They’ve always given her away, ever since we were six.
Where they used to look at me with admiration—us against the world—now, they look at me with disgust. Distrust. Abhorrence.
And it doesn’t make me want her any less.
She speeds up. So I speed up, just to annoy her. Just to be close to her.
“Hey, Dave.” A cheeky grin covers the corners of my mouth as the nickname rolls off my tongue. The name started as a joke. Coaches always called her Davis, and I wanted to be different. I give her a once over. “Tan’s holding out.”
She stares up at me. Chin tilted, but not by much at five nine. Sutton may be tall compared to most girls, but I still have four inches on her.
“Can’t say the same about yours.”
“Is that your way of telling me you missed me the last bit of vacation?” Our families traveled together for Christmas, like they do every year, but I had to leave early for hockey.
She starts to throw me a bone. “You’re right, I did?—”
I can feel my brown eyes go wide, and if I could see myself, the irises probably sparkle with hope. When was the last time she admitted anything remotely like this to me? When was the last time shewantedmy presence?
It eats at me.
It’s another weight on my shoulders. Another notch on the pressure gauge. Another reminder that I’m not the person people want me to be.
“—n’t,” she finishes.
My shoulders sag, settling at the bottom of that lake her eyes are still the color of.
I bite my tongue. Shove the version of Sutton and me that I wish we could be back into the box I keep in the corner of my mind. Right next to the overflowing box I keep everyone’s comments and comparisons about me.
The door doesn’t close. The hinges are cracking. It makes mornings like today harder to manage.
“One day you’ll realize, and admit, you love me.”
“I’d rather eat nails.”
“Whatever you say, Dave.” I reach out and adjust her purple earmuff. “Going for Ariel today?”
Her jaw twitches, eye dropping to the Kelly-green Lycra hugging and showing off her muscular legs.
“And you are? Flotsam or Jetsam?” Why does her asking me which annoying eel I am make me want to smile?
“They are identical and inherently neither is cooler than the other, but if I had to pick?—”
“I don’t actually care.”
Jetsam. That’s who I’d pick.
Sutton attempts to step around me, but I move with her. Sliding to the left, then right. “Move Carmichael.”
“You didn’t tell me you were cleared to run.”
“Must have forgotten that we tell each other things. My bad.” She pauses. Steps around me, using my momentary slip in focus, and starts running again. “Oh, wait,” she calls out behind her. Then waves goodbye with her middle finger.
Sutton’s pace isn’t fast, and she still favors her left leg, but seeing her running again is a tendril of happiness I cling to. I pull on it like it’s a rope dropped into the hole I’ve dug myself into, and start to climb out.
My eyes are attached to her like a magnet as she grows smaller in the distance. A mess of auburn curls and childhood dreams in a sea of snow.
TWO
