"Do you understand that if you had remained I could not have stayed away from you?" he asked. "That sooner or later I would have been touching you again, molesting you as I did in the music room? And you were betrothed to my closestfriend,I could not live with myself or the temptation, Jane. I had to send you away."
"I was leaving anyway," Jane said. "Honor and I were going to return to London by the mail coach."
"Yes," he said, "I know that now. And that troubles me, Jane, and has me standing here, in fear and uncertainty. Why did you break off your betrothal? Why did you do so and not tell me? And plan to leave my home the following day?"
Jane was looking at her hands again. "I love Joseph," she said. "I mean, I love him as a dear friend. I could not marry him because I could not offer him a whole or anunbruisedheart. It would not have been fair to him to trap him into such a bond."
"And where is the part of your heart that is not yours?" he asked quietly. "Who has bruised your heart, Jane?"
She shook her head and said nothing.
He took a few steps farther into the room. "Until a few weeks ago, I had a great deal of confidence with women," he said. "Is it conceited of me to say that I know I have been blessed with more than my fair share of good looks? When I was younger I don't believe I ever thought consciously about the fact that I could attract any woman I wanted. But the few times I put the matter to the test, it always proved true. You did me a great deal of good, Jane. You set me completely on my ear when you refused me. I could not believe it was true. I had not realized that I was so arrogant. But you were quite right. I was. Now you have made me into a tongue-tied boy, and I am not sure that that is so good."
"I believe I was wrong on that occasion," Jane said quickly and breathlessly. "I have seen since then just how very selfless you are in your love for your children. You had every right to ask whomever you wished as a second mother for them. And you were quite honest with me. You told me your reason for choosing me. I was the selfish one, wanting to be appreciated as a person. I can see now that your daughters mean more to you than even your own happiness."
"I am not sure that you are right, Jane," he said. "If the children had chosen a woman different from the one I have chosen, I am not sure I would give up my choice in order to secure theirs. I am not sure at all. My children love you and want you as a mother. I love you and want you as a wife. I do not have to make the choice between them and my own happiness."
"Oh!" Jane looked up into his eyes, her own bright with unshed tears.
"You saw fit to deny my suit a month ago," he said. "I would not harass you now. Tell me if the turn this conversation is taking is repugnant to you, Jane. If it is, I shall stop immediately and go out to find Sedge. We will return to Templeton Hall and you will never be troubled by me again."
He looked at her in anxious inquiry.
"I love you," Jane almost whispered. "I always have."
"Always?"
"Five years ago," she said, "when you courted your first wife, I loved you terribly.And spent the years between persuading myself that it was merely infatuation.It probably was, but it revived immediately when I saw you again this year."
"Jane," he said, his eyes puzzled as they gazed into hers. "Why? Why did you say no to me? And why yes to Sedge?"
"It is easy to agree to marry when there is love on neither side," she said. "Joseph and I like and respect each other. I could not marry you knowing that to you I was a mere convenience, a new mother for your children. Not when I loved you so. And when I knew you had felt that kind of love for your first wife."
He came closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He laid his forehead against hers. "Jane," he said. "I was blind.Very, very blind.I think I must have loved you even when I first offered for you. I must have. I abhor the thought of being married to someone I do not love. I think perhaps I fell in love with you at the library that day. Do you remember? When you became so indignant at poor Pamela for marrying Mr. B.? You were so serious, just as if they were real people who had just ruined their lives. But I would not admit the truth. I was so afraid of falling in love."
Her hands were smoothing the intricate folds of hisneckcloth.
"I fell in love with Susan," he said."Deeply, head over heels in love.And then when it was too late, we both discovered that we did not really love at all and that we did not even have enough in common to make us friends. I do not blame Susan. Poor girl! For four years she lived a life that she hated, and she died a dreadful death, for which I shall always feel in large measure responsible. But I did not love her, Jane. I was very unhappy for three of those years. And so I was afraid of falling in love with you. But the reverse happened this time. When it was too late, when you were betrothed to Sedge, then I discovered that I loved you. I do love you, my dear. I am not justinlove with you, though I must confess that I am that too."
"Michael," she said, and swallowed hard, "is it true? Can it possibly be true?"
He turned his head so that his lips met hers, raised his head, and looked deeply into her eyes. He smiled.
"I want to kiss you and kiss you until we both have no breath left," he said. "But first I want to hear your answer, Jane. Will you marry me, love? I will be deeply honored, believe me. I cannot promise you a life of great excitement, but I can promise that you will be deeply loved by three people.And by me most of all.Will you, Jane?"
"The children?" she asked. "Will they accept me, Michael? Amy is terrified of having a new mother, you know. She is afraid that a mother will not love her."
"I went to them," he said, "before setting off in pursuit of you. I wanted to be sure that they would be glad if I brought you back in order to marry you, though I was almost sure that they would be. I left Amy jumping up and down in her excitement and telling Claire that Mama was coming home."
The tears finally spilled over from Jane's eyes. "And Claire?" she asked.
"Claire merely sucked her thumb and asked me if Mama was coming home," he said. "We really must break her of that habit, you know, Jane. She is two years old already."
Jane giggled suddenly and brushed at her tears with the backs of her hands. "I suppose I had better say yes," she said, "or I might be dooming Claire to sucking her thumb until she is twenty."
"Yes, Jane?"
"Yes," she said. "Oh yes, Michael. I want to marry you more than anything else in the world." She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.
