They had drawn shakily apart after several minutes, though he still held her within the loose circle of his arms.
“Oh, God, Becky, I want you,” he said shakily. “I must get you back home quickly, love. It is dangerous tobe alone like this.”
She had looked at him blankly, not quite comprehending his meaning. She was in love, and it had been her first realkiss. It had been enough in itself. At that early point intheir courtship she had not felt any urgent need of anythingelse. It was only later that she realized that his ownreaction indicated that he had had other women before her.
That night had been the beginning of an idyllic few months. They had already been friends. Now they werealso deeply in love. And he talked of marriage almost fromthe start. He did not know how he would support her. Hisparents were not wealthy. In fact, they had made greatsacrifices just to send him to university. And they hadthree other children, all considerably younger than he. Hetalked frequently about becoming a physician. It was notan occupation that would bring him great wealth or prestige, and some would consider it beneath the dignity of agentleman, but it would suit his wish to serve humanity.He had been very idealistic in those days, and Rebecca hadloved him all the more.
They had not announced their betrothal or even spoken to their families of their plans, though everyone must havesuspected that they had an understanding. They did littleenough to hide their love for each other. But Christopherhad promised to spend Christmas with an old friend fromuniversity. It was his chance to see something of Londonand to make a final decision about his future. When hecame home again, he told her, they would announce theirbetrothal and plan for a wedding in the summer.
He had been gone for longer than she expected. And it had been an uneasy time for her. At first his letters camefrequently and were full of satisfying ardor. But after awhile they came more sporadically and finally stoppedaltogether. At the same time the Sinclairs themselves seemedto change. They stayed at home and kept to themselvesmore. When they were seen, Mr. Sinclair, usually soplacid, looked grim, and his wife looked as if she weptfrequently. Later Rebecca concluded that they must haveknown before she did.
Christopher came home in March. She had been given no notice of his coming. He called at the parsonage on aparticularly raw and gray morning and asked her to walkinto the churchyard with him. There he came straight tothe point. He was betrothed to a lady from London. Theywere to be married the following week. He was sorry forany misunderstanding there had been between him andRebecca. He felt that he owed her an explanation in person. But he was to leave again for London that same day.He wished her well.
Rebecca had not said a word until he turned and began to stride away.
“Christopher,” she called then, her mouth and whole face feeling numb. “Why?”
He smiled then, an unpleasant expression, approaching a sneer. “She is wealthy, Becky,” he said. “Her father isloaded with money.”
“I do not understand, ” Rebecca said. “Since when has money mattered to you?”
The unpleasant smile still twisted his mouth. “Since I met Angela,” he said. “Good-bye, Becky. I shall nevercome back here. You need not fear that you will ever haveto face your faithless lover again.”
Rebecca was stumbling now in her haste to cross the pasture and reach the safety of the house. Safety fromwhat? From the memories? She had put those in their placelong ago. And she would again. It could make no possibledifference that he had broken his promise and come backagain. He was a stranger to her now. And if she was tobelieve what Mr. Bartlett said of him, she had been wellrid of him. He would not have been the husband that shehad expected him to be.
She must not let him ruin the tranquillity of her life again. She would not let him do so!
Chapter 4
For six days following that unexpected encounter with Christopher on the road home Rebecca avoided any closecontact with him. She did see him at church on the following Sunday but succeeded in leaving at the end of theservice without coming face-to-face with him. He and Mr.Carver were standing on the steps talking to Philip whenshe left, and she walked behind them down the steps to heruncle’s closed carriage, for which she was unusually thankful. It had meant avoiding any greeting with Philip, anomission that he commented upon the next day, but shecould not have faced speaking to him and seeing Christopher too turn toward her. He had looked disconcertinglysolid and real standing with her betrothed, not quite as tallas Philip, but broader and more athletically built. She hadturned her mind from the comparison.
She heard about him almost constantly, of course. The Sinclair sisters had brought him and Mr. Carver to Limegladethe day after their arrival, and Harriet and Uncle Humphrey had sung their praises for the rest of that day and allof the next. Mr. Sinclair was pronounced to be even morehandsome and charming than he had been during their stayin London. Mr. Carver was judged a very genteel kind ofman with manners that could not be faulted and a fashionable air. Lady Holmes, too, seemed pleased by the visitand talked with some pleasure about the dinner party thatHarriet had planned and that she had approved.
Rebecca had not invited Mr. Bartlett’s impressions of the visit. Indeed, she felt quite sorry that he had seen fit toconfide in her on that previous occasion, though she knewhe had done so not out of any malice, but out of concernfor the safety of Harriet, whom he saw to be an impulsiveand headstrong girl. However, he took the chair next tohers in the drawing room on the evening after the visit.
“You must be feeling sorry that you were from home this afternoon, Miss Shaw,” he said quietly. “You wouldhave found it interesting to compare your memories of Mr.Christopher Sinclair with the present reality.”
She had not told anyone of her meeting with the two travelers on the previous afternoon.
“I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised,” Mr. Bartlett continued. “He behaved with perfect correctnessand displayed an admirable affection for his sisters. Isincerely hope that my fears were groundless. Perhaps thedeath of his wife aroused enough guilt in him to helpreform his character. I hope, Miss Shaw, that you will notallow your behavior toward him to be influenced undulyby what I said on an earlier occasion. We should give hima chance, I believe.”
“You need not fear that I shall treat Mr. Sinclair with anything less than strict courtesy,” Rebecca assured him.“I do not expect to be much in his company, anyway,sir.”
“No,” he said, “I do not imagine, Miss Shaw, that you could do anyone the injustice of treating him coldly onlybecause of what you had heard of him. I have not beenblind, ma’am, to your gentleness and your concern for allpeople, the poor and unfortunate as well as the members ofyour family.”
Rebecca blushed. “And were you previously acquainted with Mr. Carver?” she asked, embarrassed by the compliment, which he had uttered with such sincerity.
“He has long been a friend of Mr. Sinclair,” he replied. “An amiable man. A follower rather than a leader. Ibelieve you will find him friendly, Miss Shaw.”
Rebecca did not join Lady Holmes and Harriet the next day when they took out the carriage and returned the visit.She was invited to do so by Maude, but she made anexcuse to avoid the outing. She would wait for the dinnerparty, when her next meeting with Christopher Sinclairwould be unavoidable.
Philip too had been invited to dine at Limeglade. Rebecca suspected the hand of Maude in that particular invitation. But she was glad. The presence of her betrothed would give her the moral support to face a difficult situation.
She was in the drawing room with her uncle and aunt when the Sinclairs arrived. Harriet, as usual, was lategetting ready. Rebecca suspected that on this occasion shehad deliberately decided to make an entrance when everyone was already present. Mr. Bartlett too had not yet putin an appearance.
The baron greeted his neighbors with his usual air of well-mannered condescension. Friendly as he was with theSinclairs, they were always made to feel the social distance between the two families. He always made it subtlyobvious that he was conferring a great honor by being onsuch familiar and intimate terms with them. Maude’s greeting was warmer than her husband’s despite her shy manner.
“Mrs. Sinclair,’’ she said, “how delightful it is to see you at our house again. Indeed, you do not visit us near asoften as I could wish.”
