“Have you been tempted?” he asked.
“Yes,” she admitted. “Well, not tempted. But I have wondered what I would do if I had not so fully committed myself.”
“And did you decide?” he asked. He straightened up, a curious half smile on his lips.
“Yes,” she said. “I decided that I can only move forward in the conviction that I made the right decision. And that you did too.”
“You did.” He nodded slowly. “And I did. But I have interrupted you. Again. Are you still writing to the same person as you were yesterday?”
“Araminta Scott?” she said. “No, I finished that last evening. She is my closest friend, a neighbor from Kent. I have invited her to come to London for our wedding. I am writing now to Camille to invite her and Joel to come if they can gather their family together in time and have no other commitments they cannot break.” She remembered something suddenly. “Oh, I had a letter this morning from Sir Geoffrey Codaire.”
“Did you indeed?” He folded his arms and leaned against the side of the escritoire. He crossed one booted foot over the other. “An apology?”
“Yes,” she said. “A thorough and humble one. I found it a bit touching. He even admits that possessiveness and jealousy drove him on that evening and assures me he will cast them firmly and permanently aside if I will but forgive him and agree to resume our betrothal. He promises to do all in his power to restore my reputation, which he fears he may have tarnished quite unjustly.”
“May have?”He took the letter she was holding out toward him and glanced quickly through it.
“If he returned home,” she said, “I daresay he does not know just how badly my reputation has been tarnished.”
“You aretouchedby this?” he asked, replacing the letter on the desk and recrossing his arms.
Everyone made mistakes. No one was perfect. But not all people were prepared to say they were sorry, to beg forgiveness and ask for another chance. Not everyone was willing to commit to a change of behavior and attitude. “I feel badly for him,” she said
Then she remembered that he had accused her of driving Desmond to drink with her frivolous behavior.
“Are you afraid you have acted a bit impulsively?” Colin asked.
“By agreeing to marry you?” she said. “No, indeed. Even if I had not done so I would not go back to him. I do feel sorry, though, that he did something he now regrets but cannot reverse. He is not an evil man.” But there had been the spite as well as the jealousy. And apparently he had been saying derogatory things about her at White’s the morning after the ball. She really had never known him at all, had she? A disturbing thought when she had had such a long acquaintance with him.
“Do you believe,” Colin asked her, “that he would never be jealous again if he were given a second chance?”
“Fortunately,” she said, “I will never know.” But shedidknow. She closed her eyes suddenly and remembered Desmond and how time and again he had sworn to her that he would stop drinking, that he would never again abuse her either verbally or physically. People did not change so easily. “But I will write back, if you have no objection. I would rather there be no lasting hostility between us.”
“If I have no objection?”He stood looking down at her, frowning. “Listen to yourself, Elizabeth. If I had an objection, I would be no different from him. Has no man ever reallytrustedyou?”
“What does trust have to do with it?” she asked.
“If you were to write to him without my knowledge and I found out later,” he said, “would I wonder what you had said to him? What you had said about me? Would I think that if you had gone behind my back on that, you might do it with bigger things? Would I begin to be suspicious of you and spy on you and demand obedience and total disclosure? That would be no marriage, Elizabeth. There would be no trust there. You may write to Codaire or not. It is none of my business. It is yours. You do not ever need to ask me to whom you may write. Or with whom you may waltz. Or converse. Or laugh. You are going to be my wife, not my possession.”
He was angry, she could see. She reached out a hand to rub along one of his folded arms. “You make me understand why I said yes to you yesterday,” she said. “I shall write to him and accept his apology.”
He unfolded his arms and leaned down to kiss her briefly on the lips again.
“Tell me,” he said. “Do you plan to hide away until our wedding?”
“I do not believe I will be allowed to,” she said with a laugh. “Cousin Eugenia and Matilda are going to host an afternoon tea, as is Aunt Lilian. There is the suggestion of an evening at the theater with Anna and Avery and Wren and Alex. And possibly an evening at Vauxhall Gardens with Cousin Louise and Jessica and a party they will put together. There may be a soiree at Cousin Mildred and Thomas’s. There will doubtless be more ways devised for dragging me out to face a carefully selected audience. In the meanwhile I daresay I shall go shopping and looking over a gallery or two with whoever wishes to accompany me, preferably with someone who does not desperately believe that I needprotection.”
“I love to see your eyes twinkle,” he said. “You have lovely eyes, Elizabeth.”
“But only when they twinkle?” She could feel herself blushing.
“You need to do something far bolder than gazing at paintings in some gallery,” he said, “or taking tea with a group of matrons or sipping wine at a soiree. We need a ball to attend.”
“Oh, I think not,” she said hastily. “I do not feel too kindly about balls at the moment.”
“I seem to remember accepting an invitation to a certain ball,” he said. “For this evening, in fact. Given by the Ormsbridges. They married last summer after she had had a successful debut Season. There is no title in Ormsbridge’s family, but he is enormously wealthy and of impeccable lineage. He is also a good fellow and a friend of mine since our days at Oxford. It is generally agreed that Mrs. Ormsbridge did brilliantly well for herself. It is his private opinion that he did even better for himself. They have organized a lavish ball, I understand, to show the world just how well they both did. I danced with the lady a few times last year and found her delightful and charming. Did you accept your invitation? I daresay you received one. Everyone did.”
“Colin,” she said, “you cannot possibly be suggesting that we attend it.Tonight?”
