“Yes,” she said. “Oh, I know. He was always trying to find husbands for me, you know. Or a husband, 1 suppose Ishould say. He longed to see me happily settled before hisdeath. I disappointed him. I could never like any of the gentlemen who showed an interest in me. I should have triedharder, shouldn’t I?”
“I-I d-don’t”—Malcolm stopped and swallowed and unclasped his hands—“I don’t know if you can or should force yourself to accept an offer you don’t quite like,” hesaid.
“Don’t you?” She looked up at him, interested. “How should one choose, then? How can one know who will suitone for a whole lifetime?”
He opened his mouth and shut it again, staring at her blankly. How did one choose? How did one know? It mightbe easy to choose with the heart if one fell in love. Or withthe head if one wanted to be sensible. But how could oneuse good sense on the future? Perhaps years and years ofthe future. People changed. All people changed. Both partners in a marriage would change in the course of years.How could one be sure that one would not change in different ways from one’s partner? How could one be sure thateven if they suited now they would suit ten years in the future? Or twenty?
Julia shifted from one foot to the other and flushed slightly. “You are one of the five cousins mentioned inGrandpapa’s will in connection with my future,” she said.“Does that fact have any significance to you, Malcolm?”
How did one answer such a direct question? With a simple yes? Should he try to explain? Did she want them all to be interested in her? Or did she feel trapped, rather as if shewere being preyed upon by vultures? Poor Julia, hethought Uncle should have left her Primrose Park. It wouldhave given her the wealth and freedom to choose her ownhusband in her own time.
Yes, she was looking trapped. She was darting glances, pointed glances beyond his shoulder.
“I-I,” he said. “Julia— That is—”
But blessedly someone had come to join them. Camilla. She must have been watching and realized that they bothneeded rescuing. Thank God for Camilla.
“Isn’t the view lovely?” she said in her easy, quiet manner. “And such a wonderful clear day. Do you remember playing pirate ships up here, Malcolm? You always had tobe the captain because you were the oldest.”
“And you were the captured maiden in distress,” he said.
“Borne off by that notorious cutthroat pirate, Freddie,” she said. “Always Freddie. It was quite in character.”
They both chuckled and Julia smiled brightly from one to the other of them. “I have the most dreadful urge to racedown the steep sick of the hill,” she said. “We used to do it,I remember, and try to pull to a halt before plunging intothe stream and getting soggy shoes, stockings, and hems. Iam so glad that Aunt Sarah did not come today. Daniel isnowhere in sight, is he?”
“I saw him at the bottom of the hill walking with Uncle Paul and Uncle Henry,” Camilla said.
“Good.” Julia smiled that radiant, mischievous smile again, the one that Malcolm found so appealing. “Becausehere I go. I think Freddie and Les are down there. Wouldanyone care to join me?”
Without waiting for an answer, she gathered up her skirt, just as she had done at Culver Castle in order to run up thehill, and went racing off down the steep slope. She shriekedas she gathered speed.
Malcolm and Camilla looked at each other and smiled. “Some people,” Camilla said, “seem able to resist the urgeto grow up, don’t they?”
“But she is not childish,” Malcolm said. “She is delightful.”
“Daniel would disagree,” Camilla said. “But poor Daniel has not felt free simply to enjoy life since Papa died when he was only fourteen. I wish for both their sakes it could have been much later.”
“Death is the one thing we have almost no control over,” Malcolm said. “We can only make the most of life as it ispresented to us day by day.”
“Which is exactly what I have been telling myself of late,” she said. “Do you remember all those games weplayed, Malcolm? You were always my great hero, youknow, because you were six years older than I and alwaysappeared dependable and strong. And then before I knew ityou were too old to play any longer.”
“But I continued to dream of rescuing you from dragons or highwaymen or quicksand or whatever danger presenteditself to my imagination long after I stopped playing,” hesaid.
“Did you?” She laughed and looked up at him with interest. “You always appeared so grave. I think a great deal more goes on inside you than ever appears to other people,does it not? It was no good with Julia, Malcolm?”
“I could think of nothing to say,” he said ruefully. “I felt dull and tongue-tied. Iamdull compared to someone likeJulia, Camilla.”
“Do you love her?” she asked.
He thought for a moment “No,” he said. “There has to be an emotional attachment, doesn’t there? I admire hergreatly. I always have. Am I a hopeless case?”
She laughed. “Because you can only admire a certain lady but not love her?” she said. “By no means. One dayyou will love, Malcolm, and you will feel neither awkwardnor dull nor inferior. There is a lady somewhere who is justright for you.”
“She had better find me, then,” he said. “I am not sure I would have the courage to find her.” He laughed, something be rarely did.
They strolled along the top of the hill and down the gentler slope, talking amiably about nothing in particular.
* * *
