It was all a matter of turning her mind in that direction. There was no point in going into the mopes because lifewas not handing her a neat happily-ever-after ending on aplatter. Life rarely did, she supposed.
Why had he kissed her, she wondered, when he was angry with her for refusing to promise not to marry Freddie? And such a hot and fierce kiss? But there was no pointin trying to guess Daniel’s motives for anything. And therewas no point in teasing her memory with such titillating details—that and the embrace by the stream. She wondered insome disgust how long she would feed her love-starvedheart with those two particular memories. She had an imageof herself as an aged spinster nodding over a winter fire andremembering that once upon a time she had been kissedand a little more than kissed by a man who had been capable of turning her knees to jelly.
It was not a very pleasant or a very dignified image. And if she was not much mistaken, the dressing bell had rungsome time before and she was going to be late for dinner ifshe did not make great haste.
But it was too late even for great haste to be of much help. And so she was late for dinner and won for herself ascold from Aunt Sarah as she slid onto the one vacant chair,a frown from Daniel, a smile and nod of sympathy fromAunt Millie, and a wink and a grin from Freddie.
Malcolm supposed that he should be feeling disappointed or chagrined or—something negative. Julia was the first woman with whom he had seriously considered matrimony. And yet she was telling him in that candid way that was peculiar to her that she had decided she was not goingto marry anyone in the foreseeable future. She had calledhim over after dinner to the pianoforte, where she was picking out a tune on the keyboard with one finger.
“You have not offered for me, Malcolm,” she said, “and you have given no positive indication that you intend to doso before the month is over. But I thought you shouldknow, anyway. I cannot choose a husband under such circumstances, and I do not think it fair for you or any of theothers to choose a wife this way. I am going to tell Mr.Prudholm, perhaps tomorrow, that Primrose Park can begiven to that charity of Grandpapa’s choice.”
Malcolm seated himself on the stool beside her, and she looked anxiously into his face.
“You are not offended, Malcolm?” she asked. “Either by my rejection or by my assumption that you meant to offer?”
“No, Julia,” he said, feeling quite at ease with her forperhaps the first time in his life. “I am not offended. And Ithank you for saying this to me privately like this.”
“I have to tell Freddie and Les too,” she said, pulling a face. “They actually have made offers. This is really adreadful coil. I wonder if Grandpapa is sitting somewherein a corner of eternity having a good laugh at the way hisjoke is turning out.”
Malcolm looked gravely at her. “I think your grandfather wanted the best for you, Julia,” he said. “I think he wouldbe sad at your decision, but I think he would respect it too.As I do.”
“Thank you, Malcolm,” she said, setting a hand on his sleeve. “You are kind. Oh, here comes Les. I might as wellget this all over with this evening, I suppose.” She smiledbrightly as Lesley approached the pianoforte. “What awarm evening it is, Les. Don’t you think so? Take me outonto the balcony?”
She smiled and got to her feet and Lesley offered his arm and drew her out through the French windows. She was utterly charming, Malcolm thought. For the past few years hehad fancied himself a little in love with her, but he knewnow that his feelings had always been more admiration andaffection than love. He had never felt more relieved in hislife than he felt right now. He should be feeling depressed,perhaps, but he was not. He was feeling elated. He knewthat there never could have been a relationship betweenhim and Julia. She was a bright star who would have madehim feel dull and awkward for the rest of his life.
He looked about the drawing room, wanting uncharacteristically to share his mood of exhilaration and his newfound sense of freedom. His eyes came to rest on Camilla, whowas seated with his mother and Aunt Millie, listening to thelatter talk. He met her eyes and smiled. She smiled warmlyback.
Camilla. She would understand his feelings. She would enjoy celebrating with him his escape from a possible marriage that would have brought no happiness either to Juliaor to him. And she would appreciate the fact that Julia hadrejected him without waiting for him to offer first. Shewould share his amusement over that detail.
She looked up at him and smiled again when he crossed the room to her side and waited for his mother to finishwhat she was saying.
“Would you care for a stroll outside, Camilla?” he asked. “It is a lovely evening if the air coming through the Frenchwindows is any indication.”
“I would love it,” she said, getting to her feet. “I don’t believe I even need a shawl.”
Aunt Millie smiled and nodded her encouragement.
“Dear Camilla,” he heard her say as he led Camilla away, her hand through his arm. “It is high time she foundherself another beau, Roberta.”
They were words that spun around in Malcolm’s head as he led his friend down the stairs and through the hall to thefront doors.
15
Lesley had been very decent about the whole thing, Julia thought as she looked about the drawing roomafter coming in from the balcony. But then she would haveexpected no less of Les. He had merely smiled and told hershe must do what would make hear most happy, and no ofcourse he was not disappointed to have lost Primrose Park.He had only wanted it as a home for her. Perhaps he wouldtravel, he had told her. He had been thinking about it andthought that perhaps he would go to Italy for the winter. Hehad looked excited at the prospect.
Dear Les, Julia thought, locating Frederick with her eyesand making her way across the room toward him, he deserved to be happy. She was glad she had helped him realize that he could do what he most wanted to do.
“Freddie.” She touched him on the arm. He was talking with Gussie and Uncle Henry and Daniel, of all people. Shedid not look at Daniel. “May I have a word with you?”
“More than one if you wish, Jule,” he said, jumping tohis feet and grinning down at her. “Outside? Malcolm andCamilla are strolling out there too, but I imagine we canavoid them if we try hard enough.”
Uncle Henry chuckled, and Julia even more diligently avoided looking at the earl.
“I saw you talking with both Malcolm and Les,” Frederick said when they were on their way downstairs. “You have made your decision, have you, Jule?”
“Yes, I have, Freddie,” she said. She felt far more nervous with him than she had felt with either of the other two.
She did not know how he would take it. She rather believed he had his heart set on acquiring Primrose Park.
