They should not have been there, of course. Her father had always been very careless about chaperoning her. Hehad loved her, trusted her utterly, treated her always as ifshe were fully adult. She had had a great deal of freedomin which to see Christopher. And she had not abused that freedom, beyond the few hours when they deliberately wandered off by themselves so that they could talk, dream, and kiss. But this had been a particularly glorious day, twodays before his intended visit to London. Neither of them had any obligations for the day. They had decided on the spur of the moment, and quite recklessly, to go to CenrossCastle. Christopher drove them there in his curricle.
And they had found their way to this very spot. They had been enchanted. And they had sat on the grass, theirarms around each other, and talked for a long while.Rebecca had felt so cozy, huddled inside her warm cloakand drawn against the warmth of his greatcoat, that shehad fallen asleep. She did not think she had slept long, buthe had laughed and teased her when she woke up. And shehad lifted a warm and sleepy face to his, her whole bodyrelaxed against him.
He had kissed her, and it had taken far less time than usual for them both to become enflamed with passion. Hishands beneath her cloak had pushed urgently at her dressuntil her shoulders and breasts were bare to the touch ofhis hands and mouth. Somehow she had unbuttoned hisgreatcoat and all the layers that were between her and hiswarm chest.
And then he had been on top of her, his weight creating unbearably erotic sensations in her womb, his mouth ravaging hers with an urgency that they had not approachedbefore.
“Becky,” he had said into her opened mouth. “Becky, my love, my life.”
And then his face had been above hers and they had stared into each other’s eyes for timeless moments. Shecould remember now with what heightened senses she hadlooked up at him. She had been very aware of the grassbeneath her head, of the crispness of the air, the sound offlowing water, the song of a lone bird.
“Yes,” she had said, her palms moving over his bare shoulders. “Yes, Christopher.”
He had continued to look into her eyes as her breathing quickened, her surrender made. And then he had buriedhis face against her neck for a few moments and rolledaway from her.
When she had turned onto her side to look at him, bewildered and hurt, he reached out and took her hand in his. He smiled shakily.
“No, Becky,” he had said. “I love you too much. Not like this. When I first enter your body, my love, I want todo so with all the rights of a husband. I don’t want you tohave to feel shame afterward.”
She had shaken her head slowly, tears in her eyes. “I could never feel shame at loving you, Christopher,” shesaid.
And he had hugged her to him again, the passion gone, only a deep and warm affection holding them together formany minutes.
“When we are married,” he had said against her hair, “I shall bring you back here, Becky, and make long andslow love to you.” He had drawn his head back and shesaw that he was grinning.
She had smiled back, brushing away her tears with the back of her hand.
“Promise?” she had asked.
“The very next time,” he had said before placing a smacking kiss on her lips and hauling them both to theirfeet. . . .
Rebecca stared at the grass before her, her face expressionless. Strange to imagine that that had happened here. Almost seven years ago. She should not have come downhere. The pain was becoming unbearable. She was goingto have to go back within the next few minutes and besociable again, cheerful.
“It is even lovelier in the summertime, is it not?” Christopher said quietly.
Rebecca turned her head sharply. He was also leaning against a tree, not far from her, his arms crossed over hischest.
“How long have you been there?” she asked.
“A little longer than you,” he said. “If I could have moved away without disturbing you, I would have gone.But it was not possible.”
Rebecca turned her head away and stared out over the water. He pushed away from the tree and walked over to stand in front of her. He put one hand on the trunk besideher head and leaned his head to one side so that he waslooking directly into her eyes.
“Becky,” he said, “there is one thing I want you to know. Perhaps it is unnecessary, but it has haunted me foryears. I have always feared, you see, that in addition tohurting you I might have given the impression that youwere somehow at fault, that perhaps you were in someway unlovable. I want you to know—and I swear by allthat I once held honorable that I tell the truth—that I lovedyou when we came here together.” He indicated the grassyarea behind him with his free hand. “I loved you, Becky,with the whole of my being.”
Her head was pressed against the tree, her palms flat against the bark on either side of her. She looked back intohis eyes. “Did you, Christopher?” she said. “Did you? Iloved you too, you know. I understood that a pledge hadbeen made here. I thought we were committed to eachother for a lifetime. I did not know that one could love oneday and marry someone else almost the next. I think wehave different definitions of the wordlove.”
She continued to look into his eyes. She would not flinch. Let him be the first to move.
“My life came to an end the day I left you,” he whispered fiercely. “I have lived in hell since then. I donot need to die, Becky. Nothing could be worse than whatI have lived. If you wished to see me punished, know thatyour wish has been granted a thousandfold.”
He turned abruptly and went crashing off through the trees, climbing quickly back up to the castle. Rebeccaclosed her eyes and stayed where she was. She clampedher teeth together, willing herself not to call his name untilhe was out of earshot.
Something was wrong when Rebecca entered the courtyard again fifteen minutes later. Uncle Humphrey was standing, leaning heavily on Maude’s shoulder and wavinga lace handkerchief in front of his nose. His face was morethan usually pale. Maude had one arm around his waistand was clearly supporting much of his weight. Mrs.Sinclair was standing close by, openly weeping. Mr. Sinclair was patting her on the back rather ineffectually andabsentmindedly. He was staring across the courtyard.
Christopher, Julian, Philip, Ellen, and Primrose were clustered together close to the entrance to the dungeons, alltalking at once. Harriet, Mr. Bartlett, and Mr. Carver werenowhere in sight. Rebecca took in the scene at a glanceand had a horrid presentiment of what was wrong. Shehurried across the grass toward the larger group.
“What has happened?” she asked.
