She starts to scurry off my bed, mumbling words I can’t make out. I reach out for her. My center of gravity is nowhere to be found; I miss her arm, catching her ankle instead.
Her skin is smooth. Warm. Silky.
“Don’t go.”
“Give me one good reason.”
“Is this a new dress?”
Sutton’s eyes drop down her body. Roaming like mine. “Uh, yeah.”
“And y-you-your hair? Is that new?”
“No.” I think she smiles, I can’t exactly tell. “These are the curls I was born with.”
“But you wore it differently.”
“Elliot did it.”
“It’s nice. You look nice.” I cough, which makes the pounding in my head intensify. The room tilts, but what’s new? My whole life has been tilted off axis because of her. “Beautiful. Did he tell you that?”
“He did,” she says slowly, or maybe that’s me processing tonight. Or the alcohol. Whatever.
“Did you kiss him?”
“No.”
“Did you want to?”
“Cooper,” she warns.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize several times. “You’re happy.” I don’t ask because deep down I know she is. And who am I to take that away from her?
“Yeah. He?—”
I cut her off. Because what I am is desperate. Desperate for her. Desperate to cling to the only person who anchors me. “Do you think we could ever be happy? Could I ever make you smile like that?”
“What are you—are you drunk?” she asks. The annoyance in her eyes goes with each blink, softening.
“Be happy with me, Dave.” It’s a plea. Broken and shattered, but she doesn’t know that. Probably doesn’t care.
Sutton uncurls my fingers from her ankle. “Cooper, stop. You’re saying things you don’t mean. You’re drunk.”
“I’m not.” I pull my hand away before embarrassment hits me.
“Really?”
She stands from my bed when I don’t answer her. Tugs at the hem of her periwinkle dress. “I’m going, and you should sleep this off.”
I fall back against my headboard. I let the tears consume me. Ignited by the fear and unknown of my future, the feelings of being adrift, and the reminder of who I’m supposed to be. They consume me till I’m a blazing bonfire.
NINETEEN
SUTTON
The room echoes with a whimper.A hammer made of his tears chips away at my heart. Any anger that I walked in here with has melted away, a puddle on his floor, and if I don’t leave now, I’ll slip. Tumble further into the confusing mess that is us like a knot in your favorite necklace that every time you try to untangle, it miraculously makes it worse.
Quickly, before I make a stupid decision, I leave. Tug the door closed behind me, then let my back sink into it.
