked somewhat surprised, but he followed Ashley willingly enough.
Ashley closed the door of the study behind them and half smiled as he stood against it. “This is going to come as something of a shock to you,” he said. “Especially in light of some of yesterday’s events. But I must ask you for Emmy’s hand.”
Victor, who had been in the process of seating himself, changed his mind. He stared blankly. “Emily,” he said. “Her hand?”
“In marriage.” Ashley clasped his hands behind him.
“In marriage.” The earl still looked blank. “She is already betrothed. To Powell.”
“But ’tis me she will marry,” Ashley said quietly. “She is of age. I do not need your permission except as a courtesy. But there is the matter of a marriage settlement. I am well able to give her the sort of life the daughter of an earl might expect.”
Victor appeared to be recovering himself. He frowned. “Emily isbetrothed,Kendrick,” he said. “The announcement was made yesterday. You were there. A betrothal is as binding as a marriage. Besides, you have been back at Bowden less than two days. You came a little too late for such maneuverings, did you not?”
His manner had become stiffer, more disapproving. It was hard to believe, Ashley thought, that Royce was younger than himself. The responsibilities of his position and family life had put dignity and the illusion of years on him.
“Her betrothal must be ended,” Ashley said. “She will marry me.”
“I am well aware,” Victor said, now sounding downright irritable, “that you have suffered a severe loss, Kendrick, that coming home and having to break your news has put great stress upon you in the past couple of days. But—”
