"And yet," she said, "Mr. Peabody, who is undoubtedly a worthy gentleman, tried to forcehimselfupon me a short while ago. You have not done so even though we are very much alone here."
"Remiss of me," he said, returning his one foot to the ground and stretching out a hand for hers. "Come, then, let me not ruin my reputation, Diana. Let it not be said that I had a lovely lady alone in the woods and brought her out again unkissed."
Diana supposed she must have lifted her own hand and put it in his. He certainly had not grabbed it from her side.
She supposed she must have taken the two short steps toward him since he had not jerked on her arm. And she supposed she had raised her face to his since he had not lifted her chin. He was leaning back against the tree. She must have put herself against him even before his arms came around her and held her there.
But it was an embrace quite different from any other she had shared with him. Although his mouth was open over hers, and though his arms held her close, one directly beneath her own arms, which had found their way about his neck, and one below her waist, he did nothing to arouse her further. And though she could feel his body with every part of her own and had one arm about his broad shoulders and one hand twined in his thick dark hair, and though her own mouth had come open to his, she felt no uncontrollable physical passion.
Only something far, far worse.Only a deep feeling of affection.Only a craving to get behind his" mask—because he assuredly did wear one, however much he denied doing so.Only a longing to know the man as he was and to find that after all he was likable and lovable.Only a need to deny reality and find her fantasy lover again.
She drew back her head, looked into his intensely blue eyes, which gazed back mockingly—though whether they mocked her or himself she could not tell—and dipped her forehead against his neckcloth.
"It is a shame that nature is uncooperative," he said, his hand reaching beneath her chin to pull loose the ribbons of -her bonnet and to drop the garment to the grass. "The ground is hard and uneven with tree roots. It is not evenautumnso that we could have a bed of soft leaves. Alas, it seems that for today at least I must be satisfied with a standing kiss.''
"You don't even wish for more," she said, looking up at him and frowning. "You are saying what you think I expect to hear."
"Diana." She could still not fathom the direction of his mockery—inward or outward. ''You cannot make a romantic lover of me, my dear.Or a noble character.I want you. In bed, do you understand? And I mean to doEverythingin my power during the next two weeks to have you there.Nothing else.No romance."
"If you wish to succeed," she said, searching his eyes but finding no clue there, "you go about it in a strange way. You deliberately try to give me a disgust of you. It seems almost as if you want me to reject you.As if you wish to be saved from yourself."
One corner of his mouth lifted. "If you knew just how much morebasemy designs are even than I have admitted to," he said, "you would pack your trunks and leave here today, Diana."
And then he grinned, and Diana lowered her hands to his shoulders.
"Now," he said. He put a hand firmly against one side of her face and turned her head, drawing it to rest below his shoulder. "I have bared my 'soul to you and admitted to a fondness for my family and my property and people. It is your turn. What do you want of life, Diana Ingram?"
She closed her eyes. "I want to marry again," she said after a short silence."Eventually.To someone I can love with my whole being. To someone who will make the universe explode aroundme."
She waited to hear his laughter, to feel it beneath her ear. But there was none.
"Was your marriage to Teddy not good?" he asked quietly. His fingers were stroking through her hair at the side of her head.
"Yes, it was very good." She turned her head slightly so that her cheek was against his lapel. She breathed in the smell of him and wondered what on earth they were doing holding a conversation thus.She and the Marquess of Kenwood."I loved him dearly. He was very kind to me. For months after his death I did not know how I was to live on. And it was so unnecessary. He would not stop pushing himself after he caught the first chill, even though the weather was particularly inclement. And he never did have a strong constitution—he was very ill for a whole year as a child. I still miss him. There isa lonelinessand an emptiness where he was."
He did not say anything for a while, but continued to hold her within the circle of his arms and smooth his hand across the side of her head. She felt him swallow. "But he did not make the universe explode," he said.
"No."
"Well, if he did not," he said, "and if you have had no lover, who the deuce did you think I was, then, Diana?" His arms tightened when she would have broken away.
"I did not think you were anyone," she cried.
He lowered his head to look into her flushed face. His own was amused. ''I believe you speak the truth,'' he said. "You were drugged and you were dreaming. Was I the one who was to make it explode for you, Diana? I think it might well have happened, you know. But such is only a momentary sensation, the result of a particularly good sexual experience, not a lifelong state. There is no such thing as the love you are looking for. It is only in your dreams."
"If that is so," she said—she did not know what her free arm was doing about his neck again, holding his face close to her own—"then I think I would prefer my dreams to your reality, Jack."
His eyes flickered at her unintentional use of his name. "But in the meantime," he said, "there is the loneliness and the emptiness to be dealt with."
His lips touched hers again, but she drew back. "Do you mean mine or your own?" she asked.
His eyes gazed into hers for a long moment before he lifted his head. "Touché Diana," he said, the amusement back. "That would be telling, my dear. I fear that this romantic atmosphere is going to be severely marred soon by the rumblings of my stomach. And if circumstances do not allow us to satisfy one of our appetites, we might as well wander back to the river and satisfy another. Agreed?"
He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at her in some amusement when she pushed away from him, brushed at the creases in her light muslin dress, and stooped down to retrieve her bonnet.
"Agreed," she said briskly. "I think the hour my mother-in-law spoke of must be almost over."
He held out an arm to her and bowed elegantly. "And I believe we have put it to admirable use," he said. "The countess would be proud of us if she knew. Though I am sure she will guess when she sees us emerge from the greenery looking flushed and pleased with ourselves."
