FIFTY-TWO
SUTTON
The truth was always there.Connecting the dots, the image it revealed compounded, and I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t believe how stupid and naive I’d been.
I had to get out of his room. It was suffocating. It was rain after a drought. Surrounded by all the ways Cooper’s loved and chosen me, kept me at the forefront of his life. Everything I’ve ever longed for was always there, hanging in the shadows—the shadows I created.
He sees me and knows me, but I pushed him away. All because I believed someone who was never my friend, never saw me.
There are things I want to ask or say to her; and I almost did. Izzy’s contact was a beacon, my thumb hovering over the call button. But who would that benefit? What would any of that bring me?
It might give me resolution but it wouldn’t make me feel better about myself. If she wants to still behave as if we are in high school, never grow up or mature, that’s on her not me.
Instead, I deleted her texts, then her contact.
That’s when Cooper showed up. I’m appreciative he told me the whole story, but I can’t lie…it almost makes me hate myself. Mad at minimum.
It’s as if he can sense it. Cooper takes my face, hands cupping the sides, pulling my attention to him. “Don’t. Don’t hate yourself because of this.”
“But—” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The last of the raindrops press into my skin. “I’m mad at you. Mad at myself.”
Cooper nods, but smiles loosely. The dimple carved into his cheek deepens. “Me too. For years.”
“You should have told me the truth.”
“Trust me, I know. I’ve lived with that regret every day. I’ve questioned myself why I never corrected you. Why I let this go on for years. I think I convinced myself that you would’ve hated me more.”
He’s probably right, but how are we to know. Before this year, I don’t think I was in the space to understand the truth, but now that I do…
I get why he didn’t. Wish he hadn’t, but I can’t change the past.
“I’m sorry I didn’t.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing? I’m the one who believed her, twice.God, Cooper. How much time did I waste pushing you away?”
“You might’ve tried, but I wasn’t going anywhere.” He kisses me. The boyish smile on his face makes me smile, brings a light to the grayness around us. “Being in your orbit, Sutton, it’s the best form of gravity.”
I push my lips to his, helpless from any other thought when he says sweet nothings like that. He’s the best form of gravity, too.
Cooper removes his hands, slipping my bracelet off his wrist, running the beads through his fingers. “In high school, youwanted nothing to do with me, but wearing your bracelet was as if I was holding you close. Memories of our childhood contained in each bead—and I think it’s my good luck charm on the ice.” He winks at me. “When we got to Lakeland, I convinced myself I had to let you go—thought about sneaking your bracelet into one of your boxes—but that worked out horribly because I needed you. And if this was all I had? I’d cling onto it forever.”
I sigh, then poke his chest. “Damnit, Carmichael. I can’t even be annoyed about you keeping the bracelet. It makes me love you more.”
“Good because I’m so in love with you.”
My hand splays out on his chest before fisting the fabric, pulling him into me. It’s not elegant. It’s messy, teeth crashing, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I work my hands through his rain-soaked hair as he lays me down. He kisses me harder, definitely tasting the candy I had earlier.
Years knowing each other. Months of kissing each other, and we’re still discovering new things about each other. Touches we like, little noises we make, food combinations I strongly oppose.
I don’t ever want to stop getting to know Cooper. I don’t ever want to stop falling in love with him. Year after year, one chapter of our life after another. Messy and mistake filled but isn’t that part of life? Part of every relationship?
We’ll learn and grow—individually and together. We’ll fight and communicate—better than we have in the past. We’ll be us and that’s more than enough for me.
There’s a nip at my bottom lip, and I moan.
Cooper is a kiss thief. Could easily kiss me till our bodies become raisins, but stops when I shiver in his arms. He sits us up before helping me stand.
At the other end of the dock, he stops us. Pushes my wet hair out of my face as he promises me, “It’s okay, I’ll always chase after you. I don’t know what Izzy said to you, but it’s not true. Ionly ever want to and will choose you. There’s only ever been me about you.”
