“Ours?” She stared blankly at him. “Yours and mine?”
“Yes,” he said. “It is the only way, Elizabeth. You must see that. Only by marrying me can you put an end to the lies and the gossip. Only by marrying you can I protect you as I ought.”
She frowned. “I do not need the protection of any man,” she told him.
“I know,” he said. “But I feel the need to offer you the protection of my name. And only by marrying you can I avoid the matrimonial traps my mother will keep on setting until I have married the woman of her choice and been brought firmly into the web of her influence. If I marry you, I will be free of her and break the pattern of a lifetime. I have evaded it for eight years, but this is the only way I can truly escape it.”
He gazed at her eagerly and anxiously. He wanted to marry her so he could free her from his mother’s spite and so he could free himself from her determination to choose a wife for him and dominate his life.
He was afraid, she realized. And she could rescue him. They could rescue each other. Oh, it wasnota good basis for marriage. Not on either of their parts.
There had been no mention of fondness or love.
But she knew hewasfond of her. And she, God help her, was far more than just fond of him. She could not do it, though. Could she?
She needed tothink. But she had thought and thought about her decision to marry Geoffrey. She had thought about it for months. And where had thinking got her?
“I have brought that look to your face again,” he said softly. “You are looking stricken, Elizabeth. Do you reallyreallynot want to marry me? Because of my youth? My immaturity?My mother?”
“Oh, Colin,” she said, and she had to blink her eyes so that she could see him clearly.
He released her hands in order to fold her in his arms, crushing her against him as he did so and holding her head against his shoulder, her face turned in toward his neck.
“I cannotbearwhat you are being made to suffer,” he said, his breath warm against the side of her face. “I cannot bear that it is all on account of me. It makes me seem no better than Codaire. Forgive me, Elizabeth. Please forgive me.”
“Colin,” she said against his neck. “Oh, do not do this to yourself. There is nothing to forgive. You do not have to sacrifice the rest of your life as an apology to me.”
“Is that what you think?” He took her by the shoulders and held her a little away from him. “That I see you as some sort of broken thing that can be mended only if I marry you? I do not know if you were broken for a while during your marriage to Overfield and after you had left him. I suspect you were. But you did what was incredible and mended yourself, and now you can be buffeted from all sides and made to suffer, but you cannot be broken. That has been evident in the past few days. And now you will continue to insist upon standing alone against all the fury and spite of my mother just because you do not want to be seen to lean on me in any way. I admire and honor you more than I can ever put into words. But I want to stand beside you. Not in front of you to shield you, despite what I may have implied a few minutes ago. I want to bebesideyou, Elizabeth.”
She could feel his pain as an aura about him that engulfed her. She knew he cared. She knew he respected her as a person who could stand alone if she must. She knew…
Oh, she knew she could trust him.
But…
“Elizabeth,” he said, and his eyes looked very blue as they gazed into hers from mere inches away, “willyou marry me? Not for any other reason than that you want to? As I want to marry you?”
And he had spoken just the words that brought all her defenses crumbling down.
…for no other reason than that you want to. As I want to…
“Yes, then,” she said, and watched his eyes brighten with tears.
“Thank you.” She saw his lips form the words as his hands tightened on her shoulders but heard no sound.
God help her, what had she done?
“Yes,” she said again. “I will marry you, Colin. Because I want to.”
Sixteen
This felt all too familiar, Elizabeth thought a few minutes later as she stood outside the drawing room door, wondering if she should go in or escape to her room. She needed time to think. Or just to be cowardly. It was too late to think, if bythinkingshe meant reasoning out some question so she could come to a sensible decision. Far too late. And there was no point in hoping that Wren and Alex and her mother were up in the nursery with Nathan. She could hear voices from within. How many of them had come? The whole family? Were they not tired of trying to deal with her problems?
Anna and Avery were there, and Cousin Louise and Jessica. They must have all come together. And Josephine was there too, sitting on Wren’s lap, playing with her necklace.
“Elizabeth!” Anna exclaimed, coming toward her with open arms. “We came to cheer you up if it can be done and to assure you that it is all nonsense. All of it. I cannotbelievewhat is happening. You of all people. You are kindness itself and all that I aspire to be as a lady.” She hugged Elizabeth and shed a few tears.
“A marvelous job you are doing of cheering her up, my love,” Avery observed. “We brought Josephine with us, Elizabeth, so that you could bounce her on your knee and forget all your woes.”
