“So you can’t really scold me too much after all,” she said. “Except for being foolish enough to believe that Lesand Stella were waiting for us in the village. But you canstill say ‘I told you so,’ Daniel. You were perfectly rightabout Freddie, of course. Go ahead and say it. I am sureyou are longing to.”
“Julia,” he said softly, and he touched the backs of his knuckles to her cheek.
She jerked her head back. “Don’t touch me,” she said. “Please. I would rather you did not.”
“You are planning to tell Prudholm that you are going to marry none of us?” he said. “That is why you have summoned him here?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I am tired of this whole mess,” she said, looking up at him at last, her eyes miserable, her voice passionate. “I hate it Daniel. I have hated it all. I have wanted to grieve for Grandpapa. I have wanted everyone to be together just as we always have been during the summers. Ihave wanted the comfort of that one more time. I didn’twant all the rest of it. This horrid thing with Freddie wouldnot have happened if it had not been for the stupid will.And now I have lost him forever. I was fond of him.”
“My uncle wanted what was best for you,” he said. “He loved you, Julia. He would be upset if he could see howmiserable his will has made you.”
“1 know he loved me,” she said. “I don’t need you to tell me that. But he just did not understand women, Daniel.Men generally don’t. Marriage for the sake of security andposition is not enough for us, or not enough for me anyway.There has to be love. I could not marry a man I did not loveor one who did not love me. And so I will never marry. Formen do not know what love is.”
“Oh, we do,” he said. “Perhaps we do not recognize it so fast and perhaps we are more hesitant than women to ownto it. But we know what love is, Julia, and it is a desirableingredient of marriage for us too.”
“I don’t want to talk about love or marriage,” she said. “I am going to the north of England, perhaps as soon as tomorrow. And I am going to become a governess or a lady’scompanion. So it does not matter to me any longer howwomen feel or how men feel or what they each want ofmarriage. It just does not matter anymore. And 1 would beobliged if you would leave me now, Daniel, for I am feeling despicably close to tears and 1 will hate myself foreverif I cry in front of you.”
He set his hands on her shoulders and drew her firmly against him so that her face was buried among the folds ofhis neckcloth. She stiffened immediately, but she did nottry to push away. After a short while she relaxed andstarted to cry. He wrapped his arms about her and rockedher until she fell silent again after several minutes.
“I didn’t want this to happen,” she said, her voice still miserable. “I didn’t want any of this.”
“This?” he said. “This situation at Primrose Park? Or this specifically with me?”
She sniffed and he handed her his handkerchief.
“I don’t think either of us did, did we?” he said. “Nor did we expect it. But it has happened anyway.”
She looked up at him with reddened, suspicious eyes. “What are you talking about?” she asked.
He clasped his arms behind her waist. “You and me,” he said, “falling in love.”
He expected her to argue. She opened her mouth to do so but then shut it again. And gazed at him with naked longing in her eyes.
“I think we have gone through enough days of open denial, haven’t we?” he said. “It is time we admitted it to ourselves and to each other, Julia.”
“You hate me,” she said.
“Love is very similar to hatred,” he said. “They are both passionate extremes of feeling, easily confused with eachother. I have just been using the wrong word. And youtoo.”
“I could never please you,” she said. “You disapprove of everything I do.”
“Because I have envied you your freedom and high spirits,” he said. “You are going to have to teach me to relax and have fun again, Julia. I used to be expert at it but I willhave to relearn the skills.”
Once more she opened her mouth only to close it.
“I love you, Julia,” he said. “Just as you are, with all your unconventional spontaneity. And since I have decidedthat love must be an essential ingredient of my marriage,you see, I want you to marry me. Will you?”
“It is just because of what happened yesterday,” she said. “It is just that you feel obliged, as you always do—”
“If you must talk, Julia,” he said sharply, “at least talk sense. That is utter nonsense as you are well aware.”
“There,” she said accusingly. “You would be foreverscolding me.”
“Yes,” he said, “whenever you talked such nonsense. I don’t expect a tranquil marriage with you, Julia. I wouldfully expect that we will quarrel frequently. But I don’twant to live without you. Life would be dull. It would bewithout love. And without fun.”
