The child smiled broadly and put a thumb in her mouth. "Yes," she said, and continued to smile.
"Papa."Amy reached for him, and he hugged her against him. "Aunt Jane will not stop loving me if she is my mama. Will she?"
"I think Aunt Jane will always love you, poppet," he said."Even if she never sees you again."
"That is what she said," Amy said doubtfully. "And Aunt Jane says I am not ugly. She says I am handsome and that is better than being pretty. And she likes me being a girl."
Fairfax understood in a flash all the fears and doubts that had made his daughter a sullen and withdrawn child for so much of her life. And she could only have learned to see herself as ugly and worthlessly female through the eyes of Susan. He held the child away from him and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Perhaps Aunt Jane will not come back with me," he said. "I don't want you to set your heart on seeing her again, Amy. But if she does not come, it will be something to do with me and nothing to do with you. She loves you and Claire. And if she becomes your mama, she will only grow to love you more. Do you believe that, poppet?"
"Oh," Amy said almost in a wail, jumping up and down suddenly. "Go and fetch her, Papa, or she will have gone too far and you will never catch her. Claire, Aunt Jane is coming back. Aunt Jane is coming back. And she is going to be our mama. Mama is coming back, Claire. I am going to paint a picture for Mama for when she comes home. I am going to paint her jumping into the lake."
"Mama?"Claire said, looking wide-eyed up at Fairfax."Mama coming home?"
When Fairfax left the room, not sure if he had done more harm than good by his impetuous visit, Amy was already pulling off her cloak and bonnet and carrying her paints across to the table. Claire, thumb in mouth, was watching her.
The coachman had been given instructions to change horses at the Red Lion Inn. And Honor was hungry, the luncheon hour being already past. But it seemed a tedious delay to Jane to have to stop there and avail themselves of the private parlor the servants had been instructed to hire for them. The very thought of food was enough to nauseate her. She wanted now to be back in London, to send away the coach that was her final link to Fairfax, and to start living her life again.
It was foolish to think that life held nothing else for her. It was going to take a long time to recover from the emotional upheaval of the past few weeks, but recover she would. She wanted the healing to begin, but it would not begin as long as there was one thread connecting her life with Fairfax'.
"Tell me, Jane," Honor said, having ordered a large luncheon to be sent to the parlor, "do you have any regrets about Mr.Sedgeworth?About leaving Templeton Hall?And the children?"
"Yes to all three," Jane said briskly, removing her bonnet and setting it down on the window seat. "But not about anything I have done. I could not have made Joseph happy. Better to make him perhaps a little unhappy now rather than to see him wretched for the rest of his life."
"Do you think he will marry anyone else, Jane?" her cousin prodded. "And would you be hurt if he did?"
"No, I think not," Jane said. "In fact, I believe I would be delighted if he did marry. Only I would worry that perhaps he had married someone who was not worthy of him. And I should never know for sure because I will not write to him, you see, or allow him to write to me after he marries."
"And what sort of a wife would you consider worthy of him?" Honor asked.
"Oh, let me see." Jane sat down at the table and rested her elbows on it. She set her chin on her clasped hands."Someone very quiet and sensible.And intelligent.And someone who would not mind having no fixed home for most of each year. And someone who did not crave children."
"I think he would be dreadfully dull with such a female," Honor said. "I think he needs someone who will tease him out of his quiet, rather unsociable ways.Someone who will lead him a merry dance, perhaps."
"Poor Joseph!"Jane said with feeling. "He would hate that."
Honor looked rather smug, but since a tea tray was brought in just at that moment, Jane did not notice.
"I still think it a great shame that one of us did not win that wager you refused to enter into," Honor said. "Imagine our letting a perfectly gorgeous gentleman like Viscount Fairfax escape both of us, Jane. We should be ashamed to raise our heads in public."
"I thought you had decided he was far too dull for your tastes," Jane said.
"Yes, but handsome, Jane," Honor sighed. "He would not be too dull for you, of course. You like the sort of life he leads. I really think it was poor-spirited of you not to try at least to fix his interest. I would quite willingly have renounced my claim on him to you, you know, once I realized that he was not for me." She spoke gaily. She watched carefully.
"Well," Jane said with a smile, "our chances are over, Honor. I am afraid we will both have to settle for lesser mortals. Quite frankly, I am perfectly happy to know that I shall never see Viscount Fairfax again. He is just too handsome for a woman's peace of mind, is he not?"
"Oh, Jane," Honor said rather crossly. "When shall I ever get anything but calm good sense out of you? I do believe my dinner is here.And about time too.I am starved."
She turned expectantly to the door, on which a brief knock had sounded. "Do come in," she called.
The next moment Jane had scrambled to her feet and made for the window almost as if she had every intention of casting herself through the panes into thestableyardbelow. Very calm and sensible behavior, Honor thought as she stared openmouthed at Viscount Fairfax standing in the doorway and JosephSedgeworthin the hallway behind him.
Chapter Seventeen
"My lord!"Honor exclaimed."Mr. Sedge worth."Fairfax came further inside the room, though he still held to the handle of the door.Sedgeworthwalked past him into the room and smiled at Honor. He looked somewhat uneasily at Jane's back.
"Miss Jamieson," he said, "would you care to walk out with me for a short while? The afternoon is really quite pleasant and the village picturesque."
