"And about the French lessons you give Sir Humphrey's children?" her mother added.
"Gracious, no," Honor said. "He would have thought me decidedly dull."
Jane had finally excused herself, claiming fatigue after a busy day. And she was sitting up in bed now, convinced that she would not sleep all night. She still felt as if she were in the middle of a dream. Surely it could not be real that Viscount Fairfax had asked her to be his wife. At any moment now she would wake up and laugh at her own absurdity in dreaming such a thing.
But it was real. He had asked her. And she had given no answer! That was the most surprising fact of all. She had stared dumbly at him at first and then agreed that she needed time to think. She had not thrown herself at his feet and poured out her undying gratitude. It was amazing. She could be Jane Templeton,ViscountessFairfax. Her wildest dreams could come true with one word from her. And she had not said anything. She had asked for more time.
Why?
Even if she did not love Lord Fairfax, he had everything to offer that she had looked for. He was well able to take care of her. He was amiable and interesting. He had a home to which he was attached and children whom he loved. She would surely be able to build a life of contentment out of such ingredients. And in this particular case there was the added attraction of the fact that she loved him.
But that was also the main problem. How could she love so deeply and yet enter into such a marriage? He did not pretend to have any regard for her. He merely wanted someone to manage his home and be a mother to his daughters. He had chosen her because she was a woman of sense. He had said as much. If she tried to look at the matter objectively, she had to admit that he had probably chosen with some care. She had neither great beauty nor popularity. She had admitted that she liked children. And he knew that she enjoyed activities that could be carried on in the country as well as in town: reading, playing the pianoforte,sewing. He had seen today that she would willingly take upon herself the organization of social functions. She must seem the ideal wife.
It hurt. That was absurd, of course. She had never looked to arouse any feelings beyond indifference in Viscount Fairfax. How could she be hurt that he offered her marriage without love? Perhaps it was his assumption that she did not desire love that hurt. Did she seem such a very dull person that love and passion were unnecessary to her? It had sounded like a business proposition that he had made to her.
She had not expected anything more of marriage, of course. Would she be equally hurt if another man offered her marriage under similar terms? Had Mr.Fafordsaid anything about love or personal regard? He had said that he thought they would suit. That was all. And she had not been hurt, had she? She had not even thought of being so.
How would she answer when she next saw the viscount? Could she possibly say no? What was the alternative to marrying him? She would go home to Yorkshire within a few weeks and never see him ever again. Could she bear it? When she could be married to him, living in the same home as he, building a companionship with him, learning the intimacies of marriage with him, having his children? There really was no choice, was there? She could not possibly say no. She would regret her decision all her life.
His children.Of course, that must be another reason for his marriage, although it was too delicate a topic for him to have mentioned. He wanted an heir. He clearly loved his daughters, but he must have desperately wanted a son when he was married. The first Lady Fairfax had died in childbed when the younger daughter was only a year old.Poor lady.Much as he had loved her, Fairfax must have considered her a failure in that one respect. And was she now to become the bearer of his children until there was a son? It was in some ways an exciting thought. By this time next year she could be a mother, the mother of Lord Fairfax's child! But it was also a demeaning thought. While shewas lovinghim, he would be using her merely for her reproductive functions.
Jane sighed. Her brain felt hopelessly addled. She might sit here all night long thinking, but she knew that when it came to the point she would be no more ready to give a wise answer. And since a wise choice was not to be made, she knew she would choose according to her inclinations. She would accept him. And then she would have to face Honor's terrible disappointment and humiliation. In fact, she would have to face a great deal of public reaction. Since his return to town, the viscount had quickly been accepted as the most eligible gentleman of the Season. She would be considered the most fortunate female in London.
She wished he had not come. She might now be contentedly betrothed to Mr.Faford, with no thoughts of love to tease her mind. Or she might be enjoying a friendship with Mr.Sedgeworth. But of course, he would not be here if Fairfax was not. She liked him a good deal. She had thoroughly enjoyed her walk with him that afternoon. Those two gentlemen were very well suited as friends, in fact. They had a great deal in common. She had talked easily with Mr.Sedgeworthon a wide range of topics. But she had been comfortable with him, without that physical awareness that intruded on the few conversations she had had with Fairfax.
If only she had met Mr.Sedgeworthwithout his friend, she might have entertained hopes of winning his regard. Now, of course, that was out of the question. Why was it that two men could be so similar in many ways and yet arouse such vastly different feelings in her?
Jane slid down in bed finally and pulled the bedcovers up under her arms. When would she see Lord Fairfax next?shewondered. Jane Templeton. She could be his wife. She probably would be. No, she could not believe it was true. She would not even think of it anymore for this night.
She resolutely closed her eyes.
Michael, she thought. Michael. She tested the name by whispering it to the moonlit room.
JosephSedgeworthpropped one foot against the empty carriage seat opposite and settled comfortably into the corner. He grinned at his companion.
"It was to be Parker's card party tonight," he said. "Why the sudden change of heart, I wonder? Why is it so important to attend the theater tonight, Fairfax?"
"I told you, Sedge," his friend said evenly, "I like Shakespeare. I did not know until today thatAs YouLikeItwas being performed tonight. There is always a card party to attend."
"Our going to the theater could not possibly have anything to do with the fact that Miss Jamieson will be there, I suppose?"Sedgeworthasked,amused eyes on his companion.
Fairfax shrugged. "We do not even know for sure that she will be there," he said. "Miss Crawley said this afternoon merely that she had been invited to join Sir Alfred Jamieson's party to the theater tonight. If you will not believe that I go to see the play, my friend, then you may believe what you will. I could turn the tables, you know, Sedge, and point out that you put up no objection to the change of plan. Could that have anything to do with the fact that Miss Crawley will be one of theparty?"
"Spare me,"Sedgeworthsaid with some feeling. "The chit hangs around me only because doing so brings her nearer to you. She is suffering from a severe case of hero worship, I would guess."
"I think it is quite hopeless to try to get you married off, is it not, Sedge?" Fairfax said good-naturedly, leaning forward in his seat as the carriage drew to a halt outside the theater.
His mother's box was at quite the opposite side of the theater from that of Lord Jamieson, Fairfax discovered as he seated himself and looked around him. The other box was already occupied by several people. Sir Alfred and Lady Jamieson were there with both their daughter and their niece. Miss Crawley was indeed one of theparty, as were three of those young puppies who followed Miss Jamieson around almost wherever she went.
He raised his hand to acknowledge the bright smile and wave that Miss Jamieson had just given him. She looked dazzling as usual in sapphire blue. She must have said something to the other occupants of the box. Several of them turned toward his box, among them Miss Matthews, who looked her usual calm, rather pretty self in midnight blue. He inclined his head, keeping his eyes on her the while. He was feeling more and more that he had made a wise choice. There was something quite distinguished about Miss Matthews when one took the time to look closely.
It wasSedgeworthwho suggested at the interval that they pay their respects to the ladies in Lord Jamieson's box. Honor was closest to the door and stood up when the visitors entered. She curtsied and fanned herself vigorously.
"Is the play not marvelous?" she asked the two gentlemen, her eyes sparkling. She added quickly, "Though Papa had to explain to me at first what was happening. The language sounded so strange, almost as if it were not English at all. I suppose I should have paid my governess more mind when I was younger."
"Pretty heads ought not to be addled with such stuff," Ambrose Leighton assured her. He had risen too.
Honor smiled at him and then turned large eyes on Fairfax. "If it were not so very hot in here," she said, "I should be enjoying the performance a great deal more."
