“Who?” he said. “You, in short, Julia. But my threat stands. Or to make it more realistic, let me put it this way. Iwould not throttle you, of course. But I would tip you undermy arm and wallop your derriere. And if you do not believeme, try me.”
If it were possible to explode, she thought, she would be raining down in a million pieces over the castle hill at thisprecise moment. She smiled. “Lay one violent finger on myperson, Daniel,” she said, “and you will be observing theworld for the next two weeks from two black eyes. It is apromise.”
“I believe,” he said, guiding her to where all the other cousins were congregated on the grass, “it is time to godown for tea.”
She slipped her arm gratefully from his.
“Anyone for the dungeons?” Frederick asked.
“Are you mad, Freddie?” Julia replied. “When it is time for tea? I am starved. Anyone for a race down the hill?”
A foolish challenge, she thought a moment later, when her legs still felt as if they were missing a few essentialbones. She was going to end the race an ignominious last.But it was better than appearing to be afraid to go down tothe dungeons. A woman had her pride, after all.
8
It was two days later before Malcolm summoned enough courage to talk with Julia. All his life he hadbeen quiet and painfully shy, finding consolation in the interior world of the intellect and the imagination. In the pastseveral years, once he had passed the painful years of theearly twenties, he had even reconciled himself to the factthat he would never be able to change his nature to be asoutward going and charming as Frederick or as self-assuredas Daniel. He had learned to accept himself for who hewas. He had learned to be happy with himself.
They had decided to walk the three miles to the hill east of the house. Not all of them—Susan and some of the auntsand uncles had decided that the distance was too great. Butthere was a sizable party, all in exuberant spirits. The summers were associated in Malcolm’s mind with PrimrosePark and family and exuberance—and himself in the background watching like a spectator. Not unhappy exactly, buta little envious of Daniel and Freddie.
And a little afraid of Julia. She had always been the most exuberant and most daring of all—pretty, mischievous,sunny-natured Julia. Malcolm admired her and liked herimmensely, but he had never felt that he could have anypersonal dealings with her. They were just too different inevery way. But Uncle’s will had changed all that.
He walked out to the hill with Camilla, the only cousin with whom he always felt comfortable. Perhaps becauseshe was quieter than the others. Perhaps because she hadsuffered. But then he had always felt at ease with her, evenwhen they were both children. She told him now about Bath, where she had just spent a few months with her mother. He told her about some books he had been readingrecently.
That was the good thing about being with Camilla, he thought when they finally lapsed into silence. He could talkto her about anything that came into his head instead ofreaching around for some suitable topic, as he did withmost other people. And he could even be silent with herwithout any feeling of discomfort.
This was very probably, he realized suddenly, the last time they would all be together at Primrose Park. Quitepossibly he would never see Camilla again since they wererelated only by the marriage of his aunt to her uncle, bothnow deceased. He would be sorry not to see her. He hopedshe would find the husband she was looking for and behappy. She deserved to be happy.
The others had reached their destination before them. The hill was surrounded by woods but was itself grassy andalmost bare of trees. From the top there was a magnificentview of the countryside for miles around. It had been thesite of many childhood games, Malcolm remembered.
Some of his relatives were sitting on the slope of the hill, resting after the long walk. Others were climbing higher. Afew were wandering around the base of the hill to where asmall stream trickled its way slowly toward the lake. Juliawas standing alone at the very top, shading her eyes andsquinting off into the distance. Malcolm led Camilla upward.
“What is it?” she asked, looking up at him suddenly.
“W-what?” he said.
She frowned slightly and looked above them to the top of the hill. “Oh,” she said quietly, “you had better go on aheadof me, Malcolm. I am tiring anyway. You had better go andtalk to her.”
“I d-don’t think it's the r-right time,” he said.
“I think you need to,” she said. “Both for your parents’ sake and for your own, Malcolm. Do it now before youhave time to think further. I’ll walk up slowly after you tosee the view or perhaps to join the two of you.” She slippedher arm from his.
It was all wrong, Malcolm thought. Not Julia. Anyone but Julia. He should not even have considered it or allowedhis mother and father to do so. But Camilla was expectinghim to go forward. And he knew he would despise himselfif sheer cowardice kept him away from Julia. Itwascowardice. But cowardice sometimes had to be fought. Hestrode on up the hill.
“It’s a 1-lovely view,” he said, coming to stand beside Julia. He rarely stammered any longer. So rarely that it tookhim by surprise when it happened. He was thirty years old,he reminded himself. Julia was his cousin, or almost so.She was only twenty-one.
She turned her head toward him and smiled. No one had a brighter smile than Julia. It always lit up her whole face.Daniel had used to say that it was the most damnably mischievous smile he had ever seen.
“Hello, Malcolm,” she said. “Yes, it is, isn’t it? Well worth the climb.”
“Yes, indeed,” he said. And reached about in his mind for something else to say. There must be a million things tosay, a million commonplaces to mouth. No one else everseemed to have difficulty making small talk. He could notthink of a single thing.
“And such beautiful weather,” she said. “The trouble with us English is that we can never enjoy a warm sunnyspell like this. We are always wondering how we will haveto pay for it later.”
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, we are like that, a-aren’t we? We should e-enjoy it. Shouldn’t we?”
She laughed suddenly and he twisted the hands clutched at his back, mortified. “Malcolm,” she said, “what did youthink of Grandpapa’s will? Was it not dreadfully naughtyof him to provide for me as he did?”
“He w-wanted what was best for you, J-Julia,” he said. No, not this topic. She was not going to talk openly about this, was she? But it would be just like Julia to do so. Julia always confronted issues head-on.
