“Yes,” she said quietly. “It would be something to own it, would it not, Les? Especially for a man who cannot expect to inherit his father’s property.”
He beamed at her. “I want you to stay here, Jule,” he said. “I want it to stay as it is for you. This is where you belong. I don’t want you to lose it. And I don’t want you married to someone who will make you obey him and gosomewhere where you don’t want to be. I want you to befree, Jule. I think Uncle should have left it to you. Maybethere was a good reason why he did not, but I think heought to have.”
Julia leaned forward and set a hand over his. “Les,” she said, “you are so very sweet. And kind. You would marryme so that I could be free to enjoy Primrose Park at myleisure? But what would you gain from the marriage?”
He gazed blankly at her. “I would be happy to see you happy,” he said at last. “I would look after you. But I wouldstay out of your way. You would not need to worry that Iwould be underfoot all the time. I think that would annoyyou. I would do whatever you wanted me to do, Jule.” Heflashed her a smile.
She squeezed his hand. “You would get very little pleasure from the marriage,” she said. “Do you get much pleasure from living, Les? What would you like to do most in life? If you could do anything?”
He gazed at her until his eyes grew dreamy. “I would travel,” he said. “All over Europe, Jule. Maybe all over theworld. To see things. I can read about them but I can neverremember them. I can’t picture them in my head. But whenI see things, it is different. I saw the Elgin marbles. I felt itall. Here.” He touched a loosely closed fist to his heart.
“You could travel,” she said. “The wars are over.”
He stared at her. “Could I?” he said. “I had not thought about it, Jule. Only dreamed. But you would not like it, andI would need to stay here to look after you.”
She patted his hand again.
“Will you marry me, Jule?” he asked. “I think you should. I’ll look after you.”
“I know you would, Les,” she said. “I know you would make a most wonderful husband.”
He looked gratified. “Do you think so?” he asked.
“I know so,” she said. “But would I make a wonderful wife for you, Les? I would be marrying you just so that Icould stay here and have a secure future. 1 could offer younothing more than affection.”
“Will you, then, Jule?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I shall have to think about it, Les,” she said. “It is a most kind and generous offer. And I wouldnot be able to ask for a gentler or more indulgent husband.But I need to think.”
“Take your time, Jule,” he said, getting to his feet. “No hurry. I’ll still be willing next week and the week after. Ijust wanted you to know that you don't have to leave hereand that you don’t have to marry anyone who won’t treatyou right.”
“Thank you, Les,” she said, smiling. “I am going to stay here for a while and think. Do you mind?”
She watched him walk back to the house, the smile lingering on her lips. Now there was a definite and very wonderful offer for her to consider. But an impossible one to accept, of course. A wave of sadness rid her face of the lasttraces of her smile.
Dear Les. He was willing to marry her entirely for her own sake. Entirely for her own comfort and happiness. Hewould be the owner of Primrose Park as her husband, ofcourse, but he would use it only to provide her with contentment. It seemed that he had no thought of using her.The very thought of Les’s kissing her or holding her orbeing in any way intimate with her was ludicrous. She verymuch doubted that Les had even thought of consummatingthe marriage he had just proposed.
There would be nothing whatsoever in the marriage for Les. Except perhaps the satisfaction of knowing that he hadsecured her happiness. And there was nothing she couldpossibly offer him—except the affection she had mentionedto him. It would be impossible not to feel affection for Les.But nothing else. She would have nothing else to offer.
And so if she married him, she would be being as selfish and as mercenary as someone who would marry her just forthe sake of owning Primrose Park. Freddie. That was whyFreddie would marry her. Did he have as little else to offerher as she had to offer Les?
Julia sighed and felt the old familiar anger against her grandfather for putting her in this predicament and sorrowthat he had left her so little freedom.
She needed exercise, she decided suddenly. Vigorous exercise. Swimming leapt to mind. But she would not feel free to swim until everyone went back home again. Butthere was the sudden numbing realization that when everyone else returned home this time she too would be leavingPrimrose Park—forever. Unless she married one of thecousins.
Boating, then? But the boats were in the boathouse and too heavy for her to drag out unassisted. She would have togo in search of one of the gardeners to help her or else dragone of the grooms from the stables. It would take too long.
Riding, perhaps? She had ridden earlier in the morning but not so far as usual because it had looked as if rain wasgoing to come down at any moment. She looked up at thesky. It was still gray with clouds, but they were too high tobring rain. It was just a dull day, that was all. She would goriding again, she decided, getting to her feet. She strode toward the house.
Had she met any of the cousins on her way inside and up to her room, she would have asked them to join her. But thehall and the stairway were deserted. Everyone, it seemed,was about some indoor activity since the weather made theoutdoors uninviting. She rejected the idea of going insearch of someone. She would prefer to ride alone anyway.She really needed to think.
And the deserted nature of stairs and hall made something else possible. Julia did not ring for her maid to help her into her riding habit. Instead she pulled on her breecheswith a shirt and jacket, looked gingerly out from the door ofher dressing room to make sure that the corridor had notsuddenly filled with disapproving aunts, and darted out anddown the stairs and across the hall, almost holding herbreath the whole way.
Luck was with her. She met no one, and the grooms in the stables were used to seeing her dressed as she was. Oneof them saddled Flossie for her and she mounted—astride—and made her escape from the stables unobserved.
Freedom! she thought as she made her way north of the house at a canter. It was such a very precious commodity.And Les could and would offer it to her permanently. Shewould be foolish to reject his offer just because the arrangement would bring nothing to him. And just because shecraved more of a relationship than they could possibly findtogether. And more of life than endless peace and comfortat Primrose Park.
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