I stumble over my words this time, a road bump in my throat. “Uh?—”
Meave whirls in front of me. “You kissed.” She points a finger at me.
“Shhh.” I relocate her finger to pressing into her mouth, silencing her. Her two-word freakout drew attention to us. “People are watching.”
“I don’t care!” However, Meave tugs us into the offices in the back. I spot her desk immediately. Cluttered and organized chaos. She pulls out her desk chair, pushing it in my direction. Then moves papers and books around before sitting on her desk.
“Tell me everything. I want allllll the details.”
“Meave.” I roll my eyes, taking a seat. “He’s like a brother to you.”
She snickers. “Apparently not to you.” When she can tell I’m not going to relinquish any juicy details, she sighs. “You’ve gotta give me something. At least tell me how it was. One to ten?”
“Mind seizing, body trembling, foot popping.” Again, I feel the ghost of his lips on mine. I lean forward, resting my head in her lap. She runs a hand through my curls like she used to. “He told me he didn’t start the rumor.”
There’s a pause, and I hear her take a sharp inhale. I’ve refused this topic for years. “Do you believe him?”
“I’m not sure. I think so, but I don’t understand why he’d lie, or all these years later not come clean. What do you think?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah.” It comes out more like an exhale. Meave taps my shoulder, and I sit up.
“You were quick to believe that he started it…and…never gave him a chance to explain. You kept him at an arm’s distance until what? A month or so ago?”
“Okay, but?—”
“You needed time and so did he, but that’s up.”
Is it hot in here? Did they turn off the AC? I’m hot. I take off my jacket, draping it in my lap.
“Sutton.” Meave places her hand on mine.
“Meave, I don’t know what to do. I’ve had it all wrong. Blamed him for things that aren’t his fault. Built up this hatred for him an-and now I feel stupid.” I place my free hand over my eyes willing myself not to cry. I’m already crashing out on her biggest night of the year. “But he won’t tell me anymore details. Won’t say who did start it. Won’t talk about it. Do you think he’s protecting them or me?”
“Have you asked?”
“Not exactly. I got scared.”
Meave leans forward, swiping at something moist on my cheek. Of course a tear, or ten, slips out. “Scared?”
What I say next comes rushing out of me. The dormant volcano inside of me erupts, memories and emotions are rivers of lava. “I don’t want to lose Cooper again, or one day he eventually decides I’m not good enough.”
“Sutton.”
“I know. I know. Those are irrational thoughts.”
“They are. You’ve always been enough,” she reassures me, “for me, Mom and Dad, Elliot, and Cooper. Always Cooper. And you never lost him because that pathetically obsessed boy never let go of you.”
That’s where I’m caught up. Replaying memories, before and after that day in high school, and trying to see them clearly. I feel like I need glasses or something to see them clearer.
Meave swipes at another tear.
“Shit, Meave, I’m sorry. I ruined my friendship with him and now I’m ruining your night.”
“You are not ruining my night, Sutton.” She jumps from the desk, smoothing her silky dress before helping me stand.
I grab a tissue from her desk and blot under my eyes, forever grateful for waterproof mascara. “Promise?”
