“And would you be disappointed?” he asked.
Would she? She did not know what other prospects she might have. One of the other gentlemen who had shown some interest last year seemed to have lost it this year. He was here tonight and had not come near her. The others were not here at all and might not even be in town. Besides, none of them had entered into anything that might honestly be described as a courtship.
“He is a worthy gentleman,” she said.
“And worthiness matters to you,” he said. It was not a question.
“Yes, of course,” she said. “It is of primary concern, in fact. If I remarry at all, it must be to someone I can trust.”
“Trust to do what?” he asked, leaning back so that a servant could pour their tea.
Elizabeth waited until the man had moved on to the next table. “To remain worthy for the rest of our lives,” she said. “I cannot be more specific than that, I am afraid.”
“You want your life to be predictable, then,” he said.
“Yes, I do.” She sighed. “It sounds dreadfully dull, does it not? “But dull predictability has its attractions, Colin, when one is thirty-five years old and has experienced all the perils of unpredictability. I would know what I was getting into with Sir Geoffrey and what to expect.”
“You do not want any laughter?” he asked her. “Or any joy?”
“Does worthiness preclude them?” she asked. Though she could not actually imagine laughing with Sir Geoffrey. Or feeling joyful with him.
“You were made for joy, Elizabeth,” Colin said. “Remember Christmas?”
She remembered it all too well. It stood apart from everything else in her life for years past—perhaps ever.
“Not every day can be Christmas,” she said.
“Perhaps it ought to be,” he said, and she thought wistfully of snowball fights and sled runs and kisses in the snow.
“What of you?” she asked. “You have danced every set so far this evening, each time with a different partner. Have you met anyone else in addition to Miss Dunmore in whom you feel any particular interest?”
“I have enjoyed dancing with them all,” he said, “though with you most of all. I have not felt Cupid’s arrow penetrate my heart, if that is what you mean, not even over Miss Dunmore. The only time I looked across the ballroom and found myself gazing transfixed upon a special someone, she was you.”
His eyes were smiling, and Elizabeth laughed. It was a lame joke. Even so, she felt sad, for the same thing had happened to her when she spotted him in the receiving line and realized he had come after all. As though his attendance was all on account of her and his promise to waltz with her. As though she had come here for no other reason.
She was supposed to be thinking of Sir Geoffrey tonight and of her future. She was supposed to be thinking of security and trust and good sense, not lamenting that she had been born fifteen years too soon.
“What qualities are you looking for?” she asked. “Beauty and sweetness of character?”
“More strength of character, I suppose,” he said. “Being my wife will not be easy.”
“You plan to be a bad-tempered tyrant, then?” she asked.
“I hope not,” he said. “No, what I meant was that being my baroness will not be easy. Not under the circumstances.”
The circumstances being his mother, she supposed, and the fact that he had not yet really taken up his inheritance and put the stamp of his own character upon it.
“I have not even been to Roxingley in eight years,” he said. “My mother lives there.”
Yes. The girl he chose as his bride would have a difficult time of it. She would need great strength of character. She was not to be envied—except in her bridegroom.
“Elizabeth.” He leaned forward slightly across the table, the smile gone from his eyes. “Tell me how I am to find a woman just like you.”
Her heart turned over. Her stomach too. His eyes, gazing into hers, were as earnest as she had ever seen them. She set down her cup in its saucer, careful not to rattle it. She was thankful she had not drunk much or eaten anything.
“Well, let me see,” she said. “For one thing, there is no onejust likeme. There is only me.” What did he see when he looked at her? A mature woman who had all of life’s answers? “For another, I have years of experience of life that the young ladies among whom you are seeking a bride cannot be expected to have. They will learn, however. None of us can escape the ups and downs of life, and we all gain far more from experience than from any advice we hear from loved ones or read from any book.”
He gazed at her for long moments before saying anything.
